Got an angry husband?
You know that heart-pounding-freaking-out feeling that you hate? That moment where he’s suddenly upset and you are surprised and then your own flight or fight response kicks in?
One thing that might help is simply this: create safety for him.
Know why he looks angry? He’s DEFENSIVE. He’s wired to be on the lookout for threats – and he thinks you just became one.
And you can do something about it.
Sounds crazy, right? Might even fit in the “Why is it me that has to do all the work?” category… but you have to realize that YOU are hardwired to deal with this more easily than he is. More on why that is here.
So next time, try this: create safety by getting rid of his fear.
“I might be wrong, but are you concerned that I think you did something dumb here? I’m not. I realize you were doing what you thought was the right thing. I appreciate you even handling it in the first place. What I’m wondering is how we can make the best of the situation now, and that’s what I’d like to talk through.”
So in other words, get rid of the fear by dealing with what may be the trigger – by stating clearly what you are NOT doing, and then stating what you ARE.
Fear is generated by the assumption of heinous motive to cause harm. Create safety by getting rid of it. State what you are NOT doing, then state what you ARE.
Be RESPECTFUL. It changes everything.
Try that today – it will require not taking things so personally, too! 🙂 That can be hard, but know most of our assumptions are just as wrong as his are! 🙂 And the Spirit will seek out what’s good and noble and praiseworthy, just to name a few things.
On another note, we’re pretty excited about something. We’re launching Daughters of Sarah in January – would love to have you be on the team!
You can find out more here – there’s an application – and it could end up giving YOU the entire set of videos – for free! 🙂 Hope you’ll come over and play with us!
Love to you,