Where to Start When You’re Wounded…
Dare 4
Are You…You?
I realize that’s a crazy sounding title.
“Are you… you?” As in, am I harboring multiple personalities? Am I someone else? Huh?
No… not what I mean. (and heads up – you may want to break this one into a few days! 🙂 )
Here’s the thing: all of us are wounded; all of us are sinners. Some of us are so wounded we won’t even acknowledge our wounding, and others can’t see the absolute marvelous blessing it is to forever be a sinner. In either case, we often are not behaving out of who we are created to be.
Let’s start with wounding. From the time we are babies, we navigate creating our sense of self. We look to a human face as an infant first, and then we begin to synthesize non-verbal cues into whom others see us to be. We’re simply sponge, developing primitive skills at excruciatingly slow rates – basic things like knowing that painful thing in our stomach goes away when we are fed, and realizing that if we cry mom will feed us. While all of this is going on, we’re busy developing socially also. We learn smiles are good things, frowns not so much. If we are living in an abusive home where our basic needs for nourishment, comfort and safety are neglected, at some point we might learn that our needs don’t get met no matter what we do – and we more easily become wounded.
The enemy has a hand in this too. I stood at the top of the stairs, 9 months pregnant, and one of my kids at age 3 decided that I didn’t love him anymore because of the new baby. This is one of his first memories. What’s crazy relieving and angering righteous-style is that I did everything “right” in that moment. He wanted me to pick him up. I was in tons of pain – combine a connective tissue disorder, tiny bone structure, and what turned out to be a 9lb 15oz baby, and I couldn’t lift him. I squatted down to his level when he asked me to carry him. I said something like, “Oh, honey, I wish I could. I love carrying you, and after the baby is born, I’ll be able to do that sometimes again. Right now, my tummy is so big and I hurt so much I can’t pick you up. How about I sit next to you and give you a hug for a while?” And that’s what we did instead.
I remember the moment because he gave me a funny look. He said okay, but something seemed a little off. He later told me that He “just knew” that I didn’t love him anymore, and that the baby was taking his spot. I learned that when he was 12 years old. The enemy of our souls is very good at what he does – so please know that even if it was possible to be the perfect parent (which I’m not btw, but that was one of the “got it right” moments), wounding CAN STILL occur. All of us are wounded in some way – it’s just some of us know where and choose to deal with it. That’s part of being self-aware and choosing to grow like God commands us.
Which brings me to the second point I made above: there’s tremendous freedom in knowing that we are now and will always be sinners. Saved by grace sinners, but none of us will ever live a perfect life, we’ll never do everything right, and we can’t possibly be right all the time. There’s only one Jesus. When I realized this truth, it took a ton of pressure off of me. I strive to do my best regardless, but I stopped beating myself up when I sin. I still have a bit of grief over these things when they occur, but I don’t dwell on them. I confess, apologize to those I injure and God, and then get on with things, trying to do better, and receiving grace. I don’t receive condemnation from myself or others once I have repented. There’s freedom and great courage in those things – that’s where the “life abundant” that Jesus talks about lives.
John 10:9-10
I am the door. If anyone enters by me, he will be saved and will go in and out and find pasture. The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.
This abundant living can occur today – now-style. It’s not just for heaven. It shows up when we start looking at conflict as a necessary and even good thing. We accept hard and painful times as good, even when we cannot see the good until we’re through the pain. We see it when we are no longer afraid to speak the truth in love – to anyone, including our spouse, our parents, our children, our friends, etc.
This is the first evidence of whether or not we respect ourselves, in my humble opinion.
We stop living in fear. And this needs to occur, because the opposite of abundant living is what could be “shackled living” where we are trapped by fear, and fear is sin. Doing anything that God tells us not to do, essentially, is sin. Failing to do things that God tells us to do is also sin. It helps a lot to know the Bible. The Bible is worth reading over and over again, daily-style, because the text is a living document, capable of speaking into the Now that you are currently in. It is the most common way God speaks to His children (those who have accepted Christ as the payment for their sin).
