You are Invited… into Perhaps The Unthinkable…
Abuse.
Rape.
Bullying.
Assault.
Poverty.
Debt.
Identity Theft.
Worthlessness.
Fear.
Covetousness.
Discontent.
Malice.
Strife.
Murder.
Unforgiveness.
Do you have a list like this?
Most people have a “bucket list” of wondrous things they wish to do before they die. What many fail to realize that as long as our buckets are filled with the garbage from our pasts, there’s not much room for the sweet smelling joy and delight God wishes to lavish upon us. Like an unwashed kitchen compost container, the stench of our suffering refuse remains, unless we wash it with the blood of Christ, seek healing, and forgive those involved.
I realize I just made that sound super easy.
I know it’s just not.
But I also know He wants to help us all with this one.
I love what Mary DeMuth has done in this post here, as it relates to forgiveness. And here, in Ohio, we are praying for those in Steubenville, and a 16 year old girl who will take years to heal from the horrors endured at the hands of classmates.
And today, I’m daring you to ask Jesus to help you with this arduous task. But know ahead of time it’s not for your violators, but healing and forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself. Forgiveness is the preventive medicine that wards off bitterness. My friend and ministry coworker, Shanyn, had this to say about our topic today…
“Forgiveness, for me, is the process of letting go of the people who choose to either abuse or remain silent or both. It is letting go of the hurt I’ve held on to because I thought it was mine. It is letting go of the implied and expressed obligations to them to answer calls, attend functions, to ‘follow their rules’. It is surrendering myself to God for the healing journey and getting rid of the stuff I don’t want to pack with me – namely them and their stuff! That is forgiveness to me. It is not excusing or explaining or making it go away, it is freeing up my voice, my life and letting me finally be as I was meant to be. Scars and all. If I say to them, “I forgive you.” I am also saying, “I don’t excuse you, I don’t want a relationship with you unless there is healing.” Forgiving is letting them go for God to deal with, and I have faith that He will.” I think I might expand upon that a bit here as well. Or perhaps wax poetic. Forgiveness is not for you.
It is a gift to me.
It gives me the freedom to heal.
Forgiveness is not about you.
It is about me.
It gives me the freedom to release you.
Forgiveness is not about you.
It is about me letting go of the hurt.
It gives me the freedom to let you carry your weight alone.
Forgiveness is not about you.
It is about me walking my own walk,
It gives me the freedom to carry my own load.
Forgiveness is not about you.
It is about me.
It gives me the freedom to leave you, your stuff, behind.
Forgiveness is not about you.
It is about me.
It is about me finding my way out from under you.
Forgiveness is not about you.
It is about me.
It is my gift to healing, my song to sing.
Forgiveness is not about you.
It is about me.
It is not an obligation, a requirement, a relationship.
It is forgiveness.
That is all…
Poem by Shanyn Silinski, originally posted on Scarred-Seeker
I’m inviting you to freely declare (even anonymously or quietly in your own circle, or even just with the Audience of One) your desire to take steps toward healing and eventually forgiveness. Know our prayer team will be visiting the page tomorrow to pray over your releases as well. We have about 75 people, many of whom are widows, who pray for everything that happens here and in our courses.
Dare you today to be brave and actively choose to take a step forward. There is no judgement, just encouragement here. You can write a letter even, if you want, like Mary did. Long ago, I did something similar. I set mine on fire after writing it and felt a sense of release. Another letter I sent. Several times a month, I get my feelings hurt, and choose to engage in discussion with the one who has hurt me, because on the other side, is abundant life, and the clamoring sound of falling shackles.
Matthew 6:14 For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.
He is the great Physician.
This is a hard journey, paved with tears. So glad you are traveling it with me.
Love to you,
~Nina
I need to forgive my husband and myself for the horrible way we have treated each other in the past, we have both sinned against our marriage and I’m stuck. I’m feeling sorry for myself today. I know that I could feel completely different tomorrow because feelings are that, just feelings, not fact or truth. I would really like to learn how to combat these rushes of emotions (lies) before I open my big mouth and make a bigger mess. I want to let it all go and move forward, I want to live in God’s peace, enjoy my life, live joyfully. I know I can I’ve done it before, I know it’s what God desires for all of his children. I know there is nothing that my husband or I could ever do that God is not willing to forgive, I know that even though I don’t deserve my husband’s forgiveness and he doesn’t deserve mine that is still no reason not to forgive each other. Understanding that intellectually and actually living it out sometimes feels lifetimes apart. So what’s the key, how do I recognize the red flags before I make a bigger mess. What do I do? And how do I help my husband to understand my craziness, and how do I help him let it go and help me move forward. He tells me that he wants our marriage to work, but I don’t want to believe him. Fear causes me to question his motives, not being able to forgive is at the core I’m sure. Why if I am an intelligent person do I keep doing the same stupid things that just end up hurting ME the MOST?
