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/ Avoid Divorce

A Man’s Broken Heart…

Last week, a guy who is “someone who is someone” in Christian ministry contacted me to encourage me to keep doing this blog thing.

As it turns out, he read this post about pornography, where a man shares the raw truth of addiction.

It deeply impacted him.

You see, this man I met with encounters a ton of leaders in ministry around the world, and many of these folks are treasured friends of his. And he shared with me the gut-wrenching truth, that over 30% of pastors are addicted to pornography.

He related a story of one leader, married for well over 30 years, who recently asked him to pray for deliverance from the bondage of this sin. Eyes wet, this man’s deep love and respect for his friend, and pain at his circumstances came pouring out to me.

My heart ached as I learned what happened.

Turns out, the pastor’s wife, on their honeymoon, revealed that when she was young, she was sexually molested, and she wanted nothing to do with “that.”

“That” was sex.

And she refused to pursue any type of healing. The man weeps for both of them.

His friend tried to stay pure for many years, in spite of his wife’s refusals, but he finally gave into the temptations, and now he’s addicted. His soul is rotting from the inside out, and he feels more discouraged than he ever has. He doesn’t know if he can continue leading in ministry. He feels worthless as a man, and my heart broke as I considered what it must be like for him, and for his wife.

I’m going to be super-honest here…I’m one of those gals who forgets that intimacy is actually something wonderful until things are moving along for about ten or fifteen minutes. I seriously never even think about it, unless it is on my calendar  (which I recommend, btw, if you can relate). So I didn’t “get it” right away.

I had to intentionally think of what it would be like to have a major need of my own unfulfilled for decades. Honestly, I had a hard time understanding the depth of this pain, because I am not a man. I do know how it feels to feel unloved, but even during those times, I know I can ask for affection and get it. I wondered what it would be like if that option wasn’t available to me. I think in doing so, I skimmed the surface of what it might be like for a man whose wife refused him. I do know enough men who have shared their pain with me to know that just because I don’t fully understand it, doesn’t mean it isn’t real.

I also know it is difficult for men to talk about these things. One confided to me recently, “I can’t talk about this without looking like I’m some sort of hideous creature. Women think we’re horrible and disgusting for being the way we are made…they don’t understand, and we can’t talk about it.”

I also know that God wired us oppositely – men feel connected AFTER intimacy (oxytocin, the bonding hormone, is released then) and women want to connect BEFORE intimacy (oxytocin can be released with eye contact for us – more on that here). So go figure.

I know his sin is still his sin – and she can’t take the blame or be held responsible for it, but I also wondered if a shut door sometimes creates an environment where another one opening is just a little easier… somewhat like if I were an alcoholic, and I’m at a party and everyone is drinking, it’s a little easier for me to lose my own resolve. I could have chosen not to go to the party, yes. But if that’s the environment I’m in, it certainly is harder. If I have no choice in where I have to live, if that is the only house available and the only people I could live with, I don’t know how long my resolve would be able to hold out.

I know a good 20-30% of us here have been raped or molested as little girls, teens, and/or young women.

I know from the many of you that I talk with at speaking events, online or via email, that our pain is real, hard, and can be the thing that becomes the filter through which everything is seen. Please know I do not mean in any way to diminish your pain. I know I’ve had my share of it.

I’ve also heard countless tails of the great victory God has woven through our lives when we will be just brave enough to take one step at a time, and then another, trusting Him.

In both The Respect Dare book, and Daughters of Sarah, we not only acknowledge the damage that abuse of this nature can have on a woman, but we cry with you, wrap our arms around you and pray for you. We understand. We know it is hard. But because we know God, we also gently encourage you to take one more step, one at a time, forward, into the healing process.

For those of you who have not suffered this way, today’s post still has a relevant point. Most of us women are “slow starters” as compared to men in the amorous department… that’s totally normal. Most of us also seldom, if ever, randomly think of intimacy during the average day.

Men are different.

Course you knew that already.

My point is, that after listening to several other tales of Christian males struggling with this, I couldn’t stop thinking about the pain these men must endure emotionally, relationally, when they are rejected this way. I felt led to take a moment and write about it.

Okay, I felt led to ask us all to “Step It Up A Notch.”

A man tried to explain this to me once, saying, “It’s like being a small child, really vulnerable, and you reach out for a hug, longing to feel like you are okay, and instead you get punched in the stomach and rejected.”

