Husband Doesn’t Believe?
Some of us are blessed by our husband’s having a relationship with God, or at the very least, believing in Him. Others are not so blessed. Whatever your circumstances, however, remember our Lord holds all your tears as precious. We are privileged to hear from a beautiful woman named, Falen. She first and foremost calls herself a child of God, a wife, mom, legal assistant, 5-Ker, geocacher, fanatical daughter, coffee addict and perpetual dieter. I totally relate to her. Falen also has experience in respecting a husband who does not believe. You can read more about her story where she blogs regularly over at Upward Not Inward. You should totally subscribe to her. She’s wise, mature, and persevering and awesome in her humility.
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You will never hear me say it is easy to respect a husband who does not have a heart for Christ.
There are many moments where it doesn’t feel worth it. There are times I feel like I’m the only one that cares. He gets his cake and eats it too while I continue to sacrificially serve.
Right here is where the inward focus can take control – making this all about me – using daggers of unfairness and swords of self-pity on myself welcoming a festival of self-inflicted spiritual wounds…
Or,
In those times of doubt, pain, heartache, or even feelings of being invisible I can be reminded why I persevere, why love is the high road, why sacrificial service is worth it, and shift my focus upward to the God who heals, comforts, redeems, rescues, and makes new.
The more I focus on Christ, the more I can respect my unbelieving husband.
While it may appear as if “he gets his cake and eats it too,” the truth is his cake is a one way ticket to death.
Respecting him is offering him something greater, showing him a better option, being a piercing light in the darkness.
I know what you are thinking. I’ve been that girl who sits in the back or behind her computer screen, rolls her eyes, and thinks, “but you don’t know what I have to deal with” or “you don’t know my husband and what a jerk he is.” In fact, I’ve even thought and prayed, “God, I am not Jesus. How many times do I have to forgive him?” I can’t respect a repeat offender.
But God…
God fills me when I’m empty. God reminds me of my worth and royalty in Him. God shows me this limitless love that once I even think I begin to grasp it exponentially multiplies. God reaches down and helps me back up onto my feet, reminds me I’m precious and purposed for great and amazing deeds, and fills me with a strength I could never conjure on my own. Knowing I, myself, am a repeat offender and the repeat grace and repeat forgiveness I receive never fails to show me I should extend the same to my husband.
I don’t do it for me and my glory. I do it for God and His glory out of an overflow of this ridiculous grace that I, too, have been gifted.
I can’t dwell on the greatness of God and the negative in my marriage at the same time. It’s one or the other.
I choose. You choose.
Focus inward or focus upward.
My good friend says: “Lift up your head Princess, if not your crown will fall.”
If he loved me the way Christ loved the church as he is called to, would it be easier to respect him? Yes. But, if he was a God honoring man, would I be as dependent on God during this season of my life?
For all the wives out there growing weary, feeling like it would be better to leave, feeling like things will never change, feeling like it is all for not…
Know there is purpose in the heartbreak. God’s word never returns void. You are more than a conqueror. Victory is yours. Do not sit idly by, pacifying your flesh by retaliating with disrespect. Keep on the offense, stand firm in the truth of God, and being active in your respect. You are not alone. Your God is bigger than the problems you face. I promise He is.
~Falen
Wow. I so needed to discover this blog today. Having a little pity party and not liking it. This is not who I am. I feel like I’m married to someone who is, depending on his mood, crushing my spirit. How can you share a life with someone who is angry. Angry all the time. I try to remind him of his blessings of at least having a job in this economy and he just gets madder. If I get frustrated with his angry disposition he gets mad at ME! I don’t get it, did I push getting married and not follow the guiding? How do you know you’re where you’re supposed to be?
