Thank You…
I walked down the hall of the hospital, the green-grey walls and fluorescent lighting sucking the life out of me. Heading toward a restaurant aptly named, “Au Bon Pain” which is supposed to mean, “The Good Bread” or something in French, I saw her.
Crying Girl.
The fourth or fifth crying woman I’d seen wandering the halls of the hospital, this one stood out to me. Young, dressed somewhat trendy with a vest and knit cap, skinny jeans and boots, she simply stood and leaned against the wall.
She tried to stop crying. But she couldn’t, so I named her, like the others, Crying Girl.
My husband had open heart surgery the day before. He still lay in pain in the ICU when I managed to make my way downstairs. Nearly every time I left him to get something to eat, I would see a crying woman.
I prayed for them.
I was blessed. I felt this crazy God-styled peace surpassing all understanding from the many of you praying for us. He blessed me with that. I got an extra bonus, too. I ended up staying in the lounge two nights after his surgery. I thought about doing the hotel, but it seemed to mean something to him to be closer by. A text away. Anyway, the extra blessing was the complete lack of pain upon waking – I slept in these ridiculous benchy-seat things from hades for two nights, and my connective tissue disorder and the arthritis seemed to be tamed for not just those two nights, but the entirety of the hospital stay.
Vegetable soup and a croissant on the tray, carrying my small meal in search of a table, I saw her again. She was still crying. She sat alone. Silent tears rolled down her cheeks. I wondered if I should speak to her. I prayed, and when I decided to walk over and invade her space, I looked up and she was gone.
I wondered if I would end up like her, crying and wandering the halls of a hospital.
I didn’t have to wait long for the answer.
We received news of a complication from surgery the next day. The nurses didn’t seem at all concerned, but put in a consult request to ophthalmology. Ten hours later, he came by. I had enough time to do enough research on the condition to either become annoying or ask intelligent questions, I still don’t know which.
After examining my husband, he went out into the hall and contacted someone else. I eavesdropped and heard him. “I need you to verify <BigScarySoundingMedicalWord>” Several minutes later, another doctor came in and proceeded to do all the same tests the first guy did.
Then they went into the hall to talk.
I stood close by and listened. I couldn’t hear much, but what I did hear didn’t make me happy.
They came in and explained to my husband what had happened, and how it might get better, might get worse, and might stay the same, but there was no treatment. He’d lost his peripheral vision in one eye. They handed me a note with a list of what it was and what it was not, knowing I would do more research on it.
The next day, the blindness had taken a bigger swath of his eyesight, and he was left with tunnel vision.
And I reflected on what they said – it could get better, it could get worse, it could stay the same, and there was no treatment.
I had read enough on the internet to know this was all seemingly true, and I went for a walk. Halfway down the hall, my mind started to race, as I remembered what one of the medical journals said – this almost always occurs bilaterally, meaning both eyes are affected – and sometimes not both at first. My brain revved the engine and sped out of control for a few moments… I thought about what this might mean. I played out possible outcomes. And pretty soon, I was Crying Girl.
And I knew I was being unproductive, knew we needed prayer, but I needed to get control.
I couldn’t.
I walked the halls. Tears streamed down my face. Strangers looked at me. It was dinner time, but I wasn’t hungry. I had to call our kids, too. UGH.
Instead, I called one of my best friends. “I don’t need you to help me solve this, I need you to help me get calm, because I can’t. He needs encouragement, the kids need to know so they can pray, and I need to get a hold of myself! I am thinking about the wrong things!”
She began to pray.
I kept crying.
And then His Presence wrapped itself around me, once again, washing away fear, replacing it with peace.
So then for several weeks He did the next things through me, in His strength, and we are still figuring things out. I managed to drive my husband nearly 8 hours each direction to a specialist and back within about 24 hours a day after we got home from the hospital. Those of you who know me well know the drive itself alone was miraculous. I hate driving. At heart, I’m a small town girl from Montana. Dirt roads not freeways are my style. Cows create traffic jams. But I felt privileged to do this interstate trip – and since he was either sleeping or trying to distract himself from pain with Audible books on the trip, I spent the entire time talking with the Lord.