Another told me, “I desperately want to connect with my wife, but when she rejects me, I am left alone and confused, ashamed even, like I’m some sort of pervert.”

There’s so much pain behind those words. 

And I realized that while I spend a lot of time talking about women and the pain we endure in relationships, I also need to recognize that many men are also often suffering. And for some of us, we might be able to do something about it.

And they don’t let on… because they are men.

One time a friend’s son fell on a monkey bar in a certain physically vulnerable spot…he literally froze and tilted to the side, sliding off. As he slid, his mom stood up, alarmed, and he gasped, “I’m okay, I’m good,” and then he threw up from the pain.


I watched my own boys tough out the recovery period from major thoracic surgery.

The point I’m making today is this: We need to move forward in this area in our marriages, as women of strength and dignity. We need to acknowledge that one of the ways our husbands feel fulfilled is by physical intimacy – even instigation of it – with us. And if we are wounded in this area, we need to ask God to help us grow, and support our sisters in this way as they move forward.


I know that can be scary. But that’s where His Freedom is.

I know it is hard to choose intimacy when he’s behaving unloving. I know it is difficult to move forward in creating an environment where this is a part of your marriage when you’ve been deeply wounded. Know that the other guy wants to keep you a victim, keep you from finding the incredible victory and joy and fulfillment (and oh yeah, FUN) that’s possible for you in this area.

Also know I’m in deep relationship with several women who have not only overcome sexual abuse, but have been completely healed by Christ – so much so that they minister to others and have incredible, intimate physical relationships with their husbands.

So today’s dare is simple, but not easy for some… it is to choose to take a SINGLE STEP. Whatever that looks likes for you. Double dog dare you to comment on that, or anything else from today…

And one more thing…what I don’t understand is something else the man shared with me last week… he said that the church doesn’t talk about this. I admit I was clueless to that phenomenon. Is this true in your world? Why do you think this is, if it is?

Thankful to be learning along with you, and so blessed to be linking arms as we walk through the Bible together. Obviously Friday is a bit of an open topic day, so thanks for being okay with that. We’ll keep moving on Monday!

Love to you,

25 Commments

  1. Nina:

    If the man’s wife makes absolutely no attempt to get help so that she can have intimacy with her husband, and if she waited till the honeymoon to spring this news on her unsuspecting husband, then I put at least some of the blame on her.

    Yes, he is guilty if he sins; but she will be held accountable for this by God one day, if she refuses to change.

    If I were him, I’d probably live in the spare bedroom.

    I might even divorce her, or try to have the marriage annulled, just for my own sanity. Not sure if that would be a sin or not.

    Jim

    1. If the marriage was never consummated, is it really a marriage in God’s sight? The more I think about this, the more I believe that it is not. Especially since this is solely because of the wife’s refusal to allow consummation to occur.

  2. Everything I read here is such a blessing. I know that there are also men who have had their innocence stolen as well. Prayers for anyone who had to endure things like this! My heart breaks, but I know that God can heal. God bless you all!

  3. It’s funny, because even when things are going along wonderfully, it’s too easy to let sex fall off the schedule. We get busy, tired, burnt out, flat out exhausted – and while I wouldn’t dream of saying screw it, I’m not making the bed today, or passing up the bushel of tomatoes that leave me monitoring jars like a crazy lady at ten o’clock at night, it’s too easy to put the responsibility to initiate back on him rather than saying I’m taking on too much stuff. I don’t want to sit down and do something that I have put on my ‘relaxing’ list when I can think of a million projects that suck my generative energy so completely that there’s just nothing left to get my own fires burning. It’s too easy to take the look on his face after sharing that closeness as a perennial fruit that can be harvested at any time as a given, something that can wait even though when I stop and think I know I’m starving him out on a soul level. It’s totally not deliberate, and my anxiety levels go up because we start to feel ‘off’ and little squabbles crop up, we stop giving each other the benefit of the doubt, we stop making generosity our first place of contact and my confidence drops like a rock because when I put the responsibility to initiate solely on him, I also give away my power to feel desirable to him. If he doesn’t validate that with initiation, no matter how exhausted he is as well, I find myself feeling undesirable, which when I’m thinking straight is not logical and has nothing to do with him, but I find myself blaming him all the same. Well timed 🙂

