Mini rant incoming… consider yourself warned.

This will be maybe too direct, may want to keep scrolling.

I have been working with marriages since 2005. (15 years with Carnegie before that doesn’t exactly count as that was mostly businesspeople, but they often worked on their marriages too)

I’ve seen a lot.

In 2003, a couple in crisis asked me to meet with them because they knew of my Carnegie work. They went from 0-60 in about two minutes, and I watched them ugly argue in front of me… I quickly realized I was out of my league – I stood up and said, “I’m not going to sit here and give you both an audience to be cruel to each other. Your issues aren’t simple or small. I can’t help you. I’m sorry.” And I left.

I have since then spent 20+ years on a deep dive of God’s Word about marriage AND what that looks like in application through secular research. Through this experience, Ive watched God turn my own marriage around, AND work miracles in most of the marriages I’ve worked with.

I’ve had pieces of this puzzle that I’ve shared with you on my blog over the years as I’ve journeyed – and for the last five years I’ve known you have to execute the whole enchilada starting with your identity in Christ to change your marriage.

When others apply this, here’s what happens:

In all these years, I’ve noticed a few patterns emerge when a marriage is NOT changeable:

1. You think you have “done everything” – what you’ve really done is just a piece of what we suggest OR a lot of other stuff that actually doesn’t work (stuff like couples counseling with therapists who don’t know the specific process for how a MARRIAGE heals and instead walk you thru your “crisis of the week” which usually makes things worse, especially for the men… books, conferences, webinars, etc. with counselors who don’t have a track record…)
2. You get discouraged when you discover fixing your marriage is HARD and serious WORK – and you don’t hang in there long enough for the PROCESS to kick in and facilitate healing (all the while continuing to focus on the negatives – super not useful!!)
3. You really are more attached to money than investing in something that is proven – mainly because you didn’t check out the success rates of the other people you worked with before running into us
4. You are looking to be rescued instead of creating the life you long for – you are stuck in a victim’s seat waiting for your spouse to do the work, which of course is what your spouse is also doing. Bad plan.
5. You resist change because your suffering is what feels normal and comfortable. You won’t try the things that are proven to work because you are more afraid of doing something new than showing up as the person God created you to be… which btw harms your marriage and your kids…
6. You want a quick fix, ignoring how many years it took to create the lonely or conflict-ridden mess you have now – healing a marriage takes 6-12 MONTHS following a proven process and few are willing to make that kind of commitment.

BUT… I’ve worked with plenty of people who ARE willing to do the work – and THOSE are the people we want to see more of.

Seriously, last week one of our clients was shocked at the 180-degree turn around by applying what we coached her on IN JUST ONE MONTH – and this is WITHOUT her spouse even being in the coaching!

If you think are ready for change, email me at coachnina (at) greaterimpact.org or if you get this via email, just respond and we’ll see if you are a good fit. We don’t take couples or individuals we don’t believe we can help.

Please don’t hit me up to complain about your spouse – yes of course they are part of the issue, but if you aren’t willing to look at YOU and where you can show up differently, I can’t help you. If you are open to that and have had ENOUGH of being where you are at – let’s talk!

Love to you,

Nina

PS… already know you want in? Sign up for what works – coaching plus our Strength & Dignity course. HTTPS://greaterimpactwives.org