If you aren’t sure if you are one of God’s children, let’s take a moment and talk about that. Because God is perfect and holy and we are not, we need to somehow make restitution for that. We can’t though – so Jesus does it for us – and if you have chosen to learn His commands, obey Him, and really believe He is God and died and rose from the dead, you are one of His children.
If you haven’t done that yet, right now, you can choose to – just say to God, “Thank You for sending Jesus as the way to You. I know I am not worthy of eternal life, and that my heart deserves the fires of hell for the many sins I have committed, including ones I don’t even know about yet. Thank You that Jesus paid the price for my sins, and because of Him, He stands before me, presenting me as without stain. I have chosen to follow His teaching, learn to know and love You and others more, and fully believe that Jesus Christ is God, that He died for me, rose from the dead, and is Your Son, but also You, along with the Holy Spirit. Thank You for this gift of salvation – and I know I can go to heaven, but relationship with You means so much more. Help me experience Your presence, Your peace, and live to please only You with my life. It’s Yours. In Jesus’ Name, I pray, Amen.”
That prayer includes a few extras – you really only have to choose to believe that Christ is God and God’s Son, that He died on the cross, and rose from the dead; then make Him Lord of your entire life (by reading the Bible consistently, praying, listening, and obeying His Word), and confess to others verbally that this is true for you. Romans 10:9 spells this out clearly. You’ll notice that the verse includes the word “heart,” in many translations. It is my prayer that it is more than a choice, but a yearning, an ache for you. If it’s not, ask Him to make it that way – and He will!
Isaiah 41:10
Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
Philippians 4:6-7
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Psalm 56:3
When I am afraid, I put my trust in you.
2 Timothy 1:7
For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.
Deuteronomy 31:6
Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.
Matthew 6:25-34
“Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. …”
Psalm 34:4
I sought the Lord, and he answered me and delivered me from all my fears.
1 Peter 5:6-7
Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.
A good chunk of the problems we have with sin, and healing from our various wounds is that we don’t really know who God made us to be. We have a hard time wrapping our brains around the gifting He’s given us, and we don’t think deeply about things – we distract and numb ourselves to His still small voice with screens and busyness. Given that we’re seeing research that reveals the critically important bonding between parents and children is being damaged by screens, and on top of that, there’s now research that shows cell phone radiation could be detrimental to a fetus, it’s a great idea to limit our “screen time” anyway. We need to get quiet, reflect daily on Him, who He made us to be, and get our marching orders from the Word of God, the Bible. He will amaze you with giving you just what you need just when you need it.
Much of what we need to learn about ourselves occurs if we’ll just take time to be quiet and observant. If we ask God how He gifted us, He’ll bring to mind our strengths, and our opportunities. Today’s dare is in two parts and will take you several days to do. The first part is to spend time reflecting on your gifting, and if money isn’t an issue, taking a Strength Finder’s test. Whether or not you decide to spring for the online test, sitting and asking God some questions and journaling about the answers will be beneficial.
What About You?
• How did today speak to you as you read through the verses and thoughts about fears and abundant living?
• How do these fears affect who you think God made you to be?
• What are the top 3 things you absolutely LOVE to do?
• What are the top 3 things other people say you do well?
• What then, in looking at those 6 items above, would you say are your greatest strengths?
• What would you (and others) say are weaknesses of yours? (limit 3)
• How do your fears affect your strengths and weaknesses?
• How does writing all of this out make you feel?
The second part of today’s dare is also based on some crazy-good research from a psychologist at the State University of New York at Stony Brook named, Arthur Aron. He has studied relationships extensively and has created a list of questions that can deeply connect people to each other, creating intimacy that usually takes weeks to months. We’ll use these same 30+ questions with other people intentionally in a coming dare, but for now, INTERVIEW YOURSELF. Part of being self-aware (while of course knowing how your behavior impacts others) is knowing yourself and what you really think about certain things, understanding your values and deeper thoughts, if you will. Most of the questions come from Aron’s research, but I’ve added a few that we’ve seen work as well, and are faith-based. Take as much time as you need to respond to these questions in your journal. In the words of Dale Carnegie, “become genuinely interested in other people,” but today, that person is YOU. If you are doing this dare journey in a group, have your participants write out their answers and let them keep them to themselves. Aron’s book is Handbook of Closeness and Intimacy, in case you want to do further study. It’s pretty academic and is a collection of studies.
