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/ Biblical Womanhood

Three Important Times to NOT Speak…

“I need a week,” I told him. “I want to talk about this well, and right now, I just can’t.” One of my teens needed to discuss something super important…life-changing-style important…but I’d lost so much sleep and been emotionally keyed up for so long, I knew I wouldn’t do it well.

Knew I’d dishonor God more than I already had with this kid.

Knew I’d say things I would regret later.

Things that couldn’t be taken back.

Things that would make a lasting impact, no matter how sorry you were.

So I chose to keep my mouth shut until I’d had some sleep.

My pastor says that 8 hours of sleep on a consistent basis is next to Godliness.

I believe him.

And I don’t think it’s just a saying of his, I think it’s rooted in a ton of real life experiences.

We get tired and we lose self control.

We get tired and we get selfish.

Several days later, something happened that set off an emotional chain reaction for me. I felt my heart racing, caught my breath, and chose in that moment to not say a single word. Anger, rooted in fear, threatened to bubble out of my mouth onto someone I claim to love. So I chose, once again, not to say anything until I had my emotions under control.

I was later able to say, “I was hurt that xyz occurred,” and talk through the issue, instead of verbally vomiting all over someone.

And about 20 times a day, I realize I’m not really listening, but rather thinking of what someone else needs to know. Some tidbit of wisdom they seem to be lacking, and I, of course, can readily provide it. More and more, God is silencing me, helping me listen well, build the relationship, so that when they are interested in advice, they’ll feel comfortable coming to me.  I think He and I will be forever working on this one. We’ve been at it for over two decades already.

Because people are only interested in advice

when they are interested in advice.

Advice given to others who don’t want it is a complete waste of time and effort.

People are only interested in

At any rate, there are times when we need to keep our mouth shut:

  1. When we’re lacking sleep
  2. When we don’t have emotional control
  3. When we’re tempted to give advice instead of listening

That last one is a “Excuse me, your pride is showing.”

I would rather it be, “Excuse me, your Jesus is showing.”

Dear God, please make it so.

James 1:19

Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters:

You must all be quick to listen,

slow to speak,

and slow to get angry.

I appreciate your patience with me as I start getting back in the saddle of ministry things…and can’t wait to talk with you today. 🙂

What about you? When else do you think it is wise to just not say a single thing?

And I’m just so thankful we’re on this journey together! Can’t wait to hear from you on this today…and if you aren’t signed up for the TIPS! articles over in the sidebar, know we’d love to send you the free info. 🙂

Love to you,

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25 Commments

  1. From another post, but I think it applies here: “How do you handle a husband who says he believes but gets very angry when confronted with the Word and his sin.”
    I have dealt with those questions too. Some important things I learned the hard way are that:
    First a proud man is a scoffer (proverbs 21:24).
    Second scoffers sow strife (Proverbs 28:25).
    Third we are not to correct a scoffer lest he hate us (Prov 9:7-8), for a scoffer does not love one who corrects him, nor will he go to the wise (Proverbs 15:12).
    This is why many refuse counseling,
    and why some even know the Bible but fail to get wisdom(Proverbs 14:6).
    My problem was I would try to apply Matthew 18 and” go to him” as a “brother” in Christ, but it backfired because I was correcting a proud scoffer who only ended up hating me.
    Hope this helps! It really cleared up much confusion for me.

  2. I thank God for you and the life changing words of truth and wisdom you bring to us! I have always been challenged by the scripture “Be quick to listen and slow to speak”. It is very helpful to have a list of specific situations to be aware of as pitfalls in this regard. I have found another time when it is better not to speak. Sometimes there is awkward silence in a conversation and you really don’t know what to say. Perhaps my friend just told you something shocking that just happened. It’s easy to throw a cliche scripture or answer at them. But if I remain silent when I don’t know what to say, they can gather their thoughts and continue sorting them out through talking with me. They are comforted by being listened to, by being understood.

    1. I love this!!! You are so very right, Laurie! Your thoughts reminded me of my daughter when she was four…she insisted on being taken to a friend of hers house when her kitten died. I asked her what she planned to do and why it was so important that she go, and she said she needed “to help her cry.” Such a sweet response from such a young one, but I think she got it right. 🙂

      So glad you are here, gorgeous!

      Love to you!

