3 Tips to Finding Joy in Suffering
Sitting in the sanctuary with about 1000 people yesterday during “open mic,” I prayed, “If you want me to say something, Lord, You’ll need to calm my heart. I really don’t want to get up and do this.”
I seldom get nervous about speaking in public, but for some reason, He and I sometimes have the same conversation when it’s “open mic” at church, especially when I have an answer to the question they’re asking. My heart usually pounds, and then He calms it if He wants me to speak. I know a number of people have the same experience.
And of course yesterday was no different than the other times He’s had me walk up and speak.
When my heart’s racing suddenly disappeared, I filled it with the thought His direction, “Okay.”
There wasn’t even a flutter when I realized what I was supposed to say.
I did think, however, of a woman who berated me a few years ago, saying, “God doesn’t allow suffering. He’s kind and good. You’re completely wrong and you don’t know Him if you think He does.”
I wondered (okay, worried a bit) about the people who didn’t understand, didn’t know Him or the Bible, the newcomers to church, and what effect my words would have on them.
The question was, “What has God done that you are thankful for?” Honestly, even though there are a number of things I could have had serious complaint about (daily wondering if my husband’s heart will have the dreaded issue where he dies within minutes not being a minor one) I also have about a bazillion things I’m thankful for. I could have listed them, and I could have said any number of them, but He had ONE thing I was supposed to say.
So I said it.
I’m thankful for … (throat fills, tears well, Gosh am I going to lose it? style)
I’m thankful for the suffering of the last year.
Did I just say that out loud?
I explained a bit of it to them.
I hadn’t asked my husband for permission to talk in detail about his health so I spoke about it in general terms. I mentioned in my ministry team that seems unrelentingly assaulted. I proclaimed that God was good, that we were growing, and that I was thankful.
THEN my heart pounded. 🙂 Of course my thoughts were back on myself, wondering about people’s perceptions, concerned I would get email or messaged on Facebook about how wrong I was, how hurtful my comments were, how I didn’t know Him.
But I also sensed His pleasure, paid attention to that, and of course my heart calmed again. And I remembered Jeremiah – then I was thankful I wasn’t him. I remembered Hosea. I was doubly grateful I wasn’t him, too. Jeremiah was given a mission from God to speak His truths to the people, but there was a caveat – basically, God told him that no one would listen to him. That stinks. I couldn’t have done it. Hosea was given a mission to marry an adulterous woman – and keep taking her back. I don’t think I could have done that one, either. I was then thankful for the mission He’s given me – to help others have healthier relationships with God, themselves, and others… to help them make a greater impact in the things He has them doing.
My husband and I were talking about the differences between what I do now and what I did when I was working. I was a corporate trainer that did relationship coaching and pubic speaking coaching for companies. I did a ton of professional speaking. I got paid very nicely for it. I absolutely LOVED the work and the people – it was really rewarding to coach someone in the midst of a difficult moment, have them do what you suggest and SEE that they’re more effective. People were changed forever as a result of the classes. I told my husband, however, that ministry was different.
“It was rewarding to help someone have a better relationship with their coworkers and family members, to help them overcome their fear of public speaking, help them get better at it, but to help someone connect to God more deeply? There’s nothing like THAT. It’s a completely different experience, a completely different feeling, and it’s ten times more rewarding to just be part of what He’s doing, even to just watch it happen. It’s why I breathe.”
I don’t take any of the credit or responsibility for what He does in Daughters of Sarah or The Respect Dare. I can’t handle that level of accountability. 🙂 All the good that comes from what I do is 100% from Him – even if someone thinks I’m okay at facilitating the process, He’s still the one Who does it, if that makes sense.
But I am oh so thankful to watch, to be a small part of what He does between Himself and His people.
Sometimes that means being thankful for growth – which always comes through suffering.
2 Corinthians 4:16-18
“Therefore, we are not discouraged; rather, although our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this momentary light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to what is seen but to what is unseen; for what is seen is transitory, but what is unseen is eternal.”
There are 3 things I’ve learned about how to rejoice in suffering:
- At first, it’s a choice – a choice to trust Him, to know there’s something we don’t know, something we don’t see yet, even if that choice is made 100 times a day…
- We need to think the way He tells us to – Philippians 4:8 style.
- If we offer our sufferings as a sacrifice back to Him, for some reason, that helps.
1 Peter 2:20
For what credit is it if, when you sin and are beaten for it, you endure? But if when you do good and suffer for it you endure, this is a gracious thing in the sight of God.
Dare you today to be thankful for the “minutia moments,” maybe even listing a few of them in the comment section here. As for me, I’m thankful my husband and I had another day together yesterday. I’m thankful my kids all woke up this morning. I’m thankful my golden retriever follows me around the house. I’m thankful I have coffee. And I’m thankful for the pain I woke up with – it’s less than it was yesterday morning, because I got about 8 hours sleep last night.
And I’m thankful for your prayers, notes of encouragement, emails of hope, and beautiful comments here.
I’m really thankful you’re on the journey with me.
I added a little something for you, too. 🙂 One of my viral pages is 101 Ways to Respect Your Husband. I made it a pretty document – if you sign up for the TIPS! articles on the sidebar, you can get it delivered to your inbox. It’s also going up for sale on Kindle, but why pay for it when you can get it for nothing here? 🙂
It’s my gift to you, one of thankfulness for being with not just me,
but your sisters as we journey together.
