Wondering why he disrespects you?
Let’s use an analogy to understand why husbands sometimes disrespect their wives… So let’s say you are an avid runner and want to significantly increase your distance and pace because you want to not only run a marathon, but you want to run it fast enough to qualify for the Boston marathon. You need to talk with someone about the best way to make this happen without getting injured.
Whose advice will you seek out?
A weekend warrior?
Or someone that’s actually qualified for Boston?
What if you knew an Olympic marathon runner?
Whose advice would have the most “clout” with you?
The Olympic athlete’s right?
And if she wasn’t home, you’d probably talk to the gal down the street you knew actually qualified and ran Boston.
How’s this tie into respect?
Quite simply – our respect for another only carries with it as much clout and credibility as we are perceived as having by the person we’re showing respect to.
Perhaps the most common way we get that clout and credibility is by acting as if we deserve it. I’m not suggesting we become arrogant or prideful, however, but rather the subtle small ways we are kind to ourselves. It’s not a”me first” attitude, but rather a quiet strength in knowing who we are – and Whose we are, understanding we are NOT expected to be God, accepting our humanity, humbly acknowledging that we have limitations and lack perfection.
If we treat ourselves like trash, our respect and honor that we give to another is as common as a peasant’s, but if we treat ourselves with respect, our honor and respect for another is like that of royalty.
It’s the same reason that we give credence to the doctor who tells us to watch our cholesterol, but we don’t take action when our mom suggests it to us.
Two people walk up to you and say your family is amazing – which would hold more credibility and impact for you – Dr. Kevin Leman, or the neighbor five houses over?
Please don’t misunderstand me, either.
I’m not saying we shouldn’t take care of our homes and families – what I AM saying, however, is that too many women in our culture not only treat themselves like trash, but they do so in the name of serving Jesus Christ. And in turn, it can create an environment where their husband disrespects them.
And it’s costing families everywhere. Women around the globe are still responsible for the majority of the housework, while we’re seeing women’s stress levels at all time highs. We’re also suffering with chronic pain and other health concerns at higher levels compared to men.
If you want to see how Christ actually modeled this for us, check this post.
Much of this comes from the differences God created in male and female brains – and quite honestly, our literal vision is different. What this often means is simply this: we women SEE and SMELL more filth, clutter, dirt, etc., AND we CARE more than men do about it because we are different! So women will likely continue doing more than men in the home because we are wired to do that. We’ll also likely always know where the ketchup is in the refrigerator – it’s always right in front of our husband, who’s looking and asking where it is. 🙂
Having more THINGS also complicates our lives and brings elements of chaos our mothers never even dreamed of. The material culture of Western abundance is crippling us – contemporary households have more items per household than any other age in human history. STOP. A recent global study says kids are happier with LESS – so don’t buy the lie of the culture that says they need more. They don’t. They need YOU. A less stressed, less tired, pain-free version of you. Check this for more about why your husband may not respect you. NEXT WEEK I’ll share some very specific ways that you can Biblically respect yourself. You might also be interested in this post by Gary Thomas, who gives some specifics on what YOU need to change when your spouse won’t. (And I’m totally geeking out because he commented on my comment inviting women to our Strength & Dignity eCourse… 🙂 )
And think about this – kids need a sense of belonging, of being necessary, to connect with their family deeply – so if you are doing all their chores and picking up for them, making all their meals, doing all their laundry – you are keeping them a child longer, and decreasing their skills and abilities to learn and practice time management. So I’m daring us all to major in the majors, get rest, and do less in order to have more and BE more in our homes.
Dare you today to ask – am I doing things for my husband or kids that they could be doing for themselves? Is my behavior communicating “mother” instead of “friend” and “lover” to my husband? Is my behavior creating an atmosphere of entitlement with my family, and am I the provider? And don’t be a pendulum swinger and accuse me of not encouraging women to be Titus 2 wives!
Bottom line: if you want a life partner, and desire to be an equal heir in the Kingdom today, start acting like it, by:
not doing too much
creating an environment where you are respected
respecting others, remembering their preciousness to God
By staying out of the way of your husband and kids needs to achieve and be needed.
It makes a difference.
Dare you to chime in on how this strikes you today! What could you do this week to move forward in these areas? Looking forward to the dialogue!
And if you struggle in this area, please join our FREE Strength & Dignity eCourse. It’s some work – but it’s helping women realize and remember who God made them to be. Be sure to sign up for the marriage TIPS! in the sidebar – you’ll also get my blog delivered to you.
And… if you are feeling called to ministry because of what God’s done in your life – WE HAVE MINISTRY FOR YOU! If you haven’t signed up for Boot Camp yet – wait a bit – we’re going to have a coupon out soon to save you $50. Space is limited. Pray about it. Find out more here. It’s like nothing else you’ve ever done.
Be sure to check out my friend Melissa’s blog post on Dare 8 this week. 🙂
Love to you,
Here’s a few more posts you might find useful:
One more thing?
It’s not a small thing.
Seriously, if you lead women’s studies, and you want to do marriage ministry that makes a crazy wild lasting difference, you need to pray about joining us for Boot Camp.
We have marriage and family ministry for you – ministry that makes a difference – it’s His, but it’s amazing, and we’d love to help you grow as a leader – and make a greater impact in the neck of the woods He’s entrusted to YOU.
I’d like YOU to pray about Boot Camp – September 7-12, 2016. More info HERE. Here’s a discount coupon good for $50 off each for you AND a friend – if you use it by May 15: bringafriend2016
If you feel called to lead others, to be a Titus 2 woman of influence in your neck of the woods, please seriously consider joining us in ministry. We’re training others to use the incredible discipleship method He has given us – and He’s growing ministry all around the world as a result.