He tells me he loves me and he made a sacrifice to go to marriage counseling and he even went to church after 5 years just to show me that he cares. So why can’t I just soak that all up and enjoy it? Why can’t I just forgive him and let go. Why do I want to hold on to past hurts and memories when they just drag me down, exhaust me and make me miserable? That’s insane behavior, I’m smarter than that, so WHY do I keep stuck in this ugly place?
Donna – praying wildly for you today over all these things – I sense you are really close to something huge for you – and it might be why He had me write this today: http://ninaroesner.com/2013/03/21/good-mom/
Please keep in touch with us. We are praying.
Keep pursuing Him. Discover the discipline of silence, not because you are unworthy, but because there’s much teaching He can do in the middle of it. More on that here: http://ninaroesner.com/2013/03/04/want-respect-start-here/
And do not keep sinning in your fear – beg God to heal you from the source of this as it may destroy your marriage and it is not helping you behave in healthy ways.
Think about what it is like to be married to you – walk a mile in your husband’s shoes for a few weeks, just trying to see things from his point of view. And pray pray pray for God to reveal and heal.
Love to you, sister! SO VERY GLAD you are here!
~Nina
Something struck me as I read ShanynS’ poem. Perhaps because we are fallen, true forgiveness happens in 2 stages. The first stage you do for yourself “Forgiveness is not about you” and the second stage is for the one who wronged you. Please forgive me if this is insensitive, but I think Jesus didn’t ask God “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do” Luke 23:34 so he could feel better about it. I believe we feel better when we forgive as a reward (can’t think of a better word right now) for doing right. Like the good feeling we get by helping someone else. Jesus forgave them because that’s how much he loves us. I believe when love is abundant forgiveness is easy. The real struggle is how do we love someone we don’t know or don’t already love when they have caused us such pain. This I don’t know. The only person to hurt me bad enough to make forgiveness really difficult was me.
Trixie –
I agree. And for what it’s worth, I don’t believe WE can do any of these things, but Him within us can. He had me blogging about forgiveness again today: http://ninaroesner.com/2013/03/21/good-mom/ blew me away. Don’t think I wrote it. 🙂
Love to you,
~Nina
It’s funny what God makes you read.
I am struggling so hard with forgiveness. Not in the sense that i do not want to forgive. I desperately want to forgive. For myself. But HOW do I forgive? The people I have to forgive are still so close to me – how do i walk away? moreso, how do i walk away like Shanyn says in her piece, when it would mean walking away from everything i believe in – my marriage?
I have to forgive my husband for standing back and letting me and my children be horribly verbally and emotionally abused by his mother, his mother for abusing us, my husband himself for abusing me with words and violent actions (thankfully God has protected me so far from being actually hit… but i worry when the day happens) as a consequence of alocohol addiction, his mother for abusing him his whole life and watching the consequence of that play out in our marriage, and finally – me, the hardest, for allowing it to happen for so long.
It took me 9 years to admit the problem was bad enough, 3 years of living in the same house as them all and silently accepting that this was my life, and then it has taken me almost 9 months after having fled the house with nothing – absolutely nothing – but faith in God telling me ‘leave. now. and i will give you everything you need’ (my God is so great – you would not BELIEVE the miracles he has given me – money to the exact dollar the day i needed it to by a house and reset up my life for my family – a yard for my boys to run around in! some baby goats to bottle raise to heal a broken heart! friends, family, food when i needed it, clothes – everything! How could i deserve this?? Who on this world could love me more than my God??). 9 months of struggling with the concept of ‘how do i move forward from this? forgive these people, continue with my marriage (my husband ended up coming with me to my new house i bought for us – no, my God bought for us), and NOT allow the same to happen again?? How do i stop myself getting hurt and even worse – how do i protect my children from being exposed to these people and STILL continue in my marriage. How do i stop them having anything to do with my husbands mother – and still maintain a relationship with him even though he still wants to have her in his life.
