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/ Avoid Divorce

For Once I Got it Right!

My mother-in-law gave me the best advice when I had my first child. It was the week before I returned to my part-time training job in the evenings.

I was lamenting leaving the baby with my husband (her son) and all the things he wouldn’t know to do because he didn’t take care of him like I did.

She said, “If your child is alive when you come home that is all that matters – he will parent differently than you do. If you don’t encourage him in that, he’ll be a man who has no relationship with his kids when they are older. You will be alone as a parent, which is bad for him, bad for them, and bad for your marriage.”

Seriously stellar advice.

Respectful advice.

I took it.

And when I returned to the house (having left and forgotten something) to find the 5 month old with cookies on his high chair tray and the hard earned liquid gold breast milk sitting on the counter… I said nothing.

It took everything I had.

I didn’t know how to be encouraging at the time, so I bit my tongue.

And when I got home, I asked him how it went.

“We had a blast! He is such a fun little guy. We played and went outside and took a bath. It was great. He didn’t eat much, but I think I probably shouldn’t have given him the animal crackers while I was making my own dinner. I’ll feed him first next time, and then eat, myself.”

Thank you, Jesus, for teaching him for me.

And I know how much damage I could have done in that one moment…

And how tempted I was to do it – to be controlling…

Can you relate?

How about you? What’s the best advice you have received from a wise woman? What’s the best you’ve given? Dare you to be a Titus 2 woman and share here with us today!

Titus 2:3-5 Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. 4 Then they can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children, 5 to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.

Glad you are here! Can’t wait to read what learnings you’ve had and advice you’d give about marriage today! If you think of me today, can I ask you to please pray? I’m leaving my people and flying to Little Rock, Arkansas to do an interview with Family Life Ministries on The Respect Dare book. I gave my heart to Christ at one of their conferences before Jim and I got married – we went as an engaged couple and have been back three or four more times. They’re awesome and REALLY inexpensive compared to other marriage workshops out there.

Love to you,
~Nina

15 Commments

  1. …other as I step back and let them bond however they want to (like fireworks and science experiments…LOL). He is fully capable of taking care of her!!!

  2. My husband and I have a daughter that will be 12 this year. It has taken me this long to realize that my worry and selfishness as a mother has robbed my husband of a relationship with our girl. I was always fearful that he would do things “wrong” or that she would get hurt. I forced him to parent the way I WANTED HIM TO, and did not let him parent the way God designed him to! I have recently acknowledged this to him and apogized to him! My prayer is that they can continue to improve their relationship and enjoy each

    1. Christie – praising God with you at His revelation and your beautiful, obedient heart. May you all be blessed as a result! He is faithful, He is good. All the time.
      Love that you are here, baby!
      ~Nina

  3. One I do is pray when we are struggling over something. I pray for God to guide my words and help my husband see what I am trying to say. Prayer has been a center for me even when we are fighting. Usually end up in a mess if I forget! By that I mean we are both angry. If I can keep centered on God it helps so much. Not sure anyone ever gave this to me as advice, just something I have learned.

  4. I knew my husband would do things differently, but he wanted to “give up” or tell me “I’m done” when our oldest was little and crying. He kept telling me that he was failing as a dad already. My support in that moment was only to let him know that Daddies and Mommies don’t give up, and that is the definition of a good parent. He has since grown SO MUCH as a dad….and he doesn’t give up, even when it’s hard :-).
    But, the best Advice I got was from my own mom. #1- There is No such thing as a “dog house”, and you are not allowed to kick your husband out of your (plural) bed when you are angry. #2- Do not shame your husband in public or in private, it gets you nowhere.

  5. Best tidbit (and can’t remember where I got it) was that our relationship is like a triangle. At first, that meant I would do my best then turn to God to help my husband understand my perspective. However, I am beginning to practice going to our Father FIRST. He gives the direction and things always work . . . not my way, but His way and grace to follow.

  6. Love him for WHO he is, not WHAT he does. His work may own his hands for certain hours of the day, his heart is at home with you.

    I used to be jealous of my husband’s love for his work, not realizing that it was his head and hands that did the work, his heart was ours – our son and I. He always comes home to us. Always. Some days in the fields are longer and I don’t begrudge him those hours because I know farming is important to him. Not MORE important than his faith or his family, but important.

  7. I wish I had that advice many years ago. I was the controlling mom and then got resentful that my husband didn’t jump in and help more. My mother in law said not to say no all the time so that when we did say it to mean it and stick by it. Also stick together with parenting decisions (didn’t always follow that advice because once again – controlling Mom). There are so many regrets and thankful God took my mistakes and made good children and a forgiving husband.

    1. His mercies are new every morning… 🙂 So glad you are here, Lucy! Wise words, indeed. Thank you for sharing them.
      Love to you,
      ~Nina

  8. I think that the best advice that I have been given (at least that is applicable to this season of my life) is to ask my husband for help when I need it – even if I think that he should already know to help or even if I assume that he sees my need for help.

    My husband doesn’t read my mind and usually don’t observe situations with the kids or the house the same way that I do. I have a tendency to just take everything on and do it because I know that it needs to be done. I have had to start asking my husband for help… “Will you change the baby?” “Can you give the baby a bath so that I can finish these dishes?” “Can you stop at the store for me on your way home?”

    I know that this is something that is covered in TRD but, before reading TRD, I heard it from a Mom at my Church who has six kids. She said she’d be getting all of the kids in the car and struggling while her husband just stood by carrying on whatever he was doing. Finally, one day she talked to him and what came out was “just ask me.”

    Sounds so simple… Right? 🙂

    1. Oops, that was supposed to be:

      “My husband doesn’t read my mind and usually doesn’t observe situations with the kids or the house the same way that I do.”

    2. HA! How many years did I NOT ask, expecting him to read my mind like my girlfriends and sister and mom??? All wasted frustrating expectations. Meh. Ask. Yep.
      Love to you,
      ~Nina

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