Is This Modest? Respect Dare 30…
Is This Modest? Respect Dare 30 is titled, “Too Much Skin.”
But…Why should it matter?
It’s oppressive to tell women what is considered modest, right? I mean, the next thing you know, we’ll all end up in burkas to protect our sinful brothers, right?
I find it interesting that in a culture still fighting for women’s rights, that these same women don’t understand how very different men and women actually are. The part of the brain that lights up when a man looks at a TOOL lights up when he sees a scantily clad woman. Is that the kind of attention you want for yourself or your daughter?
We seriously need to help too many people see the research that men and women ARE DIFFERENT. And it matters. God’s known this forever. He made us that way.
As for me, I’d prefer to be MORE than an object to a man.
I wrote this a few years back that caused a bunch of uproar one day. Someone linked to it and a few weeks later, it went viral. Not sure why, but I took a bunch of heat.
Get out of the kitchen, right? 🙂
Today, however, I want to open the dialogue about this issue with you. How do we best model this for our daughters – how do we keep them from being consumed by a culture that wants more of them – their hearts, their bodies, and their very souls.
When do we start, what specifically have you done? What do you SAY to your daughter, how do you SHOP with her, let’s get specific about what we’re doing in this war. How have you changed since we first started talking about it several years ago?
How are you dealing with it for yourself? Do you struggle with it at all?
I know I do – especially during swimsuit season.
And what do you think modesty really even IS? I know we could say this girl wishes she’d behaved more modestly.
When I see my beautiful girl below, I remember her being 8. And I’m shocked that she’s nearly 13 now. With that comes all the drama of middle school. I’m praying like crazy she weathers the days ahead well.
My one big thing is complimenting her character TONS more than I compliment her appearance. I hope it does something good.
You might also enjoy this article and video about Secret Keeper Girl.
It’s interesting that there is a connection between “dressing older” and sexual promiscuity.
Looking forward to hearing from you.
Love to you,
OH! And just as an FYI, our E-course for the fall with The Respect Dare usually fills up really fast. If you want a spot, better grab it. 🙂
Hope you are subscribed – I’m working on a little video about dealing with an angry husband for you.
Thought I’d have it up today, but alas, my computer outwitted me and I have to fix an issue with our security to get it to work. Thanks for the grace. 🙂
We also must be careful. Many times we shame our daughters into modesty. This happend to me. I was shamed about clothing, sexuality in general really… I grew up not understanding… I was simply told NO.
Even if you had a small bust, men will look. It is their nature to do so.. If you are covering the cleavage then dress sexy for your husband sometimes.
As a woman cursed with a large bust (and I don’t say that jokingly – I truly do see it as more of a curse than a blessing) – I have two choices: frumpy or dangerously close to the line. I literally have to buy clothes a size to large to avoid drawing attention to my chest and then everything hangs poorly on me. It frustrates my hubby because he feels I am trying to hide behind baggy clothes. I’m doing what I can to take off unneeded/unwanted/unhealthy pounds and I cannot convince him that my weight is NOT the reason I struggle with this. He wants me to dress attractively. But the attractive tops – even when the neckline is WELL above my cleavage – tend to draw men’s eyes to my chest. This is so frustrating!
UGH! I can’t imagine – but good for you for trying to work it out. God knows your heart, beloved.
Love to you,
~Nina
I fully believe in modesty, but struggle with actually being modest. Everything is tight, revealing, or emblazoned with “look at me, look at me!” Try finding jeans that fit snug (but not too snug) or without bling or stitching on the pockets that draw attention to your rear. But bathing suits – that is my forever struggle. There are modest bathing suit sites you can order from, but I can’t afford to spend upwards of 70 dollars or more on a suit. I currently wear a tankini with a skirt bottom, but it still plunges too low and the skirt rides up as soon as I get in the water and then sticks to me when I get out. This summer, I saw a mom at a pool with her two little ones and they provided the inspiration for next year’s shopping with my 9-year-old daughter. The toddlers were wearing t-top surfwear. Her boy wore board shorts and her girl wore a bathing suit bottom. Add a pair of water shorts and you’re more covered up than any bathing suit can offer! Next year, when I take my daughter shopping for suits, we’re heading straight for the surfwear! Modesty is important!
That sounds great! 🙂
Thanks for the idea!
Love to you,
~Nina
I have talked with not only my daughter (9)about modesty but my 3 boys (5, 7, 10). My two oldest kids had actually pointed out things in my wardrobe that were not modest. I have gotten rid of those things. Modesty is a hard issue among believers because everyone has a different idea of what is acceptable. We have used a modesty test (I believe from Secret Keeper Girl) that has helped us with shopping issues.
Excellent. We love the Secret Keeper Girl materials. Wise stuff indeed. 🙂
Love to you,
~Nina
Yesterday my daughter came home from a party and said she felt sorry for some of the girls there. She said they were wearing longish skirts with knee highs and tennis shoes but not the cute kind (like she wears) but the clunky kind that were wore out.
Honestly, I look at my 14 year old with the cute figure, long beautiful hair and long legs and I think about putting her in a long sack dress too. However, that isn’t the answer. So we talked. We talk about what I wear, I groan at the tight styles. We walk this out together and she has read For Young Women Only and heard the truth from the book better than she did from me.
Shopping is such a pain in the junior department, it takes serious perseverance to be stylish and modest. I remind my daughter that there are people who would think she is immodest. (shock)
I talk candidly to my daughter about my frustrations with fashion and other women dressing provocatively in front of my husband and sons. We point out styles that leave women/girls “over exposed”. We wont always agree and if I say “No!” she knows to keep shopping.
All that to say; we can’t have one or two modesty talks. We have to keep checking our heart, keep our brothers in mind and rejoice in beauty and walking in the world we live in.
Christian women, over exposure will not up your value. When us moms get it, we can help our daughters to get it. No one said this was going to be easy.
Blessings
I fully agree – it’s just an ongoing, ever-changing conversation, isn’t it? Good for you. 🙂
And it IS a heart issue.
Love to you,
~Nina