When your teen is disrespectful…
Wondering what to do when your teen is disrespectful? Feeling brave? Join us in this assessment based on Biblical “what works” parenting tips – and at the end of this post, you’ll get a code to join us in our eCourse for With All Due Respect with $59 off the tuition, good through Friday, January 20, 2017. (okay, I’ll tell you now, it’s YOUANDAFRIEND16 – you BOTH can use the code 🙂 )
Read through the assessment… and when you are finished taking it, chime in at the comment section – let’s talk about this today!
Dare 1 ASSESS YOUR PARENTING INTERACTIONS
Jesus answered and said to him, “If anyone loves Me, he will keep My
word; and My Father will love him, and We will come to him and make
Our home with him. He who does not love Me does not keep My words;
and the word which you hear is not Mine but the Father’s who sent Me.”
—John 14:23–24 nkjv
Let’s begin by assessing your current interactions with your child using a tool that addresses what it means to be a biblical parent. Remember that each of us is created differently, and each of our kids has different needs and bents. What works in one home may not work in another. What works for dad might not work for mom. God gave your child two parents who each think and operate differently, so we encourage you to think about how you operate in concert with one another. You each should have separate relationships with your child, as well as the relationship you call family.
If you are a single mom or your husband is not fully engaged in your family life, take heart. God Himself will walk beside you in the process of parenting, just as He does in two-parent families. Of course, you may have to work at things a little harder as the struggles become more intense through the teen years. We would encourage you to find other adults who might be willing to walk alongside your child to offer the balance and support that you alone can’t provide. Above all, depend on Him to supply your needs. If you are part of a blended or divorced situation, we would encourage you to seek God’s wisdom as to whether you should include the divorced parent or how to incorporate the stepparent into this process. God knows the struggles you face. He’ll provide a way, as He loves your child deeply.
Be assured that this book does not prescribe a one-size-fits-all mentality when it comes to parenting. None of us was created to be supermom. Our desire is to help each of us be aware of some of the important aspects of parenting that sometimes fall off the radar screen during the busyness of life. You will see as you go through the Personal Parenting Assessment below that generalized terms are used rather than specific ones to allow for the different experiences that you may have. Please note that the words teen or tween show up interchangeably, since the questions apply to both age categories. You’ll also see that the assessment addresses habits and attitudes that the Bible encourages us to practice as parents. Prayerfully consider each of the issues in the assessment as an opportunity for your own personal development. As we allow God to search our hearts and examine our minds in our desire to love our children as the Lord loves us, may He give us wisdom, knowledge, and understanding.
You’ll be stunned when you see how all these things come together to help – when your teen is disrespectful and you want to create deeper relationships in your whole family. 🙂
You can listen to the story on FamilyLife Today! right here…
Personal Parenting Assessment
Do I spend consistent time in prayer daily?
Do I read the Bible frequently?
Do I daily make decisions based on what I think would please God?
Is my heart filled with gratitude for all God has done for me?
Do I choose to live my life for God more than I concern myself with what others think?
Do I understand my need for the Holy Spirit living within me, guiding my steps, instead of depending on my own abilities?
Is my relationship with God a living experience more than an intellectual concept?
Do I regularly attend church?
Am I more concerned with being holy or making my teen happy?
Do I actively discuss spiritual things with my teen?
Do I help my teen navigate difficulties by going to the Bible?
Do I let my teen know what I am struggling with (appropriately) and ask for prayer?
Do I apologize and seek forgiveness from my teen when I hurt him or her or am wrong?
Do I pray with my teen on a regular basis?
Am I concise in my communication more than I ramble and go off on tangents?
Am I considered a good listener or do I interrupt when my teen is disrespectful?
Do I handle conflict with a gentle and calm tone more than being emotional?
Does my teen confide in me?
Do I communicate positively more than I am critical or sarcastic?
Do I know the difference between criticism and coaching?
Do I encourage and support more than I criticize and correct my kids in public?
Do I only share stories about my kid with his or her permission?
Do I have emotional control more than I react or judge when my teen opens up to me?
Do I daily point out things my kid has done well?
Does my teen perceive me as a positive person more than a complainer?
Do I seek feedback from my kids about my attitude toward them?
Do I know how to give advice to my teens in a way that allows them to hear it, and do they often take it?
Does my teen seek me out for advice?
Do I communicate openly with my teens more than I give them ultimatums?
CONFIDENT AND ASSURED PARENT
Do others perceive me as confident and God-dependent rather than arrogant, aggressive, controlling, manipulative, timid, or fearful?
Do I feel courageous enough to do what God wants me to do?
Do I have a spirit of power, love, and self-discipline?
Do I know God’s purposes for my life and trust He will help me succeed?
Do I engage in difficult discussions in a healthy way, or do I avoid them or handle them aggressively?
Am I confident in the decisions I make as a parent?
Do I know when and how to let my teen fail and when and how to step in to help?
Am I confident that God has things under control, so I have no need to manipulate others to make things happen a certain way?