What do i do??? How do i forgive and let God work in them, whilst i try to piece my broken, shattered pieces back together?
How do you walk away… and still stay?
God wants marriages to work… and I want God. So, how does forgiveness work, when I desperately need to protect myself from their sin, greed, alcoholism, anger, violence and money-hunger?
How do i forgive so that i can be ok?
I dont know how to make this work.
Shannon –
Dear sweet sister, my heart goes out to you. Know you are treasured and loved, cherished and adored by our Creator. He catches every one of your tears in a bottle and they are precious to Him.
To answer your questions of “How do I…??” the answer is simple: You can’t. Him within you can, but only when His voice is louder than the others. 🙂
There are many things in play here, Beloved. God is taking care of you, and you are seeing it, which puts you in a place ahead of many others who suffer. Might I suggest a couple of other things? There are a ton of resources here if you search up “suffering” – and coincidentally, He had me write about forgiveness again today. He’s teaching me too! 🙂 Always. Thank God for that. Also, something you need to consider, and I don’t pretend to know the answer to this for you, but He does – http://ninaroesner.com/resources/when-it-doesnt-work/
And today’s blog on forgivness: http://ninaroesner.com/2013/03/21/good-mom/
Love to you,
~Nina
I really enjoy all of your posts, and often find encouragement in them.
The posts of these last 2 days have really hit home, and have given me a lot to pray about and think about.
I was really challenged by the dare yesterday “to give thanks for your problems, even the ones with your marriage – regardless of the circumstances you are in”. There is a lot going on with my husband, and a major spiritual battle happening, which I am thankful that I trust in God, and know that ultimately He is in control. Without this faith, I’m afraid to even think of where myself and my marriage would be right now. I have chosen, and continue to choose to forgive my husband, but the enemy continues to “up-the-anti”.
I often find myself praying that God will help my husband to forgive, so that he can receive the healing that he so desperately needs.
I feel the major stumbling block for my husband and our marriage is the toll that his job and his boss have taken on him. In the course of wanting his boss’s recognition, my husband has allowed his boss to steal his life, and consequently our marriage (and, yes, I have even – with God’s grace – forgiven my husband’s boss). My husband is so blinded by the enemy (Satan), that he blames me for all of his problems; and, my husband’s thoughts/attitude that if he left our marriage everything will be better.
God is a great source of strenght, comfort and peace!
Thank you for your faithfulness in your ministry!
Marlene
Marlene –
I’m so sorry you are going through this right now. You are right about that other guy – he does “up the anti” when we seem to be following closely. Grrrrr. My heart aches for you knowing that your husband is so blind. Know I join you in prayer. I also want to recommend Divorce Remedy by Michelle Weiner-Davis. It’s stellar. Don’t quit. Where ever there is breath, there is life, and hope. I pray steadfastness for you, sister, His gentle Spirit within you, and the teaching of kindness upon your tongue as you weather these difficult days.
Love to you,
~Nina
Wow…I am in AWE of our Lord. I came here yesterday to comment on your “Got an Angry Man?” post, just to have my long-winded comment/rant “eaten” somewhere in blogland and, of course, I hadn’t saved it, and it was too long to retype it…so I figured, “Well, I guess God didn’t want me to comment.” I was right. He wanted me to read this blog and deal with the unforgiveness in my own heart, and to ask Him, not only to forgive me for my unforgiving spirit, but also for His help in my own healing and learning to forgive completely, as He forgives me. And the link to Mary DeMuth’s blog post…her heart and the Holy Spirit speaking through her took my breath away. I want that heart, Christ’s heart…<3
Praying for you, your family and your ministry. You are a blessing!
Kim –
Wow. He is good, so very good, all the time. 🙂 Mary DeMuth’s post has crushed a number of walls around hearts this week. Praising God for her boldness. I want Christ’s heart, too. 🙂 I have to say I’m actually a little glad your rant was eaten – I’ve had similar experiences (*insert sheepish grin here*) Oh, I get it! 🙂
But honestly, I’m just glad you are here. And while we’re on the topic of forgiveness, Kim, I was blown away by what He gave me today: http://ninaroesner.com/2013/03/21/good-mom/
Love to you,
~Nina
Powerful stuff. I am going to be praying for those who read this, and leave. And praying for those who read this, and leave their words. Bless you.