5 Ways to Get Your Husband to Listen
5 Ways to Get Your Husband to Listen
Maybe you can relate to this – you want to talk to your husband about the kind of car your 16 year-old wants to buy. Your husband is focused on his phone, reading the news. You bring up the topic, ask him what he thinks about it, and there is no response from him at all.
What options do you have?
- Wifezilla – “You are so disrespectful! I can’t believe how glued to your phone you are all the time. You don’t care about me at all!”
- Doormat Donna – Says nothing and thinks, “He’s busy, maybe I’ll try again later.”
- Wise Wife – Wouldn’t get herself into this situation in the first place!
How is the Wise Wife respectful?
- Accepts that he is different – Wise Wife knows that her husband’s brain works differently than hers – most men are able to concentrate and laser-beam focus on one thing at a time. She doesn’t have the expectation that he is even aware she is still in the room.
- Goes to where he is and touches his arm – Wise Wife knows that men can be refocused on them simply by putting a hand on an arm, leg, or shoulder. She knows that if he is so engrossed he doesn’t feel it, sweetly stroking his neck will get his attention.
- She wisely chooses the time, but is flexible – Wise Wife knows that only he is aware of how much time he has at the moment, how eager he is to finish what he is doing, and especially that he likes to lead, so she is respectful and asks him if now is a good time to talk for a few minutes. If he says, “no,” she asks him if she can come back in a half hour, or if there is a different time that would work.
- She is fully present in her Now – Wise Wife has good human relationship skills, so she knows she should give him (and others) her full attention. If her phone sounds a notification, she ignores it. If she thinks it might be important, she asks if he minds if she checks to see if it’s one of the kids, the boss, etc. She makes eye contact.
- She handles his answer well – Wise Wife knows who she is and where her value comes from. She has solid self-esteem, so she knows that treating others with respect doesn’t take something away from her. She also knows this doesn’t make her a second-class citizen, but rather smart in the way she interacts with people in general. Even if his answer is, “not now,” this doesn’t bother her because she realizes she and her husband are equal – which means both of their timings are considered.
Bottom Line: If you don’t get his attention in a respectful way in the first place, he isn’t going to listen to you.
Words from the mouth of the wise are gracious, but fools are consumed by their own lips. Ecclesiastes 10:12
What about you?
- How do you normally start a conversation with him when he is in the middle of something?
- Is touching your husband when communicating with him a regular part of your repertoire?
- How often do you put your phone completely away when you are speaking with him?
- What does God have to say about the preciousness of others?
I can’t wait to hear your responses today in the comment section! 🙂 What do you think? What’s worked in your household?
Love to you!
Have you found these ideas helpful? You might consider joining our dynamic community of wives changing their marriages through applied respect. You can find out more at www.GreaterImpact.org/ecourse-sign-up/
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My husband has always been very articulate in his needs, including how to approach him for conversation. Until I started paying attention to what it means to “respect,” I gave it little thought. I used to think that he was ignoring me, didn’t care about what I was saying, and he often had no recollection that a conversation had taken place. Nina, you are spot-on with this approach. At first, I was resistant to the idea of approaching/treating my husband in this way. After all, he wasn’t giving me what I needed. However, I have discovered that I have the key–respect! When I approach my husband for communication this way, he is honest about his availability, and he either stops what he’s doing or plans a different time. In either case, I get his undivided attention, honest input, and intimacy in communication that would not be there if I had been demanding. He sees me in a different light when I approach him like this. He cherishes and values me rather than rolling his eyes or ignoring me. Every woman should tap into this “secret” power.
SO glad you’ve put this into practice and are reaping positive results!
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