  4. There is a good book called: “Every Heart Restored – A wifes’ Guide to Healing In the Wake of a Husbands Sexual Sin. It actually takes two people to make the changes. Generally, this becomes more difficult the longer the pornography (or whatever) has been going on. Sometimes, it was/is in the marriage all along and the wife doesn’t even know about it. I think much grace and compassion and prayer is required. Sometimes it is Gods’ means of bringing us into maturity. After all, the Lord always needs to be first and foremost. Our “maturity” usually comes through hardship and difficulty, and letting go of our desires. Marriage is a “committment” – for better, or worse etc. We need to remember this. Also, there will be no sex in heaven. So, perhaps it is not THAT important. (I don’t know if that thought helps or hurts – but perhaps it puts things in perspective.)

    1. Mariajj: I was on the same page with you, agreeing with everything you said… until the end. No sex in heaven? So it’s not THAT important now? Please allow me to make a couple of observations: obviously, I come from a man’s perspective. Nina said I was welcome, so…

      I like to think that the very first thing Adam ‘n Eve did when he woke up from his God-induced sleep was to Make Love. (My wife thinks they talked for an hour first) I like to let my mind imagine what it was like for him to wake up with her beside him. Was she asleep? Did she bring him breakfast in bed? (lol) She was the most amazingly beautiful creature he had ever laid eyes on. After all, “It is not good that MAN should be alone!” What an incredibly precious gift. And God looked down upon them and said: “Now THAT’s good!”

      Sometimes I think the church almost has the idea and teaches that the “Tree of the knowledge of good and evil” was sexuality. Adam and Eve could stay in the Garden as long as they did not indulge. Once they did, they could no longer stay in Paradise. I grew up in the church and became a teenager in the late 50’s ‘n early 60’s. Let me simply say that I was not taught about the wonderful gift that sexuality can be in marriage.

      Fortunately, there is a growing awareness and teaching in some churches today that sexuality is an amazing gift from God in marriage. (Nina is a prime example)

      Just one more thought… and by the way, I’m certainly not arguing with you, just bringing up what I believe are important points. …there is ONLY ONE (verrrry important) reason God gave Eve (and therefore all women after her) “THE SPOT!”

      1. Jim: I suppose I was just identifying with Gail. Sometimes, men really are not all that interested – for whatever reason. If that is the case in a persons marriage, then it is the case. I guess I am really saying that we need to bear with what we have in our marriage. I know sex is important. I am also aware of the limitations of it, and the various circumstances in each marriage. Hope that helps.

          1. What does [[;>} mean? I am not that much of a computer person, and actually am going to “give up blogging” because the Lord told me to. However, I would like to know what “that” means. Thx.

            1. Sorry, Mariajj, [[;>}
              is “me” smiling at you! It’s my version of 🙂 which is a smile face. I’m bald, so I added the “flat-top”.

              Also, please let me make an amends to you for my previous remark (about “the spot”). It’s bothered me ever since I hit ” Post comment” Upon reflection, I realize my insensitivity. I’m sorry if it was hurtful to you or other readers.

              1. jimdcat: I didn’t get it about “the spot” either, so no need to apologize. I just thought it was a complement, and left it at that. After all, we all need “a spot” in this life. I took it as: “a place to feel valued and loved.” So, it’s all good. No apology required – to me anyhow.

      2. I’ve thought a bit about the fall, and still wonder what exactly went through the mind of Ms Eve when all this went down. Actually I read a bit of her in Bad Girls of The Bible, and the way they wrote about her was a really refreshing perspective. Here is this amazing new creature who was brought to a heaven on earth to be cherished by her perfect mate. She was debuted into an existence that she was the crowning jewel of. She knew nothing BUT love, and he knew nothing BUT respect. There was nothing between them, they were one and seamless. Soulmates, perhaps even words were unnecessary with Gods perfect love as their shared language.

        Because Eve knew nothing but love, and knew nothing could come between her and her mate or her and her God it was completely outside of her understanding that anything she could do would be anything less than loved. To give gratefully and receive gracefully was natural. Like children playing catch.

        Deception was so far outside of nature that she couldn’t comprehend that anyone or anything would ever lead her to do wrong – let alone deliberately and maliciously.

        I tend to think the separation between man and woman was the knowledge that cast Adam and Eve out of paradise. We armored ourselves against it as best we could with what we had on hand. Nakedness of the soul was covered. We no longer saw each other with the clarity of God but as corruptible individuals led by our own sinful natures and we saw our own sinful nature and worked to hide them.

