When counseling fails it can be devastating for a couple. They feel like they have tried and are at a loss for what to do to fix things. They often are out of hope at that point. Can I provide some? It may not be your fault that what you’ve been trying to do isn’t working…

There are often a few reasons counseling fails – 

1) the counselor has no track record of success – do you know how many couples they have worked with and how many of those have stayed together? We measure this two years later, by asking couples if they are still using what they learned and how their marriage is – often we don’t even have to ask, they just randomly send email or texts of gratitude after a vacation or special event!

2) the counselor has no actual PLAN of WHAT needs to happen (and the ORDER changes need to be made) so instead, each session is a frustrating  “conflict of the week” hash out, leaving both parties discouraged and feeling worse on the quiet (or LOUD!) ride home than they did when they got to the therapist’s office

3) the counselor doesn’t know what positive INPUTS MUST be in place for the couple to thrive after they have healed – research out of University of Washington shows there are 20 positive inputs for every ONE negative in a healthy happy relationship

4) the couple isn’t taught how to fight the enemy, nor are they shown how their particular pattern is being used by demonic influences to keep them stuck – or what they can actually DO about that

5) the counselor doesn’t have a 100% confidentiality rule – they bring up whatever you told the in 1:1 sessions with your spouse and are open about doing this – we think that decreases safety for the individuals and increases deception or denial of real issues

I remember feeling discouraged through this process myself, and know that MANY of the couples we serve have suffered through these things also. Granted, some couples are helped by therapy or traditional counseling, but honestly, we see too many people who have been through multiple therapists and it’s just made things worse.

If you are feeling the pressure of the holiday season, hoping to change your marriage and currently working with someone, find out what their rate of success is with couples and how they measure that.

Are they still together two years later?

Are they happy?

That may be an uncomfortable ask of a professional, but honestly, if you are in this line of work – shouldn’t you know if you are actually helping?

We’ve “lost” ONE couple that I’ve worked with.

And I put that in quotes because even though a divorce has been filed, I know the heart is to reconcile.  So I think it is actually in the middle of their story.

If you want to make 2026 the year your family forever-style changed, PM me and we can have a short conversation about what’s possible. 

I’ve personally seen God heal divorce, verbal abuse, domestic violence, addiction, same sex attraction, separation, empty nest, and mental illness.

The God I worship is bigger than all those things – borrow my hope til we chat!

Love to you,

Nina