Maybe you want to believe God can change your marriage, but need help in your unbelief… I get it. Been there. Seriously. Maybe you have read the books, been to the workshops, attended the webinars… You’ve prayed your everlovin’ heart out… Daily. For years. And STILL… Nothing. Has. Changed. You still feel alone, discouraged, hopeless even. You’ve done your best, and died to self, laid down your wants, grown in your relationship with God, but… Your marriage is STILL… Lonely. Demeaning. And you are fighting, winning, and losing at the battle of whether or not to stay in it. Maybe you’ve done what your church has taught you and it just made things worse. You don’t want to divorce… and yet you know how damaging conflict is for your kids. Or maybe they have moved out and now you are slowly dying inside…
I’m so sorry if this is you.
And I apologize for my nearly complete absence on this leg of your journey. You deserve better than that from me. I won’t bore you or glorify the enemy with the details, but just to be brutally honest, I lost sight of how to hang in there myself, got stretched beyond my capacity and faith… overcame another cancer scare, MOVED to a farm, and am daily style dealing with my disabled and hurting hands, trying to unpack, care for livestock, and find my footing again with Greater Impact. God started trying to get my attention back in February with multiple emails each week from wives doing The Respect Dare. This shocked me, as I wanted to pretend that book didn’t exist. He was persistent. I finally listened. And now I’m BACK. !! (because HE brought me back!) And my marriage is better than ever, after a LONG period of struggle that nearly did us in, and I’m on mission with the Lord in ways I’m just humbled to be part of. (Gottman’s right, btw!) He is SO VERY GOOD!! So, what’s this mean for YOU? First, I want to apologize. For some of you, it may seem like your white-water raft guide got out of the boat and left you stranded a few years ago. “Have fun!” style… oof. For others, what God was bringing to you through me was just frosting on the cake He was already baking. I’m sure there are plenty of those in-between. I have not been walking in my calling lately… well, let’s be honest, for a few years now… And I’m sorry for leaving without explanation, without even a prayer request. I kept thinking I’d be able to easily come back. We know that’s not what happened. And I trust you’ll forgive me, and I’m 100% sure He brought you people to fill in the gap, as we aren’t necessary to His action – if we say no, He can and often does find someone else. SO … As I ask for your forgiveness, I also ask for an undeserved second chance, all the while knowing you may have moved on, and that is really okay, even great. As long as you are being ministered to, I’m good with that! There are many in the body of Christ! As for me, if I could share a bit of my mess… The journey has been long, hard, dry, yet paved with tears, and I felt like I was scraping the bottom of a dried up well for His message to others. As is His ways, they are higher than ours, and some things needed to happen before I could move forward again. He needed to change some things within ME. And our team has shown up repeatedly, awesomely, patiently, filled with grace, while I figure this all out. He has brought me His creation as a blessing. I feel like I’m living in Montana again… 
So, I’m resurrecting the blogging.
Overwhelmed with gratitude…
I’ll share what He’s done in me and my life – and the new book He is birthing that is nearly finished. (meaning I’ll post it for you, chapter by chapter, just like the others!) AND I’ll share some small stories He brings as they occur, because as my late friend, Sandy, said, “Nina, you DO journal, you just call it blogging…”
Here’s the info you can look forward to in coming weeks –
- how to deal with our big emotions
- the way to respect yourself so respect towards others actually has value
- how to not only be seen and heard but have influence in your marriage relationship
- how to overcome shame
- how to build connection with that guy you married
- how to have peace and stop walking on eggshells
We’re also creating a new free course for wives in an effort to help during this ugly economy. We know what works (cuz He told us, not cuz we are so neat, lol) and have a 100% success rating a full year later after working with couples who have participated in our training, and we just can’t sit on that. In the meantime, if you feel led, please check out the story He wove through this beautiful woman’s life and see how she’s impacted Greater Impact. She’s now on our team!
(PS… if you want to grab a free pdf about finding your voice and how to stop walking on eggshells, grab that here)
(PSS… if you want to reach out and ask a private question, or let me know how we can pray for you, just fill this out:
Hi Nina, I just read your latest blog and am so refreshed by your honesty and it’s so wonderful to see what the Lord is doing in you and your marriage!
I was prompted to write to you after reading your blog as I am currently facing a struggle in my own marriage. Just to provide some context, I am 29, my husband is 30, we have been together 10 years (married for nearly 7), and we live in Timaru, New Zealand. We are both lifelong Christians and were raised in Christian families.
About 9 years ago my husband told me that he used to have a “big crush” on the daughter of family friends living in Australia, who my husband and his family used to visit regularly. This crush was common knowledge within both families and my husband told me as he didn’t want me to hear it from someone else. He even went over to Australia on his own on 2 separate occasions to live and work (for 3 months at a time 12 or 13 years ago) to be near her. He assured me that nothing ever happened between him and this person as she did not share his feelings however they were close friends during this period.
In the time my husband and I have been together we only visited this family once and that was nearly 7 years ago for a family wedding. Communication between my husband and this person dried up as the years went by and then, just last week, we went over for the first time in years for another family wedding. During this week away my husband and this woman rekindled their friendship. My husband has fond memories of his years travelling to Australia and he has always considerd this woman a close friend. He now wants to maintain communication with this woman and her wider family and he wants us to visit Australia more often as we both get on well with the family.
I don’t believe my husband would ever be unfaithful, but I find it terribly uncomfortable and painful that he has a close friendship with a woman he used to be in love with. I have tried to gently and respectfully discuss some of my feelings with my husband but he doesn’t seem to understand why I am finding this so difficult. I know he wants me to trust him and that he thinks there shouldn’t be any issue with him having a friendship with this woman. I feel so guilty for feeling the way that I do about this situation.
I’m in need of some serious prayer. The last 2 nights I haven’t been able to sleep properly and i feel overwhelmed with anxiety. I was tempted to delete this message as I am so utterly ashamed of my jealousy and insecurity. I have been praying and praying but my stomach is still in knots. I don’t want to be a controlling, disrespectful, insecure wife.
I have never been a confident person and am terribly insecure. My husband always knew this about me but I have been trying to hide from him how painful I am finding this situation. I’m sorry for the long winded message – there is more that I could add to provide more context but hopefully what I’ve shared makes sense.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read my message.
Jess
Baby, I am so sorry you are going through this!! Ooof! It is super normal and common for wives to experience this, husbands too, if reversed, and so STOP beating yourself up!! If you are looking for more than prayer, let me know. You don’t have to feel this way, and OF COURSE it would be hard to sleep!! Am praying for you and your husband. Feel free to email me at coachnina @ greaterimpact.org for more if you like.
Love to you,
Nina
HI NIna, and Welcome Back! Great to hear that you have come through a tough time and are victorious in Jesus! Marriage is not easy no matter what calling the Lord has on us, even one as marriage oriented as yours. Glad you took some time to regear and be regenerated. We are 56 years married and still learning and growing, mostly toward each other and Him. 🙂
Looking forward to more of your wise insights and delightful delivery! Mimi
Sister… YOU have been holding my arms up all these years. I KNOW that. I SEE YOU.
And I’m not any where near (32 years married) where you are. So glad for you both, so glad for YOU. Thank you for the words of encouragement!! 🙂