  3. I’m with you on the lifelong struggle to manage my tongue. Born talker and it’s hard to keep my mouth shut. But I have it has helped to daily pray that God will bridle my tongue, tame it. This is something no man can do according to James, but God can.

    To your list, I would add: “Say nothing when you don’t know what to say.” Very often, I feel compelled to respond even though I don’t have the right words. The silence hangs there awkwardly, but sometimes no words are best.

  4. Praise God you are back! I lost faith that you would be back at one point. I’m so sorry. What are some practical ways we can be more humble before the Lord?

    1. 🙂 Rebecca – 🙂 I’ll do this as long as God wants me to – and I will let you all know if I’m leaving. 🙂 I kept thinking I’d be able to write, daily-style, even, but alas, it was a LONG time before that actually happened, wasn’t it? SO SORRY for the absence! 🙂

      And your question is worth a post. Talking about this Monday! 🙂
      Love to you!

      1. Oh, thank you much, Nina. I look forward to it. Your impact is more than you know. I want more of Him, less of me coming through my life. I would think humility the way to make that happen, but how? Embrace a sense of being nothing to make way for God to be all? How to do that without being a throw-rug? Servant to all or just throw-rug to all? I often think I have no lack, when maybe I’m just destitute. Too self-focused to be God-focused but if attitude lies in my unconscious, how can I know? Pride-death? Self-death?

        1. Okay, so obviously I didn’t quite make it on Monday. He had something else in mind. 😉 so I am still praying, and will put it up when He gives me what to say. 🙂

          Love to you!

  7. So well said. Something I continue to learn, faiil and learn again. Think I will be learning this until the end of my days 🙂

    2. Arlene –
      I know, right? Can I please just learn something ONE TIME THE FIRST TIME??? UGH. Sorry, it’s just the same lesson, over and over. “Learn to Love” is the theme, it seems, isn’t it? That about covers it all – love God love others the end. 🙂 SO glad you are here. I’ll get up next time if you do. 🙂
      Love to you, baby!

  8. Life can be difficult. I am having a hard time adjusting lately. I used to have my “God time” in the morning, and now my husband is getting up early in the morning. (He never used to.) I got angry once or twice – yes I did – and I realized that is very ungodly. So, now I am trying to “work with it” and do my study some other time. It’s not easy. Changes are always difficult, and managing these changes is hard.

    1. Well, I really did get my own answer, and it is all working out. I am getting my housework, laundry, etc. done earlier. GOD is still there, and I can read scripture anytime. I just see how much “in a box” I have gotten. Time to change lol

    2. Mariajj2555 – Am so sorry things are hard for you – and I get the whole, “hub’s up” thing. It isn’t easy, we’re just such creatures of habit – but hang in there, you’ll get your new groove figured out with His help. 🙂 And flexibility is good to learn. Not easy either! 🙂
      Love and prayers to you!

  9. I think another good time to say nothing is when someone is giving you critical feedback. My tendency has been (I’m getting a little better, LOL) to reply immediately in defense of myself. Better to say nothing and let their words sink in. If it’s true, I can thank them for helping me see something I would want to improve. If it’s not true, I can get more information to find out why they think it is. Very easy in theory. Not so much in practice when you’ve had a lifetime of defending yourself. Thank you Lord for the many growth opportunities you’ve given me. 🙂

    1. Thank you Sandi! This is where I struggle the most and it’s caused many blowouts with my husband to escalate because I defensive and he sees my defensiveness as excuses. I see the situation differently then he does (go figure). I usually just feel so attacked by his comments that my reaction is to be defensive, but I agree with what you said above. I KNOW that if I could just keep my emotions in check and my mouth shut the situation would diffuse a lot quicker!

    2. Sandi! YES yes yes!! Critical feedback and defense. Seriously a good one! Thank you! 🙂
      And yes, it’s ALL easy in theory – and when He’s doing His thing in us, that’s good, too – but our flesh? Well I know you know. 🙂
      So glad you are here!
      Love to you!

  10. I agree wholeheartedly! Amen .. Thank you for this post. Last night I was tired and anger flowed in words spoken to my husband when I should have said exactly the words you said to your son. ” I want to talk about this but just can’t right now”. I will pray the Jesus teaches me (as a new wife) to speak these words more often when the 3 things you outlined are present.

    1. Stephanie – we’re all in need of more of Him – always. He’s always so very good – and we’re just not. 🙂 So yes, rest, and yes lean on Him always. 🙂
      Love to you!

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