Have you lost your influence in your marriage?
This is admittedly a potentially triggering post, one designed to help, but I will apologize now for the directness. I DO have a sense of urgency that someone reading this doesn’t have much time…
If you find yourself complaining, explaining, and justifying to your husband it probably isn’t helping your relationship – so please STOP.
Notice that it isn’t working – and you may be making things even worse.
Most men shut down with the constant communication, especially when it is relational or negative towards them. It’s also demeaning to you to keep operating this way, and my guess is a bunch of your words drip with contempt… so the words need to stop for something NEW to be created.
Men usually aren’t impacted by words, anyway, but rather action. So STOP talking so much.
If your brain just flipped to “He’ll just take advantage of me!” Or anything else that sounds defensive at the mention of that, please hear my heart here, I’m not trying to hurt you but help – this reaction is a symptom that you need to focus on your own healing. You’ve GOT to take your eyes off of him and what he is doing wrong (and there may be a bunch) and get yourself in a spot where you can RESPOND in wisdom, rather than REACT.
Until you get the ability and healing to live there, you won’t be able to call him up to a higher level of being anyway.
You also may need to pay attention to the plank in your own eye that you are currently blind to.
And if you want to stay focused on what your spouse is doing wrong, know I understand that (been there, done that, bought the T-shirt) but hear me (and most others in this field) saying it isn’t a useful strategy to change your marriage if you really REALLY want that.
And that’s the question I have for you today.
Do you really want to follow Christ no matter what? Even if it is hard? Even when His ways aren’t our ways and you need to die to self?
He tells us to Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4
Maybe we have been delighting ourselves in our spouse, standard of living, or getting our identity from how we think others treat us. That’s a recipe for hurt, nearly always.
If you are open to doing what’s PROVEN to work AND provides you with influence and a voice but in a Godly way (without being a doormat) PM me “ready” and let’s chat. There is an actual PROCESS your relationship and both of you must go through for things to be healthy.
I’ve seen God do this with people who love Him and are willing! For me, also!
Love to you,
Nina