Lame but Still Moving…
After a long and arduous week, some days spent dealing with naysayers and negativity, God sent me a blessing via email. I have to first confess that I really don’t feel cut out to do this work. I’m as inadequate as they come. I actually do cry over negative reviews. I know, lame, right?
I can’t seem to fully wrap my brain around this thing He has me doing… and I struggle daily right now in taking every single thought captive so I don’t give way to fear… those who have been with me for a while know how very much I’m dreading another pectus excavatum surgery for another one of our sons. Honestly, sometimes I feel like a little girl at one end of a very long hard road. So after hearing from those who vehemently disagree with my encouragements to mothers and wives, I desperately needed this:
I just wanted to share with you what happened at my house this morning.
First I will say this – my husband is a wonderful, Godly man who loves me and our children in very tangible and fantastic ways. But he is a very gentle man and I tend to be a very “ungentle” woman. His family of origin communicates in a passive aggressive way and no one talks about anything that bothers them, ever. So this has been an ongoing battle in our marriage. We have never done conflict well. I would get pushy and he would get defensive and shut down. He would never come to me with something that bothered him, he would just show me in passive aggressive ways that he was upset until I asked. Often by the time we got to actually talking about a situation we were both frustrated.
I have been working through the Respect Dare book and I have been actively trying to communicate without anger or emotion.
This morning he sent me a text that started with, “Thanks, listen 99.9% of the time I’m going to back your ideas and do everything I can to support you. But if I’m going to be the man God wants me to be…”
Nina, I have to tell you he has never spoken like this. Ever. We’ve been married for 12 years and together for 14. I have never heard him say those words. He then went on to very calmly and assertively state the things that needed to change.
I immediately told him he was right and apologized and we had a great talk.
I just wanted to thank you for your tangible suggestions that have led to me becoming closer to the woman God is calling me to be, so that my husband can be the man God wants him to be.
I know as sure as I know I’m breathing that I had little to nothing to do with what is going on in this gal’s marriage. I have no idea why God has me blogging – my friend Sandy insists that I really do journal, just publicly. 🙂 But sometimes an email or comment comes that spurs me on. I’m entirely too lame – I actually need the encouragement. And so I was thankful.
Dare you today to take a moment and encourage those around you – not just the ones who actually look like they need it, but the ones who seem strong because they are busy serving others. They probably need it too. And it’s in the Bible. Grow closer to God by obeying His Word. It’s perfect.
Ephesians 4:29 Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.
Love to you,
What about you today? How has someone given you meaningful encouragement? 🙂 What have you done for others?
Nina, thank you for sharing this. Firstly, you are not lame. When someone writes something that is hurtful it is okay to be hurt. It is how we respond to the hurt that matters – in reviews, in marriages and in friendships! Bless you girl.
Thank you, Shanyn. 🙂 I pray for all of our responses – such a good point. 🙂 Thank you for making it! 🙂
Love to you,
Nina I’m so glad that I could bless you with my e mail, as your book has so greatly blessed me!
Want to know something odd? The back of that little girl in the pic you chose to go with this post looks just like my daughter LOL!!
Don’t fear the negative responses, to me that just means you’re sending a message that’s sometimes hard to swallow but that so many need to hear.
Just wanted to tell you that I was talking to Sonnie yesterday and we both miss our class with you. Thanks so much for doing it with us. I know it wasn’t really what you wanted to do but I appreciate that you did it anyway.
Just read your blog. Did I really say that about you journalling publicly? Guess that is like something I would say!
What about tomorrow? What would work for you? I leave on Wed. to go to Chattanooga for Kay Arthur’s Inductive Bible Study workshop. Will return on Sunday.
Love you, Sandy
🙂 I’m not sure I can swing tomorrow, but might be able to. Let’s talk by phone later today.
Love to you,
Dear Nina — I can so relate to this blog — but I want to encourage you today to keep pressing on. We are coming to the end of the “Respect Dare” on line, and I really am going to miss all the good articles and blogs you send! They hit me right in the heart and they are what I have needed so badly for my marriage. God is using this course so much in my life and in my marriage — I will be doing it with a group of ladies from my church soon. I have made copies of all your blogs to give to them while we are going through it together. Thank you so much for being so open and honest — it has been such an encouragement. God has changed my marriage in so many ways — and He has used this course to do so! God bless you!
So glad to hear from you, sister. 🙂 Subscribe to the blog via email, and your ladies can also do likewise. I’m not quitting. 🙂 The blog goes on and on and on… 🙂 Glad you are here!
Love to you,
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