        Submission is both the source and the healing of this. We still have all those reflexive traits as women, because we are stuck in the conflict of questioning how can love be real if it is not unconditional, and how could anything we do make us inherently unworthy of love, we are stuck trying to work out original sin in every marital conflict. How can we be worthy of unconditional love when we act against God and our spouses and not see it until we’re neck deep in the mess? To fully submit to being loved is dangerous! It must be another trick.

        Because trust and submission is our nature until deception teaches us that we are corruptible and can be led to sin by those claiming to lead us to knowledge, all leadership bears the shadow of the hidden hook.

        Prove you are not leading me falsely.

        Maybe Eve didn’t even really ‘get’ what she did wrong.

        I now know I have the ability to choose who leads me, and I know that I cannot trust how something or someone makes me feel as criteria for right or wrong. What feels good and right can be a path to misery. What causes me pain is not necessarily bad for me. We’re at a stalemate with ourselves.

        Sexual intimacy gets lost in this; because it’s the closest we can come to each other, to knowing each other as we knew each other before the fall that it is a point of pain. The original betrayal of trust still lingers. The dread of responsibility and ruination is the lock on the door.

        On some level perhaps man still puts woman a bit away from himself because of this as well.

        Eve was a serious sticking point in my faith as that with our Feminized world to hold one gender accountable for the fall of mankind seemed rather unfair and downright anti-woman; but as I’ve explored my thoughts on the matter, it seems to come back again and again to ownership. To acknowledge that sin is our nature, but that it does not make us unworthy of being loved, regardless of gender and to seek God is to raise our love above deception and our individual sins.

        Your comment about breakfast made me smile. 🙂

  6. Well, you did it again, Nina! This time @ 2:30 in the morning. You sent my mind to spinning! Fortunately, my mind spins in safe(r) circles these days. (note to self – write a blog post about safe-spinning minds)

    Where to begin:? Maybe with; “Been there, Done that!?” Maybe with; “Addicted to ‘MORE’!?” Maybe with; “Forgiven – and Loved, by God! And my Wife!!”

    I’ve been there! Until I got into recovery, (Celebrate Recovery, 5 years this month) I knew pornography was an area of struggle for me. Addicted to it? Nah, not me. I just need to get better control over it. After all, look at all the good things I do for God! Then, 4 years ago, after a year in Celebrate Recovery, I made an amends to my wife of then 43 years for the affects pornography had brought into our relationship.

    You see, I had come to realize that there is not a woman in all of God’s creation that can measure up to the fantasy created in the mind of a man fueled by pornography and eroticism. I began to understand that much of the difficulty for us was because “she disappointed me” because “I wanted ‘more'”.

    Which brings me into the second spin of this morning circle. I sat in a recovery meeting a while ago, and the speaker started with: “Hi, I’m ‘Johnny’. And I’m addicted to ‘MORE'”. …BAM!! I got it!! I knew exactly what he meant! Whatever I have in my life, I want MORE! You name it, fill in the blank…. pornography, control, food, alcohol, intimacy, money, approval from others….

    Side note – the desire for approval from others led me to a place of secrecy and pretending to be “not me”. Then, when I did gain a measure of approval, my thought would be: “Yeah, but if you knew The Real Me, you wouldn’t even like me, much less admire me.”

    But I digress… back to the pain… this desire for “more” affected my life and my relationships in ways that brought me anger. My anger at the disappointment I saw in my wife drove her further away from me. It became a downward spiral that seemed out of my control. One solution seemed to be that I had to settle for less. So I tried. That worked – for a while. Then, I just wanted more – of something else. Another circle lower. Another day of disappointment. Another day of pain. Another day of rejection. Another day…

    AA calls it “a hole in your soul that the wind blows through”. I came to realize that the emptiness I was trying to fill with “more” was a need for a more intimate relationship with my creator. But He was probably disappointed in me, too. How could I EVER be good enough to please Him?

    In recent months, God has shown me how much He Loves me. He not only Loves me, He likes me. I am finding acceptance in Him. I am forgiven by Him. Jesus has become my best friend. As a result, I no longer have the overwhelming need for MORE. (most days, well, more, at least) I have become satisfied and grateful for what I have today. As I am grateful for what I have today, it becomes more than I thought it was. As I become grateful for my wife, she becomes more than I realized.