You might also want to check out Debbie’s blog – she helps parents of tweens, teens, and twenty-somethings; or Leah’s blog if you are trying to survive life with little kids. 🙂
Love to you,
It wasn’t until I was able to surrender my daughter totally to God that I felt His presence. She was just hanging on when diagnosed with Leukemia. I had to get out of the way and let God take over her care. I hope this helps. Praying for your family
Nina, thanks so much for allowing God to use you in this way. I have learned so much by reading you’re dares n applying them in my life. My heart and prayers goes out to you in this struggle you are going through right now.
Thinking God does not allow suffering when you know Him is completely contrary to the scriptures. In fact, He promises it in this life, especially when you serve Him faithfully and effectively. However, He also promises rewards for it in the next one, the eternal one. It’s generally not the most comforting thing at the time because you’re suffering for doing things right, but it’s true. The ministry He has called you to and built through you is SO powerful; and the way you continue to use all the awful things thrown at you to point more people, new and different people back to Him is inspiring. I feel like there is nothing I can possibly say or do that will truly be comforting, so I will just say thank you for allowing God to use you to do such great things and I will continue praying for you and your family.
My marriage is extremely difficult because my husband is a survivor of being sexually abused at gunpoint when he was 14. We were “intimate” before marriage which was when we weren’t Christians. On the wedding night (as Christians), he rejected me. Nothing on the honeymoon either. We’ve only been together a handful of times. We just celebrated 11 years of marriage. I have been through the gamut of emotions. Anger is the big one that I’m overcoming now. God has told me to “embrace the pain”, “when you are weak, I am strong”, “show respect”, “respect and submit”, “I made him for you and you for him”, “be compassionate and understanding”, and “I love you.” After becoming a Christian I was inundated with teachings from the Word of Faith movement in other words, all I had to do was use positive confessions, quote scripture, rebuke the devil, and my husband would be healed! God has graciously led me to embrace ALL of His Word and understand that my unique situation in my marriage is for my good. I used to put sex way up on the list of “needs” and so my anger was fueled by what seemed to be my husband’s choice of fear and shame over love and I was paying the price. As I come into my right mind, I know the right thing to do is be there for my husband while he goes through his recovery (and praise God He gave me a husband who wants to get recovery! Sooooo many men and women refuse to admit there’s even a problem let alone devote themselves to the process of recovery.) In my own recovery, I’ve learned to not just feel the pain and go numb but instead to bring the pain to Jesus. As a result it’s like He takes it and gives me peace and even joy in it’s place. Part of being a new creation and finding my rest in Him alone! Is everything going as I’d hoped – no. I had to allow myself to grieve what I had hoped for in marriage and instead agree with God as He put me in the crucible to make me more like Jesus. Is there a light at the end of this tunnel? You bet! God’s already given me a vision of the son he’s going to give me! So, looking back, it’s been my selfishness all along that’s kept me from being there for my husband all these years. I’m an only child and was spoiled so you can imagine! I’m used to getting what I want. Woe is me. Time to grow up and join the big girls. Not to say my pain wasn’t/isn’t legitimate and not to say that I’ve not received God’s immense comfort – I HAVE! I now understand the difference of “knowing the Bible” vs. “knowing God and the sufferings of Christ.” I shall indeed know the glory when all is said and done! Everything is a choice, indeed! Thanks Nina for being obedient to God and for sharing the truth in love!
Suffering – It really is a choice as to how we go thru it. I know – beyond a shadow of a doubt – that it is during the times of suffering and struggle that I have grown the most. I don’t like the “stretching” that is being done in my life right now. I do know that God will use it for good. Thanks Nina for sharing your heart with us. You give us courage to be BRAVE!!!
It certainly is counter intuitive to be thankful for suffering. But I’m trying to be thankful in all things. I know He is faithful to use these trials that we suffer through for our best good! I have seen how He’s used past struggles to grow me and I will trust Him at His Word. Sometimes that means reading a lot of Psalms. 🙂
I hear you! I’m living in Psalms right now.
Love to you,
Nina
As someone who lives with chronic illness, I’ve heard those words many times: God doesn’t allow suffering. It’s so contrary to His word and His experience (Jesus ..and every disciple). Those are the words that can sting if we let them, but clinging fast and speaking His truth is a powerful weapon against the enemy. He will never leave us, or forsake us!
It isn’t normal to be thankful for suffering…until we see the growth, when we see we’ve changed for the better- to help others. Change takes pain, because we’re human and comfortable in our ruts. In comes the pain of change and then we rejoice in the freedom of leaving the rut.
I’m praying for you in this time of pain and fear and needing to trust God-no matter what.
meh….thankful for the suffering? ALL of it??? I’m on the journey, I can see some of the future sharing, but I’m not there yet. :/ just honesty.
However – I am thankful that I get to be part of Daughters in January because I’m really in need of “to help others have healthier relationships with God, themselves, and others… to help them make a greater impact in the things He has them doing.” Because my desire IS His impact in the things that He has me marinating in these days.
And I’m thankful for The Respect Dare that lead me HERE, where Father leads and Holy Spirit joins and Christ continues to redeem.
I love this. So honest and humble and transparent. I to am thankful for sufferings and I TOTALLY get it. Im thankful that we suffered over the last year and learned to rely on God and not ourselves. Im thankful that in that time we learned some hard lessons about stuff and identity in stuff vs identity in God. Im thankful that last Friday hubby said to me “It makes me feel like a good supporter of you when we get to the end of the week and there is still money in the bank.”. God gave me that moment to remind me it is all worth it. Im thankful that my two sons are having a hard time making a Christmas Wish list because “they have all they need.”.. Im thankful to God for using Nina to write DOS and TRD so that my marriage could be saved several years ago!