Here are some of the questions:
1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest? Why?
2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?
3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?
4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?
5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?
6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?
7. Who is the person you admire most? Name 3 things you have in common with this person.
8. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
9. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
10. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?
11. If God could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future, or anything else, what would you want to know?
12. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?
13. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life thus far?
14. What do you value most in a friendship?
15. What is your most treasured memory?
16. What is your most terrible memory?
17. When is a time you felt most cared for?
18. What roles do love and affection play in your life?
19. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?
20. Complete this sentence: ”I wish I had someone with whom I could share…”
21. If you were going to become a close friend with someone, what would you most want him or her to know?
22. What talents has God given you that you appreciate most?
23. What is your embarrassing moment in your life and why?
24. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?
25. What is something you have always liked about yourself?
26. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?
27. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?
The purpose of these questions is to give you an idea of how to be interested in who God made you to be. You have specific thoughts and are an interesting and unique person. The relationship you have with yourself begins with knowing yourself well. These questions encourage you to interact with yourself. This is the basis for knowing two very important things for growth: 1) what you think about something, and 2) what you feel about it.
Too many times we find ourselves allowing ourselves to be controlled or vicariously lived through by another person. We have co-dependent relationships where we are afraid to do the right thing because we are too concerned about what someone else thinks of us. Some of this begins with not knowing what we even think so we are easily manipulated, and even before that, we are not in the habit of actually being interested in what we, as an individual think about something. We don’t take a moment to ask God what we should think about it. We just get carried away in someone else’s wishes – and too often, it’s not what we should have done.
Pray with me?
Dear God,
I thank You that I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I thank You for knitting me together in my mother’s womb, and for generously giving me gifts for Your glory. Help me learn to serve You with them. Help me learn that pride gets in the way of understanding who You’ve made me to be, but also find the confidence in the ability to be comfortable in who I am. I confess I feel so awkward sometimes, and fear grabs hold of me, sometimes even keeping me from doing what You’ve gifted and made me to do.
Help me not give way to fear, Lord. Help me do what is right and feel good, even if I am afraid when I do the right thing. Help me stop doing things because other people pressure me to, and instead, find myself in how You’ve made me, and help me grow in those strengths. Help me see where I am wounded, oh Lord, reveal to me the areas in my life that need healing. Show me where they get in the way of how You’ve made me. Help me overcome these wounds with Your truth, comfort, peace, and power. Show me as I meditate on the first moments I remember of that wounding, the specific incidents, reveal to me where Jesus is in those moments. Your Word says You will never leave me or forsake me, so help me see You in the moments that have wounded me. Help me see what is true. Help me not serve to please man, but instead to please You. Help me live my life for the Audience of One, God, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Spirit. It is in Jesus Christ’s Name I pray, Amen.
Dare Ya!
The bottom line here is that to know how to heal from our woundings, we need to be self-aware – we need to know ourselves and how our behavior affects others. We have to first start with knowing ourselves, though.
Dare you to take a good hard look at whether or not what you actually do lines up with how He made you. There may be areas where you don’t know your gifting yet, and that’s okay. Do you have someone controlling your behavior? Are you doing what God would have you do, taking time to think and pray before acting, or are you allowing yourself to be a puppet for someone else?
Double dog dare you to consider the thoughts you had as you completed the many questions. Were they mostly positive and encouraging thoughts, or negative, maybe even shaming, guilty ones? How comfortable were you in interacting with yourself over these things?
Triple dog dare you to answer these questions: What do you sense God wants you to know about your woundings and giftings? What A-Ha’s did you have from this exercise? What does He want you to do with that?
Am seriously interested in hearing your reaction and thoughts about these things. 🙂
Chime in on the comments section below with your initial response, and then after you do the exercises, come back and let’s keep talking.
