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15 Ways to Show Disrespect to Your Husband…

Tears clouded my eyes as I lay in bed staring at the ceiling.

I wondered if this was all there was to marriage. To life.

Nearly a decade into the relationship, I felt lost. Bitter. Resentful.

What I didn’t know was the ache in my soul that I desperately sought to fill with the guy I married was misplaced.

I had a busted heart.  And I blamed my husband for breaking it.  But I was the one who had the misconstrued perceptions and the world’s inaccurate perception of how things were supposed to go…

What I didn’t know at the time was that I yearned for a relationship with the Creator, that He had wired me to seek Him. But I didn’t know that, and so I sought fulfillment from humans.

And was met with disappointment, discouragement, and feelings of emptiness and failure.

I’m well on the other side of that now, but at the time, it nearly destroyed our marriage.

I want this for you, too, and today, I’m challenging you wives, to obey God. Tell Him you want fulfillment. You want to be caught, to be wooed….ask Him to help you SEE how He’s already pursuing you…

Joy awaits…will you try?

Ephesians 5:33b says, “And the wife shall respect her husband.” And men, yes, the first part of that verse is addressed to you. It says to LOVE your wives.

For both genders, the relationship you seek comes into reality when you will allow Him to be your Lord (Romans 10:9) and you do what He asks of you. So Respect. So Love. And keep doing it until you get it. And stop worrying if you are doing it “right” – BOTH the secular AND the Christian cultures will prescribe “correct” things to do, roles to play, ways to behave… just get to know God and you’ll see He’ll create His vision for you if you’ll let Him. 🙂

I speak primarily  to wives, so ladies, here’s the list of “Don’ts” from yesterday’s Facebook list. I tossed this up on the community page for the Respect Dare:

Just 15 quick ways to show disrespect to your husband…

  • Ask questions that you really don’t want the answer to, but are just pointing out how stupid you think he is, like, “How could you possibly…??”
  • Roll eyes.
  • Interrupt.
  • Purse lips and scowl as he contributes his thoughts.
  • Argue without acknowledging his idea.
  • Don’t ask questions about what he thinks.
  • Start all questions with “Why did you…?” because that’s a “challenge” word for men.
  • With-hold compliments instead of looking for opportunities to build him up.
  • Leave him with a list of things to accomplish when you go somewhere – then criticize him for not getting all of it done.
  • Correct him when he’s interacting with the kids – especially if it’s his first time doing something. That will stop him from feeling like you think he is a good parent, so he’ll stop trying.
  • Criticize him instead of praising him first when you have something constructive to let him know.
  • Expect him to read your mind like your sisters, girlfriends, and mother can.
  • Say really helpful things like, “If you don’t know, I’m not going to tell you.”
  • Answer for him when he’s asked a question.
  • Don’t pursue him. And make sure you say, “Not tonight.”

I also received the following to add to the list that are “positives” to do from others on the page:

  1. If he shares a challenge or shortcoming, do not offer an unsolicited solution.
  2. If he makes a mistake, allow that experience to be the only teacher. No “I told you so.”
  3. If you want to see your husband excel, show him respect especially in front of others. It’s a way of recharging his batteries.

So ladies, here’s today’s dare…

It’s not for the faint of heart…

Dare you to print these, and give them to your husband with an envelope. Tell him you are trying to grow as a wife and mom, and in your relationship with God. Tell him you are looking for specific things to ask God to help you with and you need his help. Ask him to just put a check by each one you do frequently, put the list back in the envelope and place it back on your dresser. Promise him you won’t talk to him about it later at all, but that you need the info by tomorrow morning. If you don’t have enough guts to do it with him, dare you to give the list to one of your kids, preferably your oldest, and have her/him make the check marks and put the list on your dresser.

If no one does this for you, triple-dog-dare you to send the following email to whoever you asked:

Dear _____,

I noticed the list isn’t back yet. Can you let me know right now if I’m asking you to do something scary? I might be wrong about this, but I am wondering if you haven’t responded yet because you think I’m going to be angry if you do. I promise I won’t say anything to you about what you check off. I just want the information so I can pray about it.

Thanks,

Wifey/Mom

And then, keep your word. NOT EVEN ONE WORD about the list. Take it to God. Ask Him to reveal to you when you are doing these things. Ask Him to help you stop. This stuff is beyond self-control (I should know – been there, done that) and is the work of the Holy Spirit.

