Help Him Keep Listening
Last week we looked at the start-up of a conversation with your husband and how to get his interest in the first place. Getting his attention is one thing – keeping it is another. Today we’ll cover three simple things that will make it easy for your husband to keep listening to you. (And be sure to stick it out to the end – if you want a life-changing experience in the way Bible studies are led, you need to attend BOOT CAMP 2017 – registration goes up May 1)
She has his attention. She sat next to him on the couch, put her hand on his thigh, asked him if he had a few minutes to talk, and he said, “You bet.” And now he’s picked up his phone and is scrolling through the news again.
What options do you have?
- Wifezilla – “Seriously? Can’t you listen to me for five stinkin’ minutes? You’re always doing something else! You don’t pay attention and that’s the reason our daughter doesn’t want to spend any time with you!”
- Doormat Donna – thinks to self, I guess he really doesn’t want to talk to me… It’s probably because I didn’t approach him for sex this morning – maybe if I do that he’ll pay attention… Says, “I need to finish making dinner, we can talk later…”
- Wise Wife – isn’t having this problem – but if she does, knows how to handle it!
How is the Wise Wife respectful?
- She respects herself by NOT dressing provocatively – men are more visual than women and have difficulty listening well when they are distracted by sexual thoughts. Research shows that men pay attention to women better when the woman’s clothing is conservative. Wise Wife saves the sexy clothes for date night or the bedroom.
- She respects them both by WAITING for his full attention, rather than demanding it or saying something shaming to him. This “waiting method” of regaining attention is used by high level leaders and corporate trainers to regain control of meetings and class rooms. He will eventually look up from his phone because he notices she is still sitting there. He will see she is waiting (maybe because she moved her hand on his thigh to his shoulder). When he engages, she says, “Thank you,” makes eye contact with him, smiles, and continues as if he didn’t mentally leave for a bit.
- If he STILL doesn’t stay focused, she respects herself and him – by ending the conversation – She sweetly says something like, “Baby, I’m thinking you need some time to detox from your day (or recover from being with the kids, etc.). Why don’t we try this again this afternoon?” and she gets up and leaves, still sweet, not angrily. If he wants her to come back, she says, “I appreciate that, and you looked at your phone four times during the last five minutes. I’d rather wait so we can have a good conversation. We can try again later,” then she leaves the room. Over time, he listens better because she applies this to conversations HE starts – when he gets distracted there, too.
Bottom Line: If you treat yourself, your husband, and your relationship with respect, you will keep other’s attention more easily.
What about you?
- How do you normally respond when your husband gets distracted during a conversation with you?
- What have the results been?
- What have you learned today that you will apply next time?
- What do you hope your results will be after consistently doing these things for a while?
Love to you,
Have you found these ideas helpful? You might consider joining our dynamic community of wives changing their marriages through applied respect. You can find out more on our website at www.GreaterImpact.org/ecourse-sign-up/
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