Do I apologize to my family members, including my kids, without making excuses or blaming someone else when I make mistakes?
Am I preparing to launch my kid into adulthood more than trying to control his or her behavior?
Can I receive criticism, praise, and negative or positive feedback about my tween or teen without taking it personally?
Do my family members trust me?
FAMILY RELATIONSHIP ARCHITECT
Am I connected to my kid’s other parent in a healthy relationship?
Do I openly discuss concerns for our kids with the goal of reaching a unified decision with the other parent?
Do I have peace more than I struggle with a blended family where relationships aren’t clearly defined?
Do I suggest ways to engage our kid in a deeper relationship with both parents separately and together?
Do I understand and actively model healthy relationships with family members?
Do I pursue learning the desires of each family member and encourage support by other family members?
Do I encourage healthy communication with extended family either by providing opportunities or solidifying the boundaries?
What About You?
- What feelings or thoughts emerged from doing the evaluation?
- What do you think might have triggered the emotion or thought?
- Can those feelings and thoughts be trusted? Why or why not?
- Choose two areas that you feel most led to work on at this time. Why those?
- What would happen if you were able to grow significantly in those two areas in the next forty days?
- What would that mean for you, your tween or teen, and the other parent?
- Take some time to pray and ask God to give you clear insight regarding how things would be different if you were able to make changes in the areas you would like to grow in from the assessment. God desires to strengthen us to be the best parents we can be. Invite Him to walk beside you on this journey, revealing ways in which you can grow and be better equipped to handle the trials that come in the parenting process.
Pray with us…
Lord, I confess I don’t know which way to turn half the time. I have trouble discerning Your will in the middle of the average day. I ache to have healthy relationships with the members of my family, to bring glory to You this way. I also confess I am often more concerned about things working out the way I deem is “good” than I am with what You might have in mind. I try to control. I don’t know You well enough to only care about what You want. I want more peace and less angst in our family. Help me be a peacemaker; help me be courageous enough to follow You.
Fill me with Your Spirit.
Help me disciple my kids well, and, Lord, may they know You. Bring them into relationship with You, O God. Thank You for Jesus. I fully know You are also a parent. You know and understand sacrificial love better than any of us, so remind me of that. Remind me that You love my kids more than their dad and I ever could. Help me trust You in that.
It’s in Jesus’ name I pray.
And can I just remind you that this is MINISTRY? It’s not about me, and it’s not about making money – I don’t make anything from it!
We really feel like God is doing something special here… and we’re not alone. A few experts have chimed in –
Praise for what God is doing in With All Due Respect
With All Due Respect is a great resource for parents wanting to connect with their tweens and teens in an authentic and faith-filled way. Nina and Debbie do a great job of offering readers a practical guide for strengthening those often strained relationships.
—Emerson Eggerichs, author of Love & Respect
In With All Due Respect, Nina Roesner and Debbie Hitchcock successfully demonstrate how respect and encouragement help us form a special bond with our children. I wish I could hand [a copy of this book] to every mom-friend I have.
—Jo Ann Fore, LifePlan coach and author of When a Woman Finds Her Voice
A spectacular tool for every mom who has heard the advice “be purposeful,” and wondered, “But what does that mean?” This ultra-practical guidebook shows each of us what it means. Step by step, day by day, this amazing resource will walk each of us into being the godly moms we all deeply want to be, to have the impact on our kids we are all longing for.
—Shaunti Feldhahn, social researcher and bestselling author of For Women Only
With All Due Respect is a painfully practical guide to better parenting. It holds up the mirror of questions parents needs to ask themselves about their own behaviors while giving time-tested advice from moms who’ve found success and failure in the trenches of guiding tweens and teens.
—Chad Hovind, pastor of Horizon Community Church; author of FastTrack Bible (Lifeway) and Godonomics: How to Save Our Country and Protect Your Wallet Through Biblical Principles of Finance (Multnomah)
SO – it’s your turn to chime in – what’s YOUR biggest area of struggle with your kids? What were you feeling/thinking while doing the assessment?
Can’t wait to hear from you! And just so you know, our eCourse for With All Due Respect is starting MONDAY with a new group. Come join the discussion and link arms with others just like you. 🙂 The coupon code is YOUANDAFRIEND16 and both of you register separately, and BOTH of you get $59 off the tuition. 🙂 This is good through FRIDAY, January 20, 2017.
Love to you,
What a great reminder, encouragement, to pick just two things to concentrate on to help build the relationship between me and my children. As a S&D participant, when I feel many great opportunities to build my boys up as men are sabotaged by my husband, I cherish the reminders that God is greater; He, my Perfect Father, is all I need to direct me in the how, where and why of what my boys need to grow into strong and courageous men, husbands and fathers.
YES – we get discouraged when we focus on all the things, all the opportunities, but when we pick just two, it seems doable. 🙂 He IS all we need – and He WILL help us – and the cool thing is so many other things spill over when we move forward in just two!
So glad you are here!
Love to you, Renee!
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