So today’s the day.
We packed up clothes for the week, and a pillow pet hippo, and left around 5:30am.
And we’ve been sitting here in the hospital surgery waiting area for a while. No news yet, but gobs of prayers.
Meanwhile, back behind those doors over there, a team of experts is inserting a metal bar inside my son’s chest. They’ll flip it to pop his sternum out of his heart and lungs. And as a result, he’ll stop having chest pain. And he’ll be able to run with his friends. He’ll continue growing. He’ll have fewer health issues later in life.
I confess I didn’t want to go to bed last night.
Because I knew that once I went to bed, I’d go to sleep.
And if I went to sleep, I’d wake up.
And when I woke up, I’d have half an hour before we had to leave for the hospital.
But Bram came in and said, “I want tonight to be as normal as everything ever so I don’t have to think about it.”
And I thought, “That’s a fabulous idea.”
And I knew he needed me to be normal so he could rest. So that’s what I did.
Because when you are a mom, when you are a grown up, sometimes you just do things for others. You don’t think about yourself and how you’d really rather beat the walls, argue with God over the things you can’t change and scream at the top of your lungs to get rid of the stress threatening to well inside you.
But I had to pack.
So I did, and managed to completely freak out my dog, who is way too attached to me. So then it was easy to just be concerned about her.
And like today, I just kept taking every thought captive.
I refuse to cave to fear today.
I confess that is a challenge.
They told us the surgery would be two-three hours and that they’d contact us several times during the surgery, and at least halfway through.
It’s been over two hours and we’ve heard nothing.
And sometimes, my chest tightens and my heart threatens to come right up my throat and I don’t know what, but something.
But I am reminding myself of what is True.
And like yesterday, I choose hope.
I choose hope.
Like right now, this is me choosing it.
And I will focus on what is True.
I trust the Doctor. He’s the best. People fly from all over the world to see him. There’s a handful of surgeons in the world that even do this surgery. And he’s one of the best, right here in our town.
I trust the anesthesiology team. There’s like five people just monitoring and dealing with his sedation.
This is also all of their first surgery after a weekend, so we’ll have fresh OR nurses. And it’s Monday, which is a good day to have surgery. And we’ll have full time staff all week.
We have prayed with our church, our friends, and yesterday, with the elders of the church, which is biblical.
We have prayed with our son this morning.
We have done all that we can do.
And now, it’s all in God’s hands.
Which are amazing, and more than we need.
So now we choose to trust.
This is the God that cares for the smallest of birds, and knows how many hairs are on all of our heads.
I choose to trust Him with this.
Regardless of the outcome.
Because He’s not Santa.
When I am afraid,
I put my trust in you.
4 In God, whose word I praise,
in God I trust; I shall not be afraid.
What can flesh do to me?
Psalm 56:3-4 (ESV)
I love that it says, “When.”
I am focused on this today, not able to think about marriage stuff, just clinging to my God and my spouse, and my besties.
Dare you to do likewise today, regardless of what you are dealing with.
Love to you,
What about you? What are you choosing faith, comfort, joy, and peace for today? What verses comfort you most?