Love to you,
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Wow, this post is alot to think about and absorb. I have been looking through it a bit the last day or two. It’s what I need so much right now and I need to take time and think about my answers to these questions. My mind is wirling right now becuase of so many different changes in my life that has made the relationship between my husband and I strained, again.
The response from you all are also things that I needed to hear and think on. Sometimes in life we just need to sit in Jesus’ lap and allow him to hold and hug us. Thanks, Nina for a wonderful post.
Just wanted to tell you, Nina, that day 3 of Daughters of Sarah video was very helpful for me.
• How did today speak to you as you read through the verses and thoughts about fears and abundant living?
I have much fear still in me. I try and pray HARD to not let it affect me or project onto my family
• How do these fears affect who you think God made you to be?
God did not make me to be fearful. I know this, but sometimes my heart and head aren’t on the same page
• What are the top 3 things you absolutely LOVE to do?
Grow vegetables
Go hiking
Spend time with my family
• What are the top 3 things other people say you do well?
Compassion for others
Lift up/provide education to others
Write
• What then, in looking at those 6 items above, would you say are your greatest strengths?
My greatest strength lies in my compassion for others. I strive to help in any way that I can. One of my goals (bucket list items) is to go on a medical mission at least one time in my life
• What would you (and others) say are weaknesses of yours? (limit 3)
Patience
knowing my limits
Boundaries
• How do your fears affect your strengths and weaknesses?
My fear of losing my family has had me pushing them away for years. It started when I lost my son. I NEVER felt that same connection with any of my other kids.. Then with the infidelity in my marriage it made things worse.. It has now forced me to be serious about trusting God. If I am to take the Lord’s word, then I shold not fear or doubt that he will make it happen.
• How does writing all of this out make you feel?
It makes me feel better.. makes it more real. I can hide inside my self all I want.. but when I shine light (His light) on my issues, and speak them with out shame, I am better able to let GO and Let God!
Tifannie,
I hope you get a chance to go overseas. I’ve been 6 times on medical mission trips over the last several years and am going again in a few weeks. I pray that God will give you that opportunity. They are the highlights of my year. Last year I was sobbing because I did not want to come home.
I cannot imagine your pain in losing your son. I don’t think I could live with that kind of pain… May the Lord comfort you.
Elizabeth, my heart goes out to you my dear! I have been there… I have spoken hate filled words to God and about God to others in my pain. We will never know WHY things happen.. yes, he can prevent all pain and hurts, but then how would we know the good and soft and lovely things are so great? I truly believe now that all things work for my good.. it has taken YEARS for me to get to this place.
I am praying for you
Ok, I answered all of the questions… I’m just not sure how answering all of them helps this:
Too many times we find ourselves allowing ourselves to be controlled or vicariously lived through by another person. We have co-dependent relationships where we are afraid to do the right thing because we are too concerned about what someone else thinks of us. Some of this begins with not knowing what we even think so we are easily manipulated, and even before that, we are not in the habit of actually being interested in what we, as an individual think about something. We don’t take a moment to ask God what we should think about it. We just get carried away in someone else’s wishes – and too often, it’s not what we should have done.
As I told my husband, my automatic answer when he asks me about something is yes… I want him to be happy or want to make him happy. Later, I may think….you know, I REALLY don’t want to do that, but of course, then it is too late. For the past 30 years I’ve made it my top priority to make my husband happy, so much so that I have no idea who I am anymore….
Elizabeth,
I don’t know about your specific situation, but it may be that you just need to add some things to your life that make YOU filled up. 🙂 Serving is what we are called to do – enabling and being controlled is different. Given that your husband actually asks, I can’t tell if you are dealing with the later. It’s good to make our husband our priority – he should come before the kids and after God. 🙂
Not sure that helps. 🙂
Love to you,
Nina
I was going to comment on these questions:
• How did today speak to you as you read through the verses and thoughts about fears and abundant living?
• How do these fears affect who you think God made you to be?
• What are the top 3 things you absolutely LOVE to do?
• What are the top 3 things other people say you do well?
• What then, in looking at those 6 items above, would you say are your greatest strengths?