We had a ton of conversation about many things. I would not trade that time for anything.
I did not, however, take all my thoughts captive over the last month, and the enemy managed to drag me down into his pit. I’m still trying to wrap my brain around how to talk about it… perhaps more on that in another post.
For now, please just continue to pray for healing for my husband, Jim, that his heart and eye heals completely. When we prayed together this morning, we talked to the Lord about how cool it would be to give Him credit for healing him in this way… but nonetheless, His will, not ours be done. Please also pray rest for me. I’m exhausted. I seriously haven’t been this tired… um… ever.
And the ministry has slowed way down since I’ve been focused on my husband and kids and Christmas. I had a few surprises over the holiday that also caught me off guard. So prayers of protection, life balance, and financial helps for the ministry would be appreciated greatly.
Which brings me to this:
THANK YOU.
Thank you for the donations. We had a number of people give to the ministry from the ONE email I managed to squeak out before New Year’s. THANK YOU!! We also have a new option, if you want to donate monthly, even if it is just $10 a month (a sacrifice of just TWO Starbucks) you have no idea how much that would help us! Having consistent income and being able to predict things financially would also help us grow. Here’s the link if you are interested: www.GreaterImpact.org/donate
I’m also REALLY SO SORRY I fell off the face of the planet for over a month.
I know we have people waiting on the updated eCourse to start, and this week we are working on it. We’ll have info out soon – I’m SO SO SORRY! I feel like I let you down in my absence – if you have messaged me on Facebook, left comments on other posts and got crickets (no response) or contacted the ministry and didn’t get a response, please try again – and know that I’m just so sorry to disappoint.
I didn’t know what I didn’t know going into this. I thought it would be like our two boys’ thoracic surgeries, and in some ways it was… but I didn’t realize how different it is to have my husband on the table. I didn’t expect it. I also didn’t expect to drive to Iowa. I think I was awake for nearly 24 hours during that. I still haven’t recovered.
I’m humbled to be on this journey with you. I can’t wait to share with you the many things God has taught me through this difficult and growthful time! And… I’ve missed you. I can’t wait to visit with you again!
Love to you,
I’ve been Crying Girl and I’ve seen her, too many times. My heart to yours as you navigate this journey. <3 (from a fellow Montana girl!)
Oh Nina. I don’t know how to fix things to make your world, you husband better. I wish I did. But God is a God who can do more than we ask or imagine and I’m asking Him to heal your husband and his eyesight. I’m asking God, where I am standing before His mercy seat, to have mercy on you. That He would lift you up and seat you next to Him. Or on His lap. That He would take every scary thought captive and turn those thoughts into praise and promises of God to help you. I’m praying He will carry you and bring you through the deep waters. That you and you husband will stand as a testimony to your children that you trust God and love Him no matter what.
I’m praying now for sweet sleep for many nights. For you. And for a release from pain for you both. I’m praying…..
We so appreciate the prayers – we feel them! He is good, indeed. I don’t need things fixed, I just need to walk this leg of the journey well. 🙂 I know you know. 🙂
Thank you!
Love to you!!!
Nina, praying for you and your family! My husband was diagnosed with an aggressive Prostate Cancer in early September of 2014. He had a Prostatectomy in December and is now Cancer free! God gave us a miracle. This valley we went through was so beneficial. God came down to our level and carried us every step of the way. I don’t know how to describe it, He personally made Himself known in our situation. Our relationship with Him was strengthened and our relationship with each other is stronger. We needed to go through this valley.
And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them. Romans 8:28
God bless you Nina. And, God bless your husband and kids. God is good all the time.
