Please know that God is fully aware of all of your suffering. He has collected each of your tears in a bottle and they are so precious to Him…
And in heaven, there will be no more tears…
And for many of you, here in this lifetime, He will set you free.
Christ came so that you may have life abundant, regardless of your circumstances.
We have heard stories from women who have suffered abuse from their earthly fathers, or at the hands of the men they married. We have listened to heart wrenching stories of stolen innocence, blows, hospital visits, broken bones, bruises and the broken hearts that lay in shambles. Perhaps the most remarkable aspect of these things is that there are women, on seemingly opposite sides of the equation.
God seems to lead some women to stay, and others to go.
Honestly, if given to listen only to myself, I am inclined to tell wives who are living with men who physically, emotionally, or verbally abuse them, to leave. I want to tell them all to RUN. GET OUT.
Because I have my own stories of assault and restraining orders…
And God finally blessed me with a non-violent man whom I married.
But based on my own experience, I’m inclined to encourage any abused woman to leave. Yet I have heard too many stories. And seen God intervene in ways that have literally been nothing less than shocking. One of the reasons we have to be so careful about giving advice to our sisters, regardless of the situations they are in – is we are not God. I have seen too many situations where I thought the gal should stay, that it wasn’t physical, just difficult, and she felt led to leave. God confirmed this for her. And God intervened in her husband’s life after she left, often not wanting to go, but doing so out of obedience. I’ve talked with women I would encourage to flee in a heartbeat sing praises to God of His faithfulness while staying in what I would consider horrible conditions…and then listened in awe of their stories of God’s intervention – men that have become broken by their sin, and deeply moved to follow Christ.
The bottom line is simply this: these women, and you, have your own relationship with God. The road to righteousness is paved with sacrifice and suffering, and spattered with the blood of our role model, Jesus Christ. Can I judge these women and their relationship with God? Can you?
Perhaps you are wondering if you should confront him, or get some help in addressing his sin against you – know his abuse is sin. Know you didn’t cause it. Prayerfully consider what God might be saying to you here.
His ways are not our ways.
So I stand back, provide resources, and love them as I can. I also provide a place they can share their stories. I don’t pretend to have the answers, but I do know Someone who does – our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. It is my deepest prayer (and His deepest desire) that you grow close to Him – and then you will know what to do, in your circumstance. Please read all of them, and then pray for guidance. And if, someday, you have your own story to tell, please know you are welcome to share it here.
Please note that Shanyn’s Story has insight for small group leaders and sister participants, as well as an abuse survivor.
Strength & Dignity eCourse – for women who are not being physically battered, but want to change the level of conflict in their homes, gain mutual respect in their relationships, and set a new standard for their marriages.
Long story short, I’m been with my husband over 20 years, and still am not a respectful wife. However I go back and forth between wanting to be and wondering if I need to end it. My husband is super critical of everything I do. One wrong move, one mistake and I’ll spend the next 2 hours hearing about how horrible I am. Yesterday my almost 6 year old asked me if he could have jelly on his bread. I said sure. Then got an ear full for going against my husband who had given our son the bread with butter only. He yells at me, belittles me in front of our 2 young children, calls me names, holds grudges, brings up past failures of mine, ignores me for days at a time, and criticizes everything I do. And now he does the same to our oldest. Later in the evening, my son worked hard on making his daddy a gift. He wanted to show it to my husband who was upstairs by himself. I told my son to just leave daddy alone because he 2asnt in a very good mood. But he insisted on giving his father the gift. My husband didn’t accept it well and began yelling at our son again for wanting jelly on his bread. He said he wasn’t my son’s friend anymore and that he’ll be his friend once he learns to stop being such a picky eater. My son was heart broken, tears began streaming down his cheeks. This made my husband even more angry, so he took away my son’s favorite toy and told him he can’t play with it for a week. I tried to divert my son’s sadness by giving him a bath with his little brother, but the crying continued and my husband burst through the door and threatened to send my son to bed for continuing to cry. He said I just don’t understand why daddy took away my toy. I didn’t even do anything. I can’t even go potty because I’m so sad. My husband burst through the door again and attempted to drag my son to bed for talking poorly of him, but I stopped him and told him he was only talking about using the toilet. My husband left the house for the evening, and my son told me he’s afraid of him and that he never asks his dad for jelly because he’s scared to. He also yells at me like this for trivial mistakes and swears at me in front of the kids. I try to remember to do everything right but I have ADD and I forget things. I’m also exhausted from working full time with a 3 hour daily commute. My husband stays home with the kids and takes care of everything so I don’t have to do much, but he insists that I do everything exactly as he does or he feels disrespectes. Like how I feed the kids, what plate I put their food on, how it’s cut or placed on the plate. He won’t parent the kids in front of me because he says I’m to critical of him, but I can’t do things his way if I never see it. He says I should just ask him if I don’t know, but when I do ask he says things like, my god, how old are you? Can’t you [swear word] figure it out! I don’t think this is healthy and I fear there’s nothing I can do to fix it. I’ve been told by multiple therapists to get a divorce, but they’re all very liberal, so I always assume they don’t have good Christian values. However after last night, I think they may be right. I just fear what my future will be like trying to raise 2 boys by myself with a job so far away. I know boys need a dad, but I think maybe they’re better off without one in this case. Any advice, or outside opinion is greatly appreciated.
I’d love for you to join our Strength & Dignity eCourse. It’s free. 🙂 Here’s the link: http://ninaroesner.com/strength-dignity-ecourse/ I know there’s a waiting list, but it will be starting soon. Get your name on it. Know even reading the pages on the sign up will help.
Love to you,
Thank you Nina. I bought an began reading The Respect Dare a few weeks ago.
Shanyn – know it is not mine to give. 🙂 God grows our strength.
Thanks. Really big help 🙂
Thank you for being here Beth! Bless you and I’m glad it will help.
Thank you for this Nina. Bless you.