Dare ya…

Happy to be on the journey with you…

~Nina 



20 Commments

  1. I accepted the dare, and nervously gave the list to my hubby before leaving for a girl’s night out, thinking it would be a good time for him to really look it over and think about it. Just in presenting it to him, he was resistant, telling me that I’m a great wife. Nonetheless, I insisted that I was still trying to grow in this area. (I really am, even after 33 years of marriage.)
    I found the list on my desk this morning, but wasn’t at all sure that he would have looked at it. As I opened the envelope, I asked God to prepare my heart to receive whatever he’d marked for improvement. What a humbling, glorious gift…hubby had drawn a large X through the list and written, “You are a great wife, and I am truly blessed,” at the bottom. Tears of gratitude and humility followed. I am so far from the goals I have set for myself, but God has really transformed me in this area, and I trust that He will continue to change my heart to match His desires for me.
    Thank you, Nina, for the challenge, and the ongoing encouragement to be the wife that I am called to be.
    All praise to our Great & Glorious God!

    1. THRILLED for you, baby. And it is a gift – not so many wives are as blessed. Sounds like your husband also knows the Lord and is growing. GOOD FOR YOU BOTH!!! 🙂 Thank you so much for sharing this today gorgeous! 🙂 Even when it is hard, it pays to be brave. 🙂

      Love to you,
      ~Nina

  3. This is convicting! I wish I could have read all this good stuff before we separated. 🙁
    I do not blame myself but I know I did my part. I too have realized I need a stronger relationship with The Lord before I can have a healthy relationship with my husband.

    Please agree with me regarding restoration for my marriage and family. We have four boys. God has promised to restore but I have no clue when and the waiting is very hard. As I wait In seeking God and asking him to work in husband’s heart because he is also a believer. Thank you for your prayers and support. I welcome any advice, encouragement or comments during this difficult time.

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  5. In her David study, Beth Moore said (paraphrased), “My husband has made a very fine husband, but he has made a very poor God.” I think early in my marriage, I did expect my husband to be my God and meet every need for me! Thanks for writing this – hopefully we can all use it to improve our marriages!

    1. This is awesome. I’ve not done the David study so I haven’t read this. I couldn’t agree more. A mistake I made.

  6. Ah Nina this challenge, again, challenges me. Is it worth doing? Yes. Is it hard? Oh so very hard. Take what you get back, do the best you can, and build from there. Rest in faith that if you start the work God will bless it in ways you cannot even imagine.

    1. Shanyn –
      Why do you think I keep posting this one? 🙂 I need to hear it myself. 🙂 THAT LIST. My mouth, my eyes. Bleh. I find when I am busiest, or stressed, I lapse. So I did it for myself this morning – sorry to whack you in the midst! 🙂 Oh, wait… that would have been conviction… 🙂 JUST GLAD YOU ARE HERE, girl! 🙂
      Love you!

      1. keep on keeping on girlfriend – we always need to hear and see it – now we need to do it! Obedience to our awesome God involves action, not only word and tongue.

        Happy Friday!
        Tona

  7. I think a really important one was not listed and is one I have been guilty of but one I am striving to never do; ‘never never correct your husband in front of anyone unless it is truly a matter of life or death’.

    1. Lin this is something I consider each time I’m faced with that choice. Is it the right time or the wrong time, and how I say it is as important as the timing. Thanks for adding it to the list.

  8. I think this is kinda cool, although I would not mind getting some respect as well, can we use this list for them as well? It sounds like we are setting our selves up for some major criticism, which I would not mind for the sake of healing and growing in Christ but if only one person works on there issues it can make things a little heavy and one sided. I will break the list up in 3 or more sections at a time, I can only work on one or two things at a time and I know I need to work on a lot. I also prefer to give this to a female friend to hold me accountable, I dont feel good giving it to my husband because I would not get the respect, I would have unrealistic and strong expectations put on me and God already knows I am not perfect.

  11. I took the challenge, I got my list back this morning. Boy! have I been blowing it. I realize that God is the only one that can change me and my husband. I truly thought for a long time I haven’t been concerned with changing him and just trying to let him do his own thing which has greatly hurt me. Thus the old saying, hurting people, hurt people. Unfortunately, the list goes both ways. But I always get the blame for everything, it will be wonderful when others take responsiblity for their actions as I always seem to do but then it gets turned around on me. I’m unsure of a lot of things but one thing I am not unsure is God’s faithfulness to us when we need Him!

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