Jennifer! Thank you. AND OH MY HEAVENS your husband. Praise God he’s cancer free! And best of all, the two of you are closer. Awesome. 🙂 Thank you so much for your prayers – any good you see is all Him. 🙂 I’m trying to stay out of the way! 🙂
Love to you!
I’ve missed you and wondered how things were going. I’m glad for the update so we can pray specifically! Just keep doing what God has uniquely given you to do….we’ll still be around when you get back! Lots of prayers and {{{HUGS}}} coming your way!
Karen. You made my day. It’s nice to be missed. 🙂
Love to you,
Nina
Thank you for your message! It is what I need to hear. Yes, I know that Au Bon Pain deli well when my mom was in the hospital. I was that crying girl you saw too. Praying for your strength thru this. Love.
Thank you, Corinna. 🙂 They should totally rename that restaurant. At least for the ones in hospitals. 🙂 Thank you for your prayers. And I’m sorry you had to suffer this with your mom.
Love to you,
~Nina
No disappointment here, just concern for all of you. Praying for God’s wisdom, strength, and perfect peace.
Thanks for the grace, gorgeous! 🙂 It is well received. 🙂 And we are so grateful for the prayers.
Love to you,
~Nina
Nina, you haven’t let any of us down. We have stood with you in prayer and been blessed through the testimonies you share when you get to post. Your first job is to care for Jim and keep trusting God for He will work it all out to His glory.
Much love and prayers.
Tracy
Tracy, thank you for the grace and for the prayers. I have felt both. 🙂
Love to you,
Nina
Nina…God is holding you right now…You and your precious family. Let us hold you up in prayer at this time of need in your life. Know that each time someone posts here, God is giving you a special hug…. I can’t wait to hear how God blesses you through this…
AWESOME! I love this. 🙂 He knows I need all the huggy things right now. 🙂
Love to you,
Nina
I have prayed for you in my regular prayer times, but I want you to know there have been times that the sudden thought came, “Pray for Nina,” and I would.
That’s God at work in his body-beautiful.
Baby, I have needed it. 🙂 You blessed me – and God did what He wanted to do. I was probably driving to Iowa. Or needing my brain to work to make a decision. 🙂
Love to you,
Nina
Prayers for you, Jim, the family, and This Ministry. Nina, you are a blessing to anyone you come in contact with. Your grace, love, amd compassion are evident in every writing.
Tiffanie, thank you – any good you see is our Jesus showing! I assure you I am quite the mess and would be a complete disaster without Him. I know you know. 🙂
Love to you,
Nina
Praying for you. Soak yourself in God’s truths. You are loved. Grace and peace and mercy to you. Thanks for all you do. No worries. God is still working behind the scenes, on your hubby, the ministry, everything.
Mary Lou, thank you so much for your prayers and kind words. 🙂 “Soak” is a lovely thought! 🙂 And you are right.
Love to you,
Nina
Praying for you and your family.
Thank you so much, Melanie! 🙂
Love to you!
Nina
Nina – thank you for being transparent and authentic. Nothing in the last month has caught our God off guard or by surprise. Us – ummm that’s a different story. A beautiful story that you share. My prayers are with you, Jim and the family. Continue to allow Him to use you for His glory. You are such an inspriation to others. I know that can seem like a “crazy statement” for me at least :). You are a vessel – and even in trials He is using you and your stories. Be blessed and continue to be a blessing in Jesus Name. I love you!
SHARISE. Gosh, I still miss you. 🙂
Thank you for the reminders and encouragement, and any good you see, any inspiration is all His doing. I assure you I am a complete mess on my own! 🙂
Love to you,
Nina
Just wanted you to know, I shared this with my husband as he was leaving for the day. He got very burdened and had us to pray before leaving. Hang in there Nina. I am sure many others are lifting this in prayer also.
(((hugs)))
WOW, Cindy. Thank you to you and your husband. 🙂 I’m hanging. 🙂 By fingernails, one-handed some days… 🙂 He is good all the time, however.
Love to you,
Nina
Praying strength for you today Nina <3