4 Ways to Help Your Husband Grow
4 Ways to Help Your Husband Grow
Wish there was a way you could help your husband grow? Every day our ministry gets mail from women around the world wondering what they can do in their marriages to make a difference for their families. Today, in this short post, I want to share some ideas we have seen truly help.
1. Accept God’s Timing
Here’s why: you’ll take pressure you’re not even aware you’re applying off your husband. People typically resist pressure. Thinking your timing is better than God’s, even when you have 408 reasons why it should be, is putting yourself and your agenda on the throne – and we need to remember this from Ecclesiastes 3, which applies to everything, by the way, not just waiting on God to move our husband:
There’s a season for everything
and a time for every matter under the heavens:
2 a time for giving birth and a time for dying,
a time for planting and a time for uprooting what was planted,
3 a time for killing and a time for healing,
a time for tearing down and a time for building up,
4 a time for crying and a time for laughing,
a time for mourning and a time for dancing,
5 a time for throwing stones and a time for gathering stones,
a time for embracing and a time for avoiding embraces,
6 a time for searching and a time for losing,
a time for keeping and a time for throwing away,
7 a time for tearing and a time for repairing,
a time for keeping silent and a time for speaking,
8 a time for loving and a time for hating,
a time for war and a time for peace.
2. Be a Respectful Wife
Here’s why: the essence of respect is gentleness and treating someone else as precious to God – even when we might disagree. Because our men were boys raised in a culture that tells them to stuff their emotions (“big boys don’t cry,” “act like a man,” etc.) they grow up with attachment wounds that make them insecure in their relationships, which shows up as defensiveness. Gentleness is the key to interacting with men so they don’t feel threatened and respond defensively.
1 Thessalonians 2:7
On the contrary, we were gentle among you, like a nursing mother caring for her children.
1 Peter 3:8-11
To sum up, all of you be harmonious, sympathetic, brotherly, kindhearted, and humble in spirit; not returning evil for evil or insult for insult, but giving a blessing instead; for you were called for the very purpose that you might inherit a blessing.
A gentle answer turns away wrath, But a harsh word stirs up anger.
3. Encourage his leadership with groups from Life Model Works
You know I take very seriously the materials I recommend to you.
These people are amazing. They call themselves, “neuro-theologists” and they take what changes the patterns in our brains and relate it back to scripture – but also teach activities and skills that help people return to joy and do relationships well. And they are the bomb for men! So if your husband is open to it, go to the Annual Gathering.
I highly recommend is this:
My husband and I, and several of my friends and their spouses are going to this. Here’s why: it’s GREAT FOR MEN. It’s taught by men, and the environment is uber-safe for men. Here’s the description from the website:
The 2017 Annual Gathering stands to be unlike any event Life Model Works has hosted. With an exciting team of presenters and trainers, the 2017 Annual Gathering will focus on our need to practice relationship skills with both God and people. We call this event Immanuel-centered Relationships because we must learn to use skills that are relational to effectively engage the Living God and we need skills in order to interact with people.
Click on the image above and join us. I hope to see you there. I’ve read their research, and their books, and watched a number of their videos – this is legit. I seldom recommend something before I attend it. But I am this. I can’t wait and hope to see you in April! (I’m not going to the dinner – I don’t know him personally)
4. Encourage him to spend time with other men
Here’s why: men learn best from other men. Now before you run off and call me a misogynist, know this is basic wiring. There is a reason babies don’t model after the golden retriever. They model after the mom. Humans are social beings, so we are quick to identify with our own gender. In this well-researched article from Huntington Post on The Important Role of Dad, we can easily see why it matters for men to learn from other men about fathering – the cycle continues within their own homes as their sons learn from them.
Every male psychologist, pastor, author, trainer, and leader I’ve ever asked confirms – men learn best from other men.
What about you?
What am I missing? Obviously I’m assuming you are pursuing God like crazy and developing your own relationship with Jesus Christ – I was trying to grab some of the big others. Please feel free to add to this in the comment section!
Couple things you might want to know about…
Our eCourse for our parenting book, With All Due Respect, is up and running – you can find out more by clicking here and entering the code daretorespect, you’ll get $40 off for a limited time.
And here’s a few posts you mind find of interest…
Am I Disrespecting MYSELF? – from Peacefulwife
Why Your Husband Doesn’t Respect YOU
Is Complaining Ruining Your Marriage?
How Being Defensive is Destroying Your Marriage
How encouragement can make a difference
When You are the Only One Trying in Your Marriage
If you think of us, please pray! We’re in growth mode, and we need resources and people. The ministry is growing, God is moving, lives are changing, and if you feel led to help us in any small way financially, we sure would appreciate it.
And I love you. Thanks for letting me walk with you on this part of your journey!
And I have good news! I know I’m starting the Dares over just in time for Valentines Day!
What if the only men your husband wants to hang out with are, drunks, men who don’t want much to do with their families, make jokes about wives. And are consistently getting bitter at other Christians when feeling convicted about their unwillingness to change the way they relate to the family. Should I still encourage my husband to hang out with men?
I have a similar difficulty following that one suggestion, L. My husband is very antisocial, but the only people he has shown even a bit of interest in befriending are younger than him, immature, adulterous, and abuse substances. I have tried many times to gently suggest he spend time with older people who seem to have good marriages, but he has no interest. He tells me he only wants to hang out with “his kind of people” – which means adolescent-minded pot heads, I guess. I don’t know how I could possibly influence him to spend time with someone a bit more mature. His own age, even. He just won’t do it.
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