• What would you (and others) say are weaknesses of yours? (limit 3)
• How do your fears affect your strengths and weaknesses?
• How does writing all of this out make you feel?
All of these verses distinctly say not to fear and yet I am paralyzed with fear, so once again I am a failure… Fear has completely overwhelmed me over the last few years and I long to be that girl that was so confident in the future, so bubbly, so full o fhope, so full of laughter… She is so long gone and the person God created me to be has been buried under the rubble.
I love to sing. I love to work with people and to bring organization to chaos. I love to bring out the best in people.
I asked some of my friends and family and this is what they said:
I am calm among life’s storms.
I am always positive despite what is going on and lead others in a humble way bringing glory to God
I am very organized.
I am a good teacher.
I’m not sure what to think about what they said because obviously I’ve been able to hide my inner turmoil very well. In fact that is what has been so hard lately, to play the part and walk what I know should be true and yet completely falling apart in the inside. The calm, upbeat woman doesn’t really exist…..
My weaknesses would be caring too much what others’ think and I am so much harder on myself than anyone else. I expect perfection from myself and do not give myself any slack.
My fears make my strengths seem smaller and my weaknesses appear larger.
How does all of this make me feel….I’m not really sure.
Elizabeth.
You aren’t demonstrating fear, but bravery. Be truthful with friends, then do the thing that scares you. Ask for prayer for peace. Ask God what He wants you to know, then sit in quiet for a while. Do this several times, listening, and write what He reveals to you. Ask Him to confirm through His Word.
He is faithful. 🙂
You are gorgeous. 🙂
He loves you! 🙂
SO glad you are here.
Love to you,
Nina
I cannot be truthful with friends about most stuff because it involves my husband who is seen by most of them….. it has been such a stressful year in many, many ways..
Elizabeth – so sorry you are going through this. I am praying for some godly women to walk with you. We’re not meant to do this life alone.
Love to you,
Nina
Lynne:
I really liked your comments to Elizabeth – spoken with “love”.
Elizabeth:
It sounds like you are somewhat angry at God (disappointed in God). He can “handle it”. A book I found really helpful is “How to Pray When You are Pissed at God” by Ian Punnett. It is actually a good book and that IS the title.
We don’t always understand why God does what He does.
There is a scripture in Deuteronomy 10:17 “For the LORD your GOD is GOD of gods and LORD of lords, the great GOD, mighty and awesome, who shows no partiality nor takes a bribe. We all have what we have. GOD IS GOD and can do what He wants. (That’s a tough one. I do realize that.) Reading JOB could be helpful.
I like 1Peter 3:17 “That the genuineness of your faith, being much more precious than gold that perishes, though it is tested by fire, may be found to praise, honor, and glory at the revelation of Jesus Christ.
Also, the abundant life is “abundance in the Holy Spirit – not in worldly endeavors. Hope that helps. I know there is so much emphasis on “worldly stuff” – even in Christian churches, etc. It just does not work.
Also, I see you are honest, and genuine. Now, those are good qualities. I appreciate your comments.
I particularly like this:
This abundant living can occur today – now-style. It’s not just for heaven. It shows up when we start looking at conflict as a necessary and even good thing. We accept hard and painful times as good, even when we cannot see the good until we’re through the pain. We see it when we are no longer afraid to speak the truth in love – to anyone, including our spouse, our parents, our children, our friends, etc.
I honestly don’t see how any of this is possible in my life…. wish it were. Working through the post slowly now.
Prayers for you!
Honestly, I used to feel like all of you said. I’ve stood up and given testimonies in church about how God used my condition. When I was younger, I knew I would never be outwardly beautiful, so I concentrated on being inwardly beautiful. I’ve sung the Sandi Patti Masterpiece song as I’ve given my testimony…
I just don’t believe it anymore. He could have stopped it. But like so many people in my life, God does not protect me. I am vulnerable and alone.
Praying for you, baby, as you end up finding your way out of this deep PIT. 🙂 Might I recommend Hinds Feet in High Places? We ALL go through these ups and downs! 🙂
Love to you!
