“Your husband is right to call your horse riding a waste of time, it’s not even exercise! The horse is doing all the work!” I cringed as I heard this so-called radio marriage expert verbally pummel the wife that called in.
She had sought help interacting with her husband who didn’t like her hobby or the time and money involved. Apparently, the radio counselor had the same opinion.
She said nothing in reply and hung up. He went on to criticize her. Unreal.
Today, I was thinking about how riding burns 200-500 calories an hour, depending on what you are doing, and I remembered that call.
I thought about what her marriage must have been like and hoped it was better.
As I write this, I wonder how many of you get caught in a foolish argument and find yourself giving information to someone who doesn’t know what they are talking about – only to have it escalate the conflict.
That used to be me.
Relatable?
Stop.
Think of it as “pearls before swine.”
Seriously, we are told in the Bible to take no part in foolish arguments and if you are explaining, justifying, or “educating,” all that is happening is conflict escalation.
That’s worthless communication – so stop participating.
At some point, hopefully the other person will notice you aren’t bringing much of yourself to the relationship.
Then tell the truth as to why.
Maybe, “I would like to, but it seems like I just get argued with when I do, so I’d rather not.”
If you get care, concern, and apology – excellent! You know some growth has occurred. If you get defensiveness and argument, you know it still hasn’t.
That’s okay, you can wait.
I’m not talking about waiting to live your life fully, I’m talking about waiting on that other person to catch up. Own what is yours to own, continue becoming like Christ, be humble, and let God work in the other person.
And like our horse-riding wife at the beginning, keep doing what you love and are called to do, as led, without shirking your responsibilities, but yes, go.
And know it may not be met with support.
Go anyway.
I know too many women who began their strength & dignity journey with us and couldn’t even leave the house for coffee with a friend – or even to a Bible study, much less a hobby they loved – their husband would get upset so they wouldn’t go.
His immaturity shouldn’t limit you like that. Expecting support when he hasn’t yet shown up as someone who does that, well, that is on you and just fosters disappointment. But don’t blame him that you “can’t” do things when he is critical and you really just want him to be happy for you.
He isn’t there yet.
Give it time and be consistent.
Important side benefit: He will RESPECT YOU more.
And after a while of consistency from you, balanced with respect and kind firm communication, he will accept and maybe even support it!
Want to get into that space without fear faster?
Our 2024 Strength & Dignity conference is all about “Breakthrough!”
Maybe this is the year you get one!
Join us – space is limited and we hope you will join us. Tuition goes up July 4th so grab your spot now! Here is the link to find out more: Strength & Dignity Conference
Love to you,
Nina
sign up here: Strength & Dignity Conference