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/ Culture Stuff

Don’t Worry, Be Happy…Yeah, RIGHT.

Unfortunately, “Where’s MY happy ending?” is a question too women are asking these days.

And it starts really young.

I met with a 17 year old girl recently who told me she found the question, “What is love?” really confusing.

“Disney’s told me one thing, the church has told me another, and I have no idea what it’s all about,” she said.

And even the back of my book talks about “happily ever after.”

Excuse me, but “happily ever after” is a lie promulgated by a society drowning in selfishness. I remember a moment long ago when my own 17 year old self heard a speaker announce that the road to true happiness was down the path of service to others.

I thought he was ridiculous. I grew up in the “self-actualization” era, where the focus was on “having it my way,” being “all I could be,” and knowing that I could “bring home the bacon, fry it up in the pan and never ever let you forget you were a man,” because I was a WOMAN.

Oh brother. 

There IS tremendous joy and comfort that comes from knowing God, however.

People? We’re a mess.

And so when we watch these movie and music stars implode from the exercise of promotion of self, why are we surprised?

The bottom line?

There is no happy ending. At least not in marriage for most.

The real happy ending exists in heaven, which is the destination for this life.

Marriage is just another context through which we learn to resolve conflict and die to self. Our culture would have us believe it is everything, however, which it is not. I hear from gobs of women who confess to making marriage their idol.  They are really unhappy.

If you are blessed in marrying someone who is as committed to growing and giving and learning to love as you are, then you’ll probably have a nicer time of it.

If you are married to the average sinner, which most people (not just women, but men, too) you’ll have trouble.

No great information this morning, and I’m sure zero encouragement, so please forgive me. All I could muster today was a declaration of what is true for many: 1 Corinthians 7:28 But if you do get married, it is not a sin. And if a young woman gets married, it is not a sin. However, those who get married at this time will have troubles, and I am trying to spare you those problems.

Sometimes I wonder if the Shakers had it right.

Love to you,



6 Commments

  2. the encouragement is in the truth.we find encouragement in God’s Word not in pleasing self.Marriage is hard work but we grow through the work. I think we all live for self happiness too much and true joy comes from serving others you are right.

  3. I have been reading your blog for a while, but this is the first post I’ve commented on (I think!). Can’t help it though – it hits close to home. I can still remember my dad complaining about Disney movies and princesses! I never understood his problem with “true love.” I thought it sounded great. Fast forward 20 years, get married, have kids, watch relationships all around you crumble and love fade away. Oh, now I see what my dad was talking about! For a good part of my adult life, God was there, he just wasn’t really involved in my life. When people give up on God, they have to replace him with something else. Most people choose the thing that “separates man from the beasts” – relationships. Our capacity to relate to others seems to be the preferred replacement for God. Just take Christmas as an example. What does Hollywood tell us is “the reason for the season”? Family, love, being together… If we don’t believe there is anything after this life, or cherish it, we have to give this life meaning. Then we get imperfect people expecting fulfillment from imperfect people, then being disappointed they don’t have their “happy ending.” As every generation is indoctrinated more and more by individualism and being their own god, the chasm between Godly love and humanly love gets greater and greater. We need people like you, who can show us women what true love really is and how obtainable it really is!

  4. Thanks Nina: This is sooooo… refreshing and so needed. I think (Christians especially) have a view that marriage is to make their life easier. In fact, the exact opposite is true. It is where we learn to “die to self” and to “love one another”. Believe me, that is not easy. I think we need to educate young people about the REALITY of marriage, and give up all of the fantasies. Is is so good to see some honest, straigtforward information. And yes, heaven is the only place where there is no longer any pain, suffering, trials, etc. That is really our destination, and our goal. Good reminder!

  6. I am building my good result, my happy ending, one moment at a time. I have determined that marriage is not just about me. When I present my life, my challenges, my disappointments, my successes to my Lord Jesus, He somehow makes the disappointing, the mundane, an opportunity for ??? Joy!!!
    My sweetheart is an intriguing and challenging man. I can be depressed or I can chuckle at God’s sense of humor in bringing me to where I am. I choose the chuckle. I surrender. I give up my flawed ways and listen for that still small whisper in my ear telling me that I can offer this marriage, this day, that offense, that disappointment as a sacrifice. As I am resurrected by God’s love from the hurt and pain, He gives me the strength to go on not dragging my feet but running to whatever He has for me and at the bottom of His plan is the unexpected, the unimaginable joy.
    As always, don’t we always pray, “God give me patience, but please don’t give me anything to try it.”
    You do such a lovely job of representing Him. Don’t get bogged down in the everydayness.
    Hugs,
    Mary

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