Reading through a journal entry from 4 years ago, I came upon this experience in trusting Him – even when the stakes were high. Seeing the connection to our Dare #5 work, I wanted to share it with you.
July 15, 2013
Today is the day.
We packed up clothes for the week, and a pillow-pet hippo, and left around 5:30am.
And we’ve been sitting here in the hospital surgery waiting area for a while. No news yet, but gobs of prayers.
Meanwhile, back behind those doors over there, a team of experts is inserting a metal bar inside my son’s chest. They’ll flip it to pop his sternum out of his heart and lungs. And as a result, he’ll stop having chest pain. He’ll be able to run with his friends. He will continue growing and have fewer health issues later in life.
I confess I didn’t want to go to bed last night.
Because I knew that once I went to bed, I’d go to sleep.
And if I went to sleep, I’d wake up with only 30 minutes before we had to leave for the hospital.
But Bram came in and said, “I want tonight to be normal, so I don’t have to think about it.”
And I thought, “That’s a fabulous idea.”
I knew he needed me to be normal so he could rest. So that’s what I did.
Because when you’re a grown-up, sometimes you do things for others. You don’t think about yourself and how you’d rather be beating the walls, arguing with God over the things you can’t change, and screaming at the top of your lungs to get rid of the stress threatening to explode inside you.
But I had to pack.
So I did.
And like today, I just kept taking every thought captive.
I refuse to cave to fear today.
I confess that is a challenge.
They told us the surgery would be two or three hours and that they’d contact us several times during the surgery.
It’s been over two hours and we’ve heard nothing.
And sometimes, my chest tightens and my heart threatens to come right up my throat.
But I am reminding myself of what is True.
And like yesterday, I choose hope.
I choose hope.
Like right now, this is me choosing it.
And I will focus on what is True.
I trust the Doctor. He’s the best. People fly from all over the world to see him. There’s a handful of surgeons in the world that even do this surgery.
I trust the anesthesiology team. There’s like five people just monitoring and dealing with his sedation.
It’s Monday, which is a good day to have surgery. All our nurses will be rested and fresh.
We’ve prayed with our church, our friends, and yesterday, with the elders of the church, which is biblical.
We prayed with our son this morning.
We’ve done all that we can do.
And now, it’s all in God’s hands.
Which are amazing, and more than we need.
So now we choose to trust.
This is the God that cares for the smallest of birds, and knows how many hairs are on our heads.
I choose to trust Him with this.
Regardless of the outcome.
Because He’s not Santa.
When I am afraid, I put my trust in you.
In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I shall not be afraid.
What can flesh do to me?
Psalm 56:3-4 (ESV)
I love that word “When.”
Because on July 15, 2013, I WAS afraid and I put my trust in Him. God knew what the outcome would be – just as He knew the outcome when asking Abraham to sacrifice Isaac. The surgery was successful and Bram is healthy and active.
God was faithful. He is faithful.
Love to you,
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