To think about why your husband no longer respects you is painful.
But you’ve noticed it, right?
The disrespect shows up in small ways… and big ones.
A look of disdain here…
The curved lip of contempt there…
Dishes left out for “someone else” to do… same with the dirty laundry…
Opinions ignored, advice unsought…
You sit and look at Dare 8 in The Respect Dare and think, “But what about me?”
While this dare is awesome, and I encourage you to do it with wild abandon because the activity and the questions literally have been proven scientifically to impact your attitude and relationships… while all that is true, I want to address the other side of the equation today.
Because chances are, if you are like too many women in our culture today, you either are someone or know someone this has happened to.
“Creep” has occurred… and you wake up one day and realize that you’re taking care of the majority of what’s going on in the home.
You’re dealing with nearly all of the domestic duties.
You’re handling almost all of the kid issues.
I’m so sorry if this is you. Equally sorry if it is a friend of yours.
But I’m here as a harbinger of hope today! This chore “creep” in marriage isn’t because your husband has become one! He’s just responding naturally to something that occurs in many marriages – and it starts out innocently… it starts out as love.
What began as getting up with the baby in the middle of the night because you “only” work part-time or are a stay-at-home-mom has morphed into something else.
Somehow taking over the laundry because you were “home more anyway” has evolved into being responsible for way too many things.
So YES, by all means, do Dare 8 today the way it is in the book, but also take a brief inventory on whether or not you have gone from being a wife to being a mom – to the man you married.
Yes, I said that.
Here’s the thing… most marriage experts from Dr. John Gray to Gary Thomas to Dr. Kevin Leman to Dr. Gary Smalley will tell you that if you emasculate a man, he stops acting like one. Men need to be needed. In your efforts to serve your family well, have you taken over his job?
Have you rescued and enabled him to let you?
Can I just let you know today that there is hope?
The wrong answer is to assume his motives are heinous and he’s out to get you. He’s probably not even noticed. He’s put his energy into work – where he can feel like he’s needed and achieve something. Maybe you’ve been doing so much that he doesn’t feel like he’s needed around the house or in your family any more. And according to Gary Thomas – he doesn’t change because he doesn’t have to.
I know first-hand how this issue can show up in marriage – my husband traveled quite a bit for work years ago and still does sometimes. I’m not an idiot – I’m capable. But do I want to put him out of a job in his home? NO.
Think about this – if we’re acting like our husband’s mother, picking up after him, doing everything (too much) around the house, not calling them to a higher level as men, not needing them, not giving them things at home to achieve, etc., how can they possibly see us as their lovers, their wives?
Think about it.
Are you creating an environment of mutual respect?
Dare you today to ask yourself – am I doing things for my husband or kids that they could be doing for themselves? If you want to be doing your twenty-something’s laundry forever or making all of his meals daily, if that’s your dream, then have at it. If you want your husband to see you as a mom figure who takes care of him, go for it. And don’t be a pendulum swinger and accuse me of not encouraging women to be Titus 2 wives!
Bottom line: if you want a life partner, and desire to be an equal heir in the Kingdom today, start acting like it.
By not doing too much.
By staying out of the way of your husband and kids need to achieve and being needed.
It makes a difference.
Dare you to chime in on how this strikes you today! 🙂 Looking forward to the dialogue!
And if you struggle in this area, please join our FREE Strength & Dignity eCourse. It’s some work – but it’s helping women realize and remember who God made them to be. Be sure to sign up for the marriage TIPS! and/or the blog in the sidebar. 🙂
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