    Today, my mind spins in circles fueled by gratitude and blessings instead of “how can I get more of…”

    In a meeting a few weeks ago, I shared with a group of guys that: “The more The Lord changes ME, the better my wife gets.” I don’t understand that, but we’re enjoying it. We still have areas we’re working on. We still try to change each other into what and who we think we want each other to be. I still have times of anger. But we are more “one” than ever. More and more, we are gaining an ability to discuss areas of concern with each other with freedom.

    A couple of weeks ago, a man shared with me – “Jim, I haven’t had sex with my wife in three years. When I approach her, she gets angry.” My heart breaks for him. I’m thankful that I’ve become a man with whom others can find the freedom to share that kind of pain. It’s said that “God never wastes a hurt”. I’ve been there, I’ve felt a measure of his pain. I realize that just having someone with whom he can share that issue provides some comfort. My wife ‘n I know that God did not bring us out of our valley just so we can be happy and in love with each other. I am gaining a sensitivity to the suffering of others.

    Thank you, Nina, for being a voice in the darkness. Sometimes (usually?) churches have preached so much against the evils of addiction, that the blessings of life God intended for us get buried. Sex ‘n intimacy are God’s gift to marriage. I love the way you proclaim that fact!! Keep shouting it. I’ve learned a lot from you.

    1. Jim – Thank you for sharing all of this. What an amazing, God be Glorified, story! I loved this paragraph:

      “Side note – the desire for approval from others led me to a place of secrecy and pretending to be “not me”. Then, when I did gain a measure of approval, my thought would be: “Yeah, but if you knew The Real Me, you wouldn’t even like me, much less admire me.””

      Natalie Grant sings a song called The Real Me and it speaks to this same thing. Something that I think MOST people struggle with. Something I highly relate to … and I have no trauma/drama/abuse/addiction in my background.

      I just wanted to say thank you for sharing here and for being open in your own world so that other people can see Jesus in you. May your family be deeply blessed!

    2. Jim –
      Thank you so much for sharing your heart here. It was so impactful. I’m praising God for what He’s done in your life, and just blessed to have encountered you and your story today. Any good you see here is Him, and I know you know what I mean… He is so good, all the time.

      In His Great Love,
      ~Nina

  7. I have the opposite problem. Since my husband went on anti-depressants he has completely lost his sex drive. I am the one getting rejected now. What’s worse, is when I DO ask for it I can see the pain in his eyes that he is unable to comply. Yes, there are meds for that and we do use them, but he’s got to WANT to in order for them to work. And honestly, when he sighs and offers to “go take a pill” it hurts me and I lose the desire anyway. What woman wants to be a burden in that way to her man?

    Friends have suggested using “toys” instead. But is that really any different than men using porn? I see lots of discussion about men and porn and we all know how that can destroy a marriage but what about us women? There has always been a double standard in this area. Many people (not just men!) think homosexuality is wrong, but think two women in bed is hot. Visual porn is a big no-no but books like “50 Shades of Gray” are touted on national TV. Books like that are simply porn for women.

    I wonder, if we were really honest with ourselves, how many woman would admit that their fantasy life isn’t very God honoring either. Perhaps if we looked more closely at ourselves we would have more grace for our men and their issues. I know this is uncomfortable for many. It’s easy to tsk-tsk when we catch our man looking upon another women lustfully, but can you imagine what our men would think if they could see what can go on in our minds? Like Nina said, we women need our minds turned on first. How many have let our minds wander and consider what the pool boy would be like? How many flirt with the cute co-worker then go home and picture him while with our husbands?

    I didn’t mean to go completely off-topic. My original intention was to say that I can understand men a little more being stuck in what is typically a male situation of getting sexually rejected. But then it occurred to me that I am no better than the man who turns to porn. I guess I need someone to take me to task. My husband encourages me to take care of physical needs on my own so it never occurred to me that in doing so, I am allowing my thoughts to go places they shouldn’t. No different than men allowing their eyes to do the same thing. Nina -can you blog about this and help me out?

    1. Gail – I’m sorry for your struggles. My ex-husband lost interest in me after I had my 6th baby, it was probably the lowest I’ve ever gotten in my life. I readily admit that there was sin in my life because of it (and with his permission). God stepped in and I finally tuned my heart to hear Him – and He just kept saying “You are beautiful, you are Mine, I created you in My image, I love you”. And He won my heart fully.

