Dare 11
Connection Step 6:
Act With Integrity 

Meaghan sighs heavily, clenching her jaw as she felt the irritation rising. Ricky, three years old, and Samantha, 6 months, were crying and fussing wanting lunch, while the new puppy had to be brought out right now. Meaghan has been juggling all three for the past two weeks. Doing so made her feel so exhausted than she thought was humanly possible. Work from her part-time online job was piling up and she didn’t know when she would be able to come up for air.  

After placing Ricky and his sister in separate playpens, she attaches the leash to the puppy’s harness and steps out the door.  

Standing in the pouring rain, she impatiently watches the puppy nosing around the ground, seeking the perfect spot for elimination. Irritation was surging within her. It was not just the puppy, actually. She feels stressed. She has too many things to do this week. She needs to make the house perfect for her husband’s birthday while managing the kids. She could barely sleep because of the puppy and the challenges of housebreaking. It was a lot. She’s overwhelmed. That is pretty normal, isn’t it, given the circumstances? Anyone would feel like this. 

Then the realization to bring her cares to God made her pause. 

She takes a deep breath and asks, “Lord, what is this within me that I seem to be getting angry with a puppy for doing what puppies do?” She pushes back the temptation of shame licking around the periphery of her emotions. She takes a deep breath. She could hear the kids through the screened window babbling at each other. Amidst the pause, she hears the Lord’s gentle whisper. “Are you like Martha that you are so concerned about many things? Don’t be. Receive my grace. Bring your worries to me with thanksgiving, and I will bring you my peace that surpasses all understanding.”  

She could feel God’s comforting presence as she gazes at the rolling hills behind their house. A butterfly lands on a flower in a pot near her. Grateful and full of wonder, she thanks God for His presence and His peace. His gentle truth is now with her.  

She needs to focus on what she has, instead of troubling herself with what she doesn’t. She decides to take responsibility for her stress. Her thoughts and worries were causing it. Who cares if there were fresh flowers for the party? That could go. She can choose to be patient with this puppy, and her children, and that’s where she’s heading. She decides to make a list of what would be absolutely necessary for the party. Non-essentials are off the list. Lighter, she walks back to the house, tagging the puppy along. Her mind is set and now at peace. 

That is what acting with integrity looks like: choosing the path that is in alignment with the Lord, taking the appropriate action and then walking in that. 

In Dare 10, the action I took was to continue doing what I deemed was best for my child and challenge the temptation to judge myself or be affected by how others would judge me because of my decision. 

(want this in your life? It’s possible – check out our conference HERE)

Remember “The Connection Steps”? 

1. Be in our Now by Noticing and Naming our own feelings 

1. Normalize those feelings 

1. Receive comfort from ourselves & God 

1. Listen for a gentle truth from the Lord 

1. Take responsibility for our part in the issue 

1. Make a Commitment to Act with Integrity 

Sixth Connection Step: Make a Commitment to Act with Integrity. 

After taking responsibility and ownership of our part in the problem, we need to take action, and we must do it with integrity. Making a commitment to do something differently the next time we encounter a similar situation and living out that commitment is necessary for our personal growth. And the greater challenge is in aligning our choices, attitude and behavior to God’s will—this is our act of obedience to God. No matter how difficult these choices may be, believe in the power of the Holy Spirit to carry you through. Choose to act with integrity. 

A research study on students shows that taking ownership changes outcomes. This is true for you too—if you choose to take responsibility, own it, commit to it, and then act on it. However, choosing to do nothing is also a choice that leaves one on the plateau, or worse, on a decline. 

Do you see that? Choosing to do nothing is actually a choice that worsens the problem. Small problems, if not properly addressed, become big issues over time. 

Dare 11 

Today, go back through your journal. Take 35 minutes to review what you have written so far and choose a few things to take responsibility for your part in them. Then make a commitment to do something differently the next time you are in a similar situation. Lastly, show up differently, act with integrity. 

Maybe, God reminded you that everything should be done in an orderly way (1 Corinthians 14:40), and that you realize that your lack of organization and failing to use a calendar is the reason you missed your best friend’s birthday, eventually hurting her feelings. If you can take responsibility for that and commit to using a calendar, take action on that and order a calendar you like—that’s an example. Go through your journal and pull out some opportunities where you can take responsibility, make some commitments, and then pursue to act on them with integrity. 

Maybe you identified an area where you feel frustrated, and after exploring where your frustration is coming from, you realize that you were feeling ignored and disrespected when your daughter would leave dishes everywhere, seemingly for you to pick up. Instead of complaining to her about her irresponsible behavior (which focuses on the problem), you can instead respond by acting in the integrity of your identity in Christ. Join the Creator in fostering a better outcome by saying, “I want a good relationship with you. Could you please contribute as a good roommate by picking up your dishes?” 

You also know, with integrity, that if she continues leaving the dishes wherever she wants, you can establish a boundary, “You’re right, it isn’t a huge deal, but part of being mature and a good roommate is picking up after yourself. So, if you want to use the kitchen, you will need to start doing that, otherwise, the kitchen will be off limits to you,” or whatever boundary you establish that fits within who you really are. Maybe she would need to pay for a housekeeper to pick up after her, or hire her younger brother, or you may also decide to do it, taking a fee for the chore out of her allowance, etc. When we stop blaming and focusing on the problem, and instead, start creating solutions with the Creator within us, we realize that we have access to so many innovative ideas! 

One more thing though, expect to fail. And this may happen a lot. 

One powerful truth we hardly hear from people and seldom see on social media is that success comes because of failures. Those who are most successful are very good at failing. They fail more than others who do not succeed. Their success is often based on their tenacity to keep on trying. So, give yourself some grace, and have a reality check. Perseverance trumps failure any day. Successful people know how to overcome multiple failures. 

Continue to journal about your feelings. Now, you are ready to go through all the Connection Steps. I encourage you to branch out from this and try it “on the fly” in live conversations! 

When I first started practicing this, I literally had to take a break from a conversation to work through The Connection Steps, then return to the conversation multiple times. The first time I did this; it took a whole week! Eventually, I got to the place where I am now, being able help others go through The Connection Steps. This is one way we turn conflict into connection. I’m not perfect at it at all. It is a journey. I believe in the Jesus in you, and so should you. You can learn this and experience God at a higher level, being transformed day by day, and enjoying the abundant life He has for us. Create! Do The Connection Steps! Let your mind and everything around it be transformed. 

BOTTOM LINE 

By managing our emotions, we create the potential to receive counsel from God and interact wisely with others. 

WHAT ABOUT YOU? 

1. After applying The Connection Steps, what courses of action will you be taking differently in situations where you previously felt like a victim? 
2. How do you expect people to respond to your new actions? How are they likely to react? How do you think you can deal with the disappointments during the transition period? 
3. What do you sense the Lord is saying to you about acting with integrity? 

Love to you,

Nina

PS – if you made it this far and want to learn more about becoming a woman capable of navigating life with peace – a woman of Strength & Dignity, check out our conference – seats are super limited. Here’s the link: Strength & Dignity Conference