Then pray that God will help you in your unbelief. 🙂 That little verse is in there because we need it sometimes! 🙂
Love to you!
Nina
initially, my response is I have no idea the answers to the majority of those questions. Or time to think about it?!?!? Is that normal?
LOL! 🙂 Of course! 🙂 I’m excited for you, Beth, as you get to know yourself in a different way! 🙂
Love to you!
Not sure – maybe. Ask God what He would have you do, then sit and listen. 🙂 He’s faithful. Ask Him to confirm what He tells you in His Word. 🙂
Love to you,
Nina
This post felt like it was made for me. So if you have spent your entire life fulfilling the needs of other people, how do you figure out what you yourself even really think? Also what about being born with significant birth defects. I have been REALLY struggling lately with Psalm 139… and it has popped up EVERYWHERE… But I just cannot reconcile that if God formed me in the womb, then he chose to disfigure me… That hurts and doesn’t feel safe or loving.
Elizabeth,
You are so beautiful. Your honesty and the heart felt acknowledgement of the hurt you feel is one way you are able to be used by our loving Heavenly Father. Our physical bodies are temporary as they are going to be replaced by a glorious body. I know that this sounds like a pat on the back and “oh, it’s going to be ok – speech” but let me share something with you from a different perspective.
I work in a community of wonderful people. The beauty they have comes from so deep within that I can’t harness all of the good they bring. You see the people I work with are all disabled, disfigured, dysfunctional, and the “out casts” of society. I chose to work with these precious people because I myself, feel that I am not beautiful, accepted, needed, or wanted. Through my work with these special people they have taught me that my true beauty comes from within and is a true gift from God. Their kindness, gentleness, and acceptance is greater than I have ever received from any other human being, including my own family.
So let me challenge you Elizabeth, on the outside you do not always like what you see, how has that effected the inside? Can you see the beauty from within? My challenge to you is what my friends at work have challenged me to do. Make a list of all the strengths you have, post it on the bathroom mirror, bring a copy to work with you and share it with a few people. Next give the list to the Lord and ask Him to show you how beautiful you are in ways you never knew possible.
If you do this, I promise you will be amazed at what you learn about beauty, from the inside out.
I’m sending you a hug too because I know and understand your feeling and what you are going through. I am also praying for you in all of this. He loves you more than you know and accept Elizabeth!
Elizabeth,
I’m so glad Lynne responded first – her words are perfect. 🙂
All of us are disfigured inside and out, it’s just more obvious on some of us than others. I also sincerely believe He trusts those He’s gifted differently with specific challenges, if that makes any sense. I think the hardest part of this life is coming to terms with our failings and sin and especially (for me) our pride here on planet earth.
Jesus said He was coming back “soon” over 2000 years ago. :/ So my point is this brief time here seems like forever to us, but it is but a blink to God… and maybe us once we are home. I hate/love that, depending on what I’m feeling on that particular day. And I’m sure you can relate.
There are times I argue with God over the disability He’s allowed for me in this life. I don’t get it. Doesn’t seem fair. But sometimes, I see it as a blessing, a thorn that keeps me close to Him – and then I wouldn’t trade it for anything – because He is everything, and He’s always more.
Praying for you, beloved. I’m sure none of us can relate exactly to the pain you endure, but remember, He is good, all the time. I remember the story in the Bible about the man who was born blind and people asked Jesus who had sinned – and He basically replied that it was for the work of God to be seen in Him. You are uniquely gifted to bring glory to God and serve Him because of how He made you – and He’s always about His business, and He loves your company. I know I wouldn’t have chosen much of what He’s chosen for me, but there comes a time where you can look back and see what He’s done as a result. The tough part is trusting Him in the moving forward.
I am praying for you today, Elizabeth. And Lynne is right – you ARE beautiful. 🙂 Keep in touch – I can’t wait to hear what He reveals to you in time. 🙂
Love to you!