Kris –
Stop arguing with him. You aren’t responsible for his attitude. He doesn’t want to be reminded when he is grumpy and in the midst of his pity party. Pray for him instead. I’ve been waiting for my husband in this area for nearly two decades and my getting out of God’s way and just praying for my husband made all the difference. And don’t beat yourself up or try to own his behavior – it’s not about you, but rather a reflection of his relationship with God, so pray. Love to you, baby! SO glad you are here! And there’s a scripture about being where you are – don’t wonder about whether you are supposed to be where you are. The truth is you are there.
So bloom where you are planted, beautiful.
Love to you,
~Nina
I too have made it about me — how hurt I have been and still am. Your reminder that it is not about me; rather, “it would hurt the heart of God” hurts my heart and I am crying as I write this.
Wow .. what a mature and wise encouragement .. Thanku 😉
What sweet words. Thank you!
I loved this, I am married to unbeliever for 10 years now and recently he has said that he believes the church is coming between us. I love my husband and trying hard to help our marriage. I have noticed the strength and the peace I feel now just because I believe and pray. God has a plan and that gets me through.
God does have a plan, and God gave you that specific man as a husband with a purpose. Hang in there, sister. He’s your first ministry, remember that. Hugs!
I can totally relate to the part of God just filling me up everytime I am depleted. He is so faithful. Thank you Lord for your great love to me and my unbelieving husband.
Remain steadfast in your mission, Sally. He is so incredibly faithful and pours his love upon us by the bucket loads! Much to be thankful for!
Thank you for this post. I too have been married to an unbeliever for over 25 years. I thought because he went to church when we first dated, he had some faith but as it turned out, he does not. I have struggled for years with this. What makes it worse is when family members are critical and make it “my problem” that my spouse does not believe. That it is the person’s fault that they refuse to believe. Today’s K-LOVE encouraging verse is “God saved you by his grace when you believed. And you can’t take credit for this; it is a gift from God” (Eph 2:8) This year I have been studying Genesis and God pointed out to me that His timing is perfect. Falen mentioned above, “But, if he was a God honoring man, would I be as dependent on God during this season of my life”? This is not only about me being dependent on God (and being married to an unbeliever causes one to 100% dependent), but also on God getting the most glory. If the cup bearer had told Pharaoh about Joseph two years earlier and let him out of prison then, Joseph may have left Egypt and returned to his people and everyone would have perished in the famine. His own brothers may have never repented of their sins and turned to God. God’s timing and purposes are always perfect and we need to trust in His Sovereignty. I believe God is going to save my husband one day, but it will not be until all things have worked together for the good of those around us, and when God will receive the most glory! I can’t wait for that day: )
Yessss!! “God’s timing and purposes are always perfect and we need to trust in His Sovereignty.” Amen!! I, too, have journeyed through Genesis this year and what truth!! Romans 8 intertwined in there with the ALL THINGS working for the good… Love!! I, too, can’t wait for that day. Huge hugs to you, sister!
Thank you so much for this. I often feel alone as my friends talk about their husbands and their beliefs. My husband believes in God and Jesus, but doesn’t “get” it and often displays attitudes and acts that are not christian based. Several times I have seriously thought about leaving, even planning where to live, etc.. questioning if I followed my will in marrying my husband, not God’s. Yet, something always brings me back and reminds me that I need to be an example of Christ to my husband. This line was my aha moment of the day: “But, if he was a God honoring man, would I be as dependent on God during this season of my life?” The answer is no-so I thank God for my husband and the lessons I’m learning. Thank you too for this post.
I, too, have thought about leaving more times than I would like to admit. That all changed when I was talking to a friend about the hurt and how I was reacting with my hatefulness, silence, and disrespect. She said, “Why don’t you just leave him?” I said, “cause it would hurt the heart of God.” She responded with the perspective shift I needed, “then tell me, how is the way you are acting and responding any different?” I needed to hear those words in that moment. She was so right. While in those moments of division, we still have the opportunity to be a light and show the love of an incredible God or we can walk in the flesh and respond with the critical, selfish attitudes that don’t shine at all. It’s purifying, yes. But with much, much purpose. Thank you for your comment. I feel like we could be friends. 🙂