      There are a couple of blogs that might interest you. I don’t subscribe to them but I’ve read several posts and take a look every few weeks because they have such great information about some of the very things you have mentioned here. One is Hot, Holy and Humorous and the other is To Love, Honor and Vacuum.

      thank you for sharing. ~katy

    2. Happy to pray through this one, Gail, and you are right… definitely issues for women here… and it is SO tough. And THANK YOU for being so brutally honest. Your brave words are encouraging to those of us who deal with this issue. Might I lovingly and gently suggest something? I don’t know if this will work for your husband, but the drug they finally gave me that worked for my depression that didn’t destroy my libido was Wellbutrin. GREAT STUFF. No weight gain, no lethargy, gobs of energy and drive. Just a thought. But in the mean time, yeah, praying for you and with you through this. I know how difficult this is for you right now.

      Love to you, gorgeous!
      ~Nina

  9. I found out 2 years ago after 8 years of marriage of my husband’s addiction to porn. It crushed me. I thought it was all my fault even though I had never once said no to his advances in all of our marriage.

    For the past two years it has been an excruciating process, and we are far from resolving this. But I have learned one thing that I would like to share. When we take our hearts honestly to God – even like – “God! Why are you allowing this in my life!” Or “God I’m so sick of this!” Or even “God restore my desire for my husband so I can meet his needs”. – He does!!!! But you have to get the other part away first and tell Him when you are angry at Him!! (He already knows you are!!!) Funny thing is, immediately after I cried out to God about a month ago and finally told Him I was angry that He allowed this in my life, I immediately began to praise Him and I couldn’t help it! It took me 2 years to get to this point! And it was the same week after this that my husband started experiencing breakthroughs in this area. (Like baby step breakthroughs-but hey! After 2 years-ill take it!!)

    I have wondered in the past month if I have actually been hindering his breakthrough with my stubbornness and ME not taking my full heart to The Lord.

    In times I have contemplated leaving, I just keep telling myself that this marriage is not about me. It’s about showing Christ to the world and God hates divorce. So in those moments I stay. I stay for God and no other reason ( well, our 4 kids also help in this decision too!). And I LOVE my husband! I want him to have victory over this!

    I encourage the men to seek support from your wives! Deep down we want nothing more than to be your cheerleader in this area and help you as we were designed to do!! Even though we may show it poorly through our wounded souls. There is NOTHING that wounds our souls more than this. But GOD is a god of HEALING! And I still hold tight to that promise! One day, and it may not be until I am kneeling at His feet in heaven, I won’t hurt because of this anymore! But even if the healing doesn’t come in this early life, I know He will look at me one day and say “well done my good and faithful servant!” Because I stayed. I endured. I LOVED my husband with the same unconditional love that Jesus shows me. And believe me this takes EFFORT!! it doesnt always come naturally. Its not always a feeling – it’s a CHOICE I make! And I am no saint! I struggle with loving my husband through this because I’m so deeply hurt.

    I fight daily with satan with my self esteem now. I appreciate your prayers. And Nina! Don’t stop this blog!!! Our marriages are hanging on by threads at times and we NEED your support and guidance! And guys! Don’t give up the fight!! Be patient with your wife and her wounds. Just as a “no” punches you in the stomach, putting another woman in your wife’s place – whether physically or mentally- is the same punch in the stomach to her. So we ask for your grace in this.

    I pray this is an inspiration and encouragement to someone. I’m sorry for the length.

    Love to all is you!

    1. Praying for continued improvement with your husband and your marriage. My family suffers the daily wounds of divorce and though God has moved miraculously in our lives and blessed us so much, we still have the consequence of our choices to (allow) divorce for my husband and I. If you ever just need a story to keep you from thinking that the grass is greener beyond marriage – please contact me.

      And I completely agree – Nina is writing directly to me oh so often and God is using this ministry to heal and help. Praise the Lord.

  11. Thank you Nina, this article was written just for me, its as if God spoke directly to me through your blog today. I was also abused as a child and for the first few years of marriage i completely hated sex and almost lost my husband because of it. When I read how some men say they felt totally rejected a picture of my wonderful husband flashed in my mind. Thanks be to God because he intervened and we are still married today (almost 10 years) and I am taking one step at a time to turn our bleak start to a truly awesome intimacy experience.

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