My heart and mind are flooding with thoughts for you dear Elizabeth, and now even including your name which in Hebrew is Elisheva, God of seven oaths or God of dwelling, meaning His promises are eternal and He desires to dwell with us, to sit with us, to live with us…Also, that He is fully satisfied!! I do not know your disfigurement and yet, somehow though many have called me pretty and even beautiful, my perception of myself is not always that way. It becomes skewed by parts of myself that I do not like… my pride and vanity can be so ugly. Yet in HIS LOVE, he bids me to see me through HIS eyes, with HIs perspective, in HIS POURED OUT LOVE and DELIGHT!
But back to you and your pain; this dilemma you are dealing with goes to the deepest questions of why does God cause or allow evil on this planet to begin with. Why was Hiltler allowed, why is Isis here, why are tornadoes allowed to wreak havoc, and why oh why, is there cancer? I will not answer, though for me, that we live in a war torn planet helps me philosophically get my head/heart around this issue just a bit, but the important solid rock part that fully helps me, is to know Jesus’ PURPOSE: Isaiah 61: I will say that Jesus came to preach the GOSPEL to the POOR, to set the captives free and to heal the broken-hearted! To Give His Beauty for Ashes!!!
What i do understand is that His Love is more Powerful than I ever realized; that my perspective is often so skewed that I don’t even know what TRUTH, LOVE, and LIGHT are, outside of HIS sacrifice and His WORD. So my prayer is that you know that we are His daughters, living in a war torn planet, and our ONLY SAFE Place is in HIM. You dear Elizabeth, are His LOVE!! Beauty (as seen on this planet…) fades, it never lasts!!-check out Proverbs 31:30. Yet heart-ache offered to God, yields humility and hope, strength and faith, joy and freedom!! May He show you HIS Perspective; may you grasp His view!! As the song says and the Word is so clear on, HIS LOVE NEVER FAils! May God’s dear Spirit make this Clear to you and to me throughout our lives!!
Elizabeth,
I’m not trying to minimize your pain at all, but I am curious. Have you ever considered that what you believe is disfigurement is something God considers beautiful? Who even decides what beautiful is? You are special to Him. He didn’t make a mistake with you. What if you chose to believe what He says about you? If you focus on your outward appearance, what blessing are you missing out on? Do you want people to see your beautiful face or your beautiful heart?
I have an “ugly” past, but I’m grateful for it, because the pain of that past is what led me to Christ. I can now walk “upright”. I choose to believe that I am who He says I am. I am a new creation in Him.
I pray that you will reach out and touch the hem of his garment and be made whole. (Matthew 9:20-22)
Love in Christ,
Sandi
—Wow, the amount of questions requiring deep reflection this time is just overwhelming, no way to answer all these here —but they are all excellent, wonderful questions! —A month’s worth of good homework!!!
So, in the main, it always comes down to fears vs. abundant living. —I have fears I know that keep me from abundant living in various areas of my life. . . . I am trying to go deeper with God and get greater victories over these fears with this attitude: Abandonment, —just total, reckless complete abandonment to God. It is so, so hard but my goal is just abandoning my whole existence, giving it all up to God. Total abandonment to Him —Every minute of my life, as well as the whole course of my life. Everything that happens. —All my concerns go into the hands of God. I forget myself, and think only of Him. Everything has come to me by His will and by His permission anyway. I utterly believe that everything that is happening to me is from God and is exactly what I need. Boy do I question that at times though but that is what I am aiming for. . .Abandonment.
Fear is no respecter of persons. It gets called different things: codependency by adults, peer pressure with teens, shyness with children, but whatever it is called, it all betrays the same idolatrous heart. I fear people because they can expose and humiliate me. I fear people because they can reject, ridicule, or despise me. I fear people because they can attack, oppress, and threaten me. These reasons have one thing in common: they see people as more powerful and significant than my Lord God, and, out of the fear that that creates in me, I stupidly (I know better!) give other people the power and right to tell me what to feel, think, and do. When I do that robs me of all that is good and holy. I have to stop holding others in awe, being controlled and mastered by people, worshiping other people (—really, really sad), putting my trust in people, or needing people. When I am more concerned about looking stupid (a fear of people) than I am about acting sinfully (a fear of God), I have really crossed the line. I always repent of that ASAP but it gives me such sadness.
