2 Wise Women We Want to Be When We Grow Up…
There’s probably a ton more than 2 wise women we should attempt to be like.
I don’t know about you, but I have some wise women friends that just blow my mind with how mature they are.
One of my friends is going through a hard time right now. Her husband did something awful. I’m not going to say what he did here, but try to imagine the most horrible thing your husband could do – and then imagine it happening to you and maybe you could understand how hurt she is.
The word, “devastated,” doesn’t even begin to touch the feelings she’s carrying around with her now, shredded-heart style.
So she’s struggling through this whole thing, and I’m praying with her one night and she says something that completely rocks my world. Prior to praying, she had confessed how she’d hurt him with her words. So we’re praying, and she completely blows me away by saying something like this:
Father, forgive me for being harsh with my husband. Lord, will I demand repentance from him, but not seek it myself for my own sin against him?
I thought that was amazing. Because here she is, drowning in unimaginable grief, yet able to see she is not without sin. Able to see she also has an opportunity. I love that about her. She knows her pain does not justify her behavior.
I’ve dealt with so many women (and am this way myself too many times!) that cannot see God past their own pain. Might I suggest that real spiritual maturity shows up in moments like that? Like do we claim revenge, repay evil for evil, or do we live out 1 Peter 3:8-14 (ESV), which reads,
8 Finally, all of you, have unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart, and a humble mind.
9 Do not repay evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary, bless, for to this you were called, that you may obtain a blessing.
10 For "Whoever desires to love life and see good days, let him keep his tongue from evil and his lips from speaking deceit;
11 let him turn away from evil and do good; let him seek peace and pursue it.
12 For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous, and his ears are open to their prayer. But the face of the Lord is against those who do evil."
13 Now who is there to harm you if you are zealous for what is good?
14 But even if you should suffer for righteousness' sake, you will be blessed.
So the first woman we should want to be like is her: a woman who can see past her own pain to her sin and her God.
The other wise woman I encountered recently was trying to influence a friend of hers who bristled at the whole concept of “respect,” hackles-up style.
Instead of jamming her theology and verses down her friend’s throat, she did what I’ve seen work well with teens, men, and defensive people of either gender – she brought in an idea exactly where her friend was at (she was a bit competitive), and ended up influencing her, respectfully.
Here’s the gist of what she did:
I purposed a two week challenge to her. The challenge was “simple” I told her. See which one of us can get our husbands to notice a change in us and take us out to dinner on a date because of the kindness we have shown. Well she took the bait – hook, line, and sinker! So for the next two weeks my friend worked hard at being nice and doing a few extra small things for her husband.
We had them over during this time as well and I have to say it was great to see her reel her tongue in a few times when she would have normally corrected or interrupted the conversation. It was even better to see her husband smile genuinely. Well, two weeks past, she was successful at the challenge and she got her dinner date, but more than that…she’s still trying to out do her husband now in the acts of kindness to each other. We’ve since talked about that being “respect” and she is ok with that word now!
The second woman we should want to be like is her: a woman who can meet people where they are and influence them with respect.
So what are your thoughts on these two things today? What else have you seen from wise women lately? Don’t you just love girlfriends thank-you-Jesus style?
Can’t wait to hear from you!
Love to you,
Oh, and if you got this as an email forward from a caring friend, please know we’d love to have YOU choose to be in our community. You can get marriage TIPS! articles and a free copy of my eBook, 101 Ways to Respect Your Husband, and blog updates here. We promise not to share your email with anyone, ever. You’ll get just one TIPS! article a week, plus a blog post or two here and there.
I can’t get pass day three of The Respect dare. I pray God would give me the Grace
and desire to stay married to a narcissist, mistrustful of everyone, selfish and emotionally disconected husband. I m not less of a sinner than him for i just hold on to the resentment on my heart and come “unglued” every so often. My tone of voice is an issue. He says i’m hateful. Demands me to help with bills plus buying groceries with the little money i make with a min hourly wage of 7.50 an hour. One of the phisically hardest works i’ve ever done. I feel like the psalmist.
“Oh, that i would have wings to fly…..”
Thank you for this much needed message. I recently have been experience grace from the Lord while acting on these ideas.
The first one I’m going through now…Thank you for the kindness in helping with this one. I keep beating myself up for the ugly I did to my husband before the traumatic experience. I just love him now and talk to Jesus about him everyday. Its funny because I now like my husband before not so much. I can’t control him and that’s been an issue to. Thanks again. Blessings!
Love this. 🙂
I really loved this. Thank you.
So helpful, thank you. -Even if theoretically, as distinguished from applied, we truly have done nothing we need to repent of, the Lord knows we need to be pruned and humbled before we do get around to doing something wrong. Sometimes, the shredded-heart is just to build our character and keep us, as you would say, “clinging.” We each have enough sin to level ten city blocks and yet we do not see that sin because we aren’t close enough to God. We are simply comparing ourselves to each other. On one of your posts (a long time ago), you said your heart was “as black as coal.” I thought: Come on, Nina, your heart is not that bad. Then, I realized I thought that way because I am so immersed in sin (attitudes, motivations, etc.) myself that, like a fish, I don’t even know I am soaking wet. This position actually elevates us because it elevates Christ to His rightful position making us terrifyingly powerful as God can actually use us when we are that broken and that humble. I fear hardship and the evil of men. I am very afraid of it and thankfully have not experienced all that much of it. But, I can easily see that an easy life will not lead to conformity to Christ. How can I learn unconditional love with a man that meets most of my conditions? (I am not talking about abuse. See sections § 368(a)(1)(A) through § 369(a)(2)(E) for disclaimers.) God gave the Pharisees exactly what they wanted, an easy life and the praise of men and then they went straight to the fires of hell (see ALL four gospels). How can you learn mercy and pity if married to a person who rarely fails you?
Comments are closed.