6 Mindsets We See When a Marriage Will Likely Fail…

Over the course of all these years, I’ve noticed a ton of mindsets when a marriage will likely fail. While I’m probably not as talented as Dr. John Gottman, who can predict divorce with a 96% accuracy rate after watching a couple do conflict for four minutes, for those who I talked to who choose NOT to get involved with us, here are a few of the mindsets:

1. They are fairly sure they have “done everything” – even though they haven’t worked with us in our intensive or coaching – sometimes people won’t give our couple’s process or coaching a chance because they really ARE just done… I can usually tell when one or both are just talking to me to “go through the motions” and have already decided they aren’t going to do the work to change the marriage. Or they don’t believe something exists that they don’t already know about. They have done a lot of research. They really believe THEY know what works, have tried it, and it failed so they have given up. (There is a reason the below best seller exists, btw, and we actually help couples learn and implement what actually works with this info, Gottman’s research, and of course the Bible- which of course is supported by the research lol – sad fact, most people in difficult marriages really DON’T know what to do – that’s okay, I didn’t either for a long time)

2. They think fixing a marriage is easy. It’s not. It’s SIMPLE, but they get discouraged when they discover fixing their marriage is humble serious WORK – and they won’t even give a PROVEN PROCESS a chance because they really don’t want to try. Or be humble. 3-6 hours a week (what the research shows healthy marriages spend weekly) is just more than they want to invest. Even when we tell them how fun it can be… They also just don’t want to spend more than an hour a week – the mindset of “I can fix this with an hour a week doing counseling” prevails – even tho the data shows that method fails over 80% of the time.

3. They are more attached to their money than investing in something proven – mainly because they didn’t check out the success rates of the other people they worked with before running into us – they also don’t know divorce is more expensive than working with us.

4. They are looking to be rescued instead of creating the life they long for – they are stuck in a victim’s seat waiting for their spouse to change, which of course is what their spouse is doing. Bad plan.

5. They resist change because their suffering is what feels normal and comfortable. They won’t try the things that are proven to work because they are more afraid of doing something new than showing up as the person God created them to be… which btw also continues to harm them, their marriage, and children.

6. They want a quick fix, ignoring how many years it took to create the lonely or conflict ridden mess they have now – healing a marriage takes 6-12 MONTHS following a proven process and few are willing to make that kind of commitment.

BUT… I’ve worked with plenty of people who who ARE willing to do the work – and THOSE are the people we see turn their marriages around. In the years we have been doing this, we have seen only ONE marriage not make it – and that was due to one of the partner’s refusal to trust God and stop trying to control their spouse.

Overwhelmingly, the couples we work with DO change their marriages.

Seriously, recently one of our clients was shocked at the 180 degree turn around by applying what we coached her on IN JUST ONE MONTH – and this is WITHOUT her spouse even being in the coaching!

If YOU are finally ready for real change, email me at coachnina (at) greaterimpact.org or if you get this via email, just respond and we’ll see if you are a good fit.

We don’t take couples or individuals we don’t believe we can help.

Please don’t hit me up to complain about your spouse – yes of course they are part of the issue, but if you aren’t willing to look at YOU and where you can show up differently, I can’t help you. If you are open to that and have had ENOUGH of being where you are at – let’s talk!

Love to you,

Nina

PS… already know you want in? Sign up for what works – coaching plus our Strength & Dignity course. HTTPS://greaterimpactwives.org