Jesus did not die to increase our self-esteem. Rather, Jesus died to bring glory to the Father by redeeming people from the curse of sin. Anything that erodes the fear of God will intensify the fear of other women and men. The massive interest in self-esteem and self-worth you see in what is really “Christian” atheism exists today because many “churches” are not trying to help us with the real problem. The problem is that we really are NOT okay. There is no reason why we should feel great about ourselves. We truly are deficient. The meager props of the self-esteem teachings eventually collapse as people realize that their problem is much deeper. The problem is our sinfulness before God. The gospel is only available to people who know they are unclean. To look to Christ to meet our perceived psychological needs is to Christianize our stinking covetousness and lusts. We are asking God to give us what we want, so we can feel better about ourselves or so we can have more happiness, NOT holiness, in our lives. When you are in the grips of low self-esteem, it’s painful, and it certainly doesn’t feel like pride. I believe that this is the dark, quieter side of pride — thwarted pride! Fear of other women is always part of a triad that includes unbelief and disobedience. When God and spirituality are reduced to our standards or our feelings, God will never be to us the awesome Holy One of Israel. With God reduced in our eyes, a fear of people will thrive.
Elizabeth,
You commented: I just cannot reconcile that if God formed me in the womb, then he chose to disfigure me… I see lots of very helpful comments from others but to me it is not reconcilable, not with our sinful, small human logic, —not this side of eternity. I am sure you know all the “answers” (—because man chose sin over God; —because the Lord moves in mysterious ways; —because we need to build more faith; —because Satan has done this; —because the Lord tests us. . . et.al.), and yet none satisfy, do they? Birth defects in children and animals are just horrific. There is no good answer that I see and I have heard, I think, every last answer, especially from scholars who have spent careers researching those issues. With people who suffer (People in terrible conditions that I visit in nursing homes), I just go, try to comfort them, help in ANY way I can and I just go to be there. There are no real answers this side of eternity. I don’t give them “answers” on that. I do what Job’s friends did when they FIRST came and saw Job. They were so blown away they didn’t give him “answers,” they didn’t say God is testing you, there is greater purpose here. They came, they saw, they sat and they wept and wept and kept silent. If there is an answer, I’m pretty sure it may not come in this lifetime. All I can say is that I wish you really knew how deeply I understand and that I still somehow, —somehow, Elizabeth, that I cannot even explain because it is NOT logical at all and the position is NOT defensible, but somehow, I still have faith that God knows why. In fact, when everything comes apart (when I have to pull out all the stops and I am backed right up to the very existence) these are the only words to God I have: you know why Lord, —You know! . . . .God knows why He takes us along these paths. We do not because it just looks so, so wrong. Keep seeking God and let Him get better at getting to you than your questions. If you knew my background, you would know how hard it is for me and these types of questions too. It all comes down to faith. It is always and everywhere the faith moment. . . . .He loves you, you have the greatest value. He gave His life for all you’re worth (see Matthew 10:31). Please take care of yourself. Think on the things that will bring you peace: Proverbs 23:7, 1 Peter 1:13, Philippians 4:8, 2 Corinthians 10:5. . . . .Never forget, for all of us, our value comes in simply the fact that we are alive, period. Life is a gift only God could ever give (See Jeremiah 1:5, Acts 17:25). You are valuable and special simply because you are here, period. I am seriously praying for you! . . . . —And, Adonai (Lord God), you are an endless mystery (Genesis 15:2, Matthew 5:6, Hebrews 12:29, Psalms 40:2). . . . . Men say they can’t figure women out. Are you kidding me? Just how lazy are you??? Women are a cake walk! Try, —just you try, figuring a little bit of God out!!! (—“Unchanging” consuming fire inside an endless mystery!) God is so subtle, so undetectable, so unfalsifiable, so intangible it is enough to disable all our reality checks. Divine hiddenness, —only God can understand it. Lord God let your majesty be magnified in me, You endless mystery!
Beautiful. 🙂
Wise words, well spoken.
So glad you are here!
Love to you!
Nina