Are you waiting on your husband to change so you can finally be happy?

“If he would just…” or “He never …” or “He won’t…”

This may or may not apply to you, so maybe just keep scrolling if it doesn’t.

Maybe you have learned all the things… and applied them consistently.

If you have spoken the language of respect (and clearly by knowing what that even means, not interrupting, not criticizing, condemning or complaining, not demeaning, name-calling, assuming the worst, or being verbally aggressive and are instead consistently kind, gentle, self-controlled, not losing your everloving mind emotionally vomiting style, or yelling, all the while also telling the truth, just to name a few) …

(And of course women deserve respect, that’s NOT what this post is about, so don’t assume that’s what I mean)

If you have mastered your own emotions so YOU aren’t being verbally abusive, if you have instituted boundaries and acted upon them consistently, if you have been humble and owned your piece and stayed out of your spouse’s yard, AND respected yourself by treating yourself as valuable by taking care of your physical, emotional, relational, and spiritual needs and NOT thrown yourself under a bus “over-serving” those around you to feel needed…

If you understand the basic relationship differences between men and women (it’s more than basic biology) and have learned to interact in accordance with that (and no, I’m not talking about becoming a doormat or “just submit more”)…

If you have done all that and done it consistently, AND asked for what you want in your relationship, I am likely NOT writing this for you.

If you have NOT done those things, don’t waste a single second blaming yourself – you didn’t know, just like me, I didn’t understand the general much less the specifics of how to do marriage and relate well with my man.

BUT.. at the risk of offending you, I believe God created women wonderfully different than men. At the risk of sounding arrogant, I believe He wired women with a relational skill set and nurturing super power that men don’t generally come by naturally.

(This also doesn’t mean that I’m saying men are also not gifted by God – please don’t assume I’m insulting men. Or women. Please give the benefit of the doubt (a masters-level relationship skill) and hear my heart, which is to bring something I have seen help those who have been told they cannot be helped)

Plenty of studies from toddlerhood and up have been done on the differences between males and females in empathy, verbal development and usage, emotional intelligence, aggression, and agreeableness. I’m aware that isn’t politically correct (and even now illegal in some countries) to state.

Wise women know how to interact with these fundamental differences. Confession here… it took me about 25+ years to get most of the wisdom pieces together and THEN God changed my marriage.

I don’t want you to wander around trying things that we know don’t work. I can tell you within 20 minutes if I see hope for your marriage. This isn’t because I’m a genius, but rather because there is a “relationship MATH” that if not followed, well, leads to destruction.

(And for the record, it is also possible that if I don’t see hope, I could be WRONG – there may be someone else who knows how to help those dealing with things WE won’t work with – God is bigger than us for sure!)

I will say, however, that talking about the problems in a counselors office each week with your spouse usually fails and often makes everything worse.

The essential positive inputs are missing in most of these scenarios. There is a PROCESS for a marriage to heal – it is different than healing with an individual.

(And I don’t mean to offend counselors – we went through a slew of them and none knew what to do… we actually got fired by a few! And unfortunately, I see this too much – when people come to us, they have usually been to a bunch of others)

I will tell you this, however, that if you keep waiting on him to fix your marriage, you will likely be disappointed. At the risk of offending men, it’s likely he doesn’t have a clue what to do to fix it. (Not making excuses, just a common thing…)

(And for the record, it is God that does the healing! Not me or our team)

If you are ready to explore the possibility of hope for your marriage, reach out with “hope!” and we will set a time. If you got this via email, just reply.

Love to you,

Nina

PS… if you have been around for a minute and KNOW you want to get started, go to https://greaterimpactwives.org and grab a seat in our SD coaching – I’ve seen women overhaul their marriages rather quickly as a result!