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/ Avoid Divorce

Will You Join Me?

5:45am.

She stood in the dark kitchen, penning a note to her husband.

I mis-spoke last night. I’m sorry I snapped at you and pitched a fit over the issue. Please forgive me for not speaking respectfully and losing self-control. I was wrong. I will try to not do it again. Let’s talk more about it tonight after work, okay?

She’d come a long way.

Instead of being defensive or accusatory, she was focused on her own behavior, doing what was right in God’s sight. She had not gone to bed angry, but instead she was prayerful about how to deal with the conflict.

She knew he was also wrong.  He had also lost his cool and spewed forth words of ill-will, but instead of focusing on that, she left it up to God and her husband to work out between themselves.

And rather than point fingers, rather than issue judgment or blame and cast more stones of sin herself, she chose to take the high road.

This is the road called, “Calvary.” It’s a road marked with perseverance, difficulties, suffering, and righteousness. It’s stained with the blood of the Savior and many tears of His followers. It’s a road where our very obedience begins to connect us to God – and then the peace He promises begins to fill us, and our identity is no longer wrapped up in another’s opinion, but rather in God’s opinion alone.

The first step, before being able to speak truth in a respectful way seems to begin to obey and listen to God – often resulting in a good deal of silence with our husbands. Don’t be tempted by the enemy to view this step as being a second class citizen or a doormat, but rather look at it as learning to listen to God.

We might sound crazy to you, but we believe God is always speaking – and we can learn to hear Him by obeying His Word (the bible) and by being open to what He’d have us do in the middle of the moments of any given day.

Yes, the Creator of the Universe wants a relationship with you, with us, and we’re either completely crazy, or we hear God.

And we want you to join us. God encourages us in Ephesians 5:33 to respect our husbands – unconditionally. Here’s why.

Our gal above gets this. She knows the Father. She started with her issues. And yes, she does learn how to respect herself, as well, but we don’t start there – that one often comes off as pride if we haven’t learned a bit of “laying it down,” first.

James 5:16 ESV

Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.

Matthew 5:23-24 ESV

So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 ESV

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

We dare you to take the Respect Dare journey.

We dare you to subscribe to this blog as we journey together, figuring out these things one step at a time, together.

We dare you to daily actively choose to not take things personally, to become okay with more conflict, to learn to handle it and do other hard things well, and to do so in community with other women.   

We dare you to focus on your own obedience first, getting to know what respect looks like, instead of focusing on controlling/changing the people around you. Double dog dare you to do this in community with us in the e-course, on Facebook, or in a small community of your own with a small group guide.

…and if you do, it can connect you with God like you’ve never been before.

I really hope you’ll join us. Triple dog dare you to do it even if you are scared! Bravery isn’t a lack of fear, but rather doing the thing you are afraid of doing.

Joshua 1:9 NIV

Have I not commanded you? Be bold and courageous, do not be discouraged, do not be afraid; for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.

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Perhaps NOW is just the time to change your marriage and how you feel about yourself?

What’s YOUR Respect Resolution for 2014? Dare you to commit by commenting below! 🙂 We’d love to hear from you – we’d also love for you to join us.  

Love to you,

~Nina

11 Commments

  1. I have read Love and Respect but have gotten away from it because hubby has a record and difficulty finding work and I’ve ended up being the breadwinner. With our roles switched and me the one to keep a budget and him not so much, it has been really hard to show respect and him not to feel like less of a man. He does graphic design from home but I’m tired of being in debt. I will try the respect dare before our next big talk about finances and hope it doesn’t turn into a nasty fight in front of our ten year old, which hubby seems to not mind. He refuses counseling while I go so I’m at a loss here. I do know God is in control and I’m thanking him for sending me to this website.

    1. So glad you are here, MaryLou!
      Know the Respect Dare isn’t about your marriage, really, but more about your relationship with God. I’m glad you are joining us in the journey. Your finances may never change, your circumstances may never change, but through knowing Him, you can have the mind and heart of Christ, and then you’ll find your perspective has changed, and the love you ache for will be found in Him.
      Love to you,
      ~Nina

      1. Thank you, Nina, for your timely and encouraging reply. May God continue to use you to help others as you’ve helped me. Thanks for serving Him in such a vital ministry. I’m excited now to see what the future holds for our marriage. It won’t be easy but at least there’s hope, as you say.

    1. Where there is breath, there is hope.

      And the hope is in Him. You may still end up separating, but God might use this differently than you think.

      Privileged to walk with you, lovely.

      Love to you,
      ~Nina

  3. I reallyneed the fellowship and accountability of other women on this respect journey. I justcant do it alone. Let’s go! Let’s do this!!

  5. My resolution: here we go again. I’m going to try harder this time than last and see better results than last time. I know if the devil didn’t think it was such an important thing for me to get right he wouldn’t be throwing so many arrows.

    1. Don’t worry about the results, Beloved, but rather concern yourself with our King and your heart. Focus on THAT – and join us as we work to live out His love through our lives. And yes, our enemy is formidable, but greater is He Who is in you than he who is against you. SO glad you are here!
      Love to you,
      ~Nina

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