If you’ve been to counseling as a couple and it didn’t help or “stick,” there is a REASON for that…
It’s likely NOT your counselor’s fault, but they often don’t know of a PROVEN PLAN and likely FAIL to employ methods supported by DATA to heal the marriage.
Instead, they let you bring the “problem of the week” to your sessions, listen while the two of you give your sides of things, and then at best, try to facilitate perspective taking, which data shows doesn’t work in actually increasing empathy.
If you are lucky, you’ll maybe leave with an assignment of something to do together to improve the relationship.
Maybe it will actually help if it has research behind it – but OFTEN neither of you has the actual energy to do the assignment because trust and friendship don’t exist at a level that motivates you to even try.
(hang in to the end – special discount for you!)
Another problem is MOST couples will “go on a date” consisting of eating out at a restaurant, where they then end up talking about the marriage issues. Someone either shuts down, leaves, or cries, worst case scenario… best case no fight ensues, but surface level communication is all that’s often happening as both are unable to do conflict.
STOP doing what isn’t working.
START doing something that DOES and has solid data behind it.
There are very SPECIFIC positive inputs successful marriages focus on. If you or your counselor doesn’t know what they are (and they need to have gone through at least level 2 of Gottman training to know the majority of them), your relationship may not be changing and the approach might be making things WORSE… and could be a waste of time.
Except for the counselor – they still get paid.
And I am not questioning the integrity of the people you have worked with – my husband and I went through several individual counselors AND several expensive and highly rated couples’ counselors and nothing helped. Went to week-long stupid expensive intensives also. They were all well-meaning Christian therapists. Nice people.
Didn’t fix anything – and the frustrating thing is all of the surveys were done at the END of the workshops or intensives when we all have a dopamine high from being exposed to new info. Then you get home and real life happens and you have no clue how to cope with it. I prefer to check in with our “graduate couples” 6 months to a year AFTER we have worked with them. So far we are over 95% still together and sometimes they send me vacation pictures !!
Maybe you are ready to work together as a couple but your spouse isn’t or is on the fence with injuries from prior experiences. I can tell you we know of NO ONE out there using this method. Let’s at least have a discussion to see if it is a good fit for you.
If you want a way THROUGH to a better marriage, reach out. Email me at coachnina (at) greaterimpact.org – or reply to this if it showed up in your email – maybe your marriage IS in crisis – or maybe you just need a serious tune up before things get too far gone, but guess what? Those are exactly the couples we work with.
If you are ready to work, doing things that actually make an impact, let’s talk about creating Deeper Connection with God, yourself, and your spouse!
NOTE: if you want to fast track this, we still have a few seats left in our conference – use code 70special to grab the discount – enrollment closes August 31!! Jump start the change and go home able to facilitate change! Go to HTTPS://greaterimpact.org to sign up.
Our marriage intensive couples learn the MUST have positive inputs – we do NOT follow the common “complaint of the week” method that too often damages the marriage further.
Our method is PROVEN and turned my own marriage around as well. We also don’t work with everyone – but rather only those we are fairly sure we CAN help.
I hope to hear from you soon – you don’t have to stay stuck!! Just reply to this email and let’s get started!
Love to you,
Nina