What to do if your marriage is a mess…

About a month ago, something happened in our Strength & Dignity eCourse that got my attention. One of my class members, who was separated, relayed that her husband said he wanted a divorce. She was afraid. They had a weekend trip coming up and she wasn’t sure she should go. I watched her go from being scared she was going to lose him, to ready to accept divorce as an option over the course of just a few posts while interacting with another woman who was also separated from her husband. I stopped the spiral of hopelessness, and reminded the women about why they were all there – they intended to save their marriages and do whatever it took, as God led.

They are in the process of learning the foundation of creating mutual respect. We cover the some of the pillars in the Strength & Dignity class, and the rest in The Respect Dare eCourse.

I contacted my class member and spent about a month coaching her. She actually found divorce paperwork in the suitcases for the trip, but she went anyway, and she was super brave. I gave her the Quick Change Plan I use in desperate circumstances, and within a few short weeks, he was responding to the positive changes in her, and he actually came back to her bed! 

He hasn’t filed for divorce, and things are slowly getting better between them. She is one of many women with stories like this. It’s not that I’m so smart, but rather I understand some of the natural processes God created in relationships, and how we can impact them to turn things around.

One of the most basic ideas is that we present a mask to the world – unfortunately, this lie prevents true connection and damages the identities of the individuals involved.  Without even knowing it, those small moments when we deny our feelings, or “stuff it,” we prevent intimacy and real connection with another.  We also prevent real love from others reaching our own hearts because we don’t believe the person would truly love us if they knew who we really were. What we don’t know how to do though, is how to communicate our truth when it is difficult or might hurt someone else. We teach men and women how to create mutual respect and authentic relationships.

We’ve been at this since 2005. Okay, longer. but officially since then with Greater Impact. We have helped thousands of marriages, and women in particular, turn their families around. They’ve found respect for themselves and their husband, and intimacy with God on a whole new level.

I hope you’ll join us. If your marriage is in trouble, or you are a leader of women, I hope you’ll consider our Deflating Defensiveness Conflict Workshop Retreat. We incorporate Biblical truth, brain-science, the latest research, and our proven and time-tested training method to help women take their relationships with God, themselves, and others to a whole new level.

We are also growing. If you want to lead women in a way that leaves them forever changed, please consider coming to the retreat.

In the meantime, I hope you enjoy the dialogue as I blog through the 7 Pillars of Mutual Respect in the coming weeks.

Love to you,



Nina Roesner has been in the communication field since the age of 13 when she worked for her father in broadcasting for a decade. She received her bachelor’s degree from Montana State University in Communication Studies in 1989.  Her Master of Arts in Communication Studies from West Virginia University was completed in 1990 with an emphasis in the cognitive processes of communication with self and others. Her graduate work included being published in the June 1992 edition of Communication Research Reports. 

Nina spent 5 years working as a Human Resources Director of a multi-location manufacturing company in Iowa. She implemented communication and leadership training that changed the cultures of the company’s three plants, over 600 employees in total. She spent 15 years as a Trainer with Dale Carnegie and Associates, in Iowa City, Iowa, and Cincinnati, Ohio. She has trained and coached executives, business owners, managers, and employees in the areas of public speaking, conflict management, communication, leadership, team-building, problem-solving, and stress management.  Her work with Dale Carnegie included training local trainers, writing training materials for use internationally, and coaching individual class members in cognitive restructuring to help them create better relationship outcomes. 

Nina founded Greater Impact in 2005, using a number of different training and coaching methods she developed over the years, to help people of faith make a greater impact in all they are called to do. She has developed an online eCourse for wives, Strength & Dignity, and a video-assisted Bible-study training experience for groups of wives called, Daughters of Sarah.  Nina is an adjunct professor of interpersonal communication and public speaking at Cincinnati State Technical and Community College. 

Nina has applied current research in cognitive processes, neuro-psychology, intrapersonal and interpersonal communication, hostage negotiation, conflict management, quantum physics, self-identity creation, marriage and family relationships and continuing Biblical study to the courses she develops and trains others to deliver with Greater Impact. She combines information from theologians and Christian relationship professionals such as the late Dr. Howard Hendricks, Pastor James McDonald, Dr. Tony Evans, Dr. Dan Siegal, the late Dr. Karen Purvis, Chad Hovind, Dr. John Gottman, Dr. Katherine Neff, Brian Tome, Dr. Daniel Amen, and Dr. Brene Brown, Dr. Henry Cloud, Dr. John Townsend, Dr. Larry Crabb, and Dr. Susan Johnson. Nina says her favorite hobby is reading research studies. Her family finds this a bit odd.

Her obsession with research has led to the development of a process that dramatically impacts marriages in a quick way. She wrote Deflating Defensiveness: A Conflict Resolution Workshop as a way of laying a foundation for successful relationship change that lasts. Nina walks participants through a process that dramatically and quickly deepens their relationship with themselves and with God, and as a result, overhauls their relationships with others. Participants emerge with a godly sense of identity, are less controlled by the opinions of others, are more rooted in their purpose as they have been created, and as a result, understand their own defensive nature and have the ability to deflate it in themselves and help others do the same. Leaders then have the ability to help others go through the same process, which helps their small group participants grow in a way that transforms their minds.

Nina is the author of several books:

The Respect Dare: 40 days to a deeper relationship with God and your husband

12 Truths to Change Your Marriage

With All Due Respect: 40 days to a more fulfilling relationship with your teen and tweens

365 Ways to Love Your Wife 

101 Ways to Respect Your Husband

Nina lives with her husband Jim, a few teenagers, and a couple of dogs, in Loveland, Ohio.