Like no one notices? Like you do everything and no one appreciates you?
Watch this, then read on… because there’s something missing here…
Don’t get me wrong – I know the Word tells us to serve, to live as Christ, to lay down our lives for our friends as He did – there IS no greater love than this.
John 15:13 (ESV) Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.
But I do disagree with the notion that we must always actively choose a position of accepting or even creating invisibility.
I am raising boys and a girl. I want to model being a woman of strength and dignity to all of them, so they learn how to 1) treat others, and 2) behave themselves.
So if the TV (music/game system/whatever) is too loud, I don’t raise my voice and then turn it down myself.
I take an entirely different approach.
And no, I don’t think I’m perfect, and sometimes I get it wrong. But I’m learning as the Holy Spirit is teaching me.
What do I do?
I first don’t choose an attitude of victim-hood. Nor do I choose an attitude of dominance. I am simply another believer, a fellow heir, with these precious souls, especially when dealing with my kids, I recognize I’m in a mentoring and training position of authority with them. But it doesn’t make me bossy or dictatorial.
So I just walk into the room and ask for what I want, in a gentle and kind voice. If I’m ignored, I walk over to the person in charge of the issue, put my hand on his or her shoulder or arm, and gently say, “Baby, will you please turn down the TV? It’s too loud.”
And I smile.
And it works.
At least most of the time. I’ll admit it didn’t at first, but I found that the more I responded to snarky behavior with gentle tone, firmness in consequences and transparency with my feelings, but not resorting to the same aggressive disrespectful behavior I’m trying to eradicate from my home…the more I found people respecting me. Because I made it easy for them, by not being domineering nor a doormat.
And for what it is worth, I still do a bazillion things no one knows about – and I don’t care. My identity is wrapped up in what God says of me – and I don’t need accolades for doing the job I have. When I am feeling unappreciated, I take inventory – and I notice that I’ve created unhealthy expectations of humans instead of worked on intimacy with God – and almost always am responding with self-pity, instead of strength and dignity, which always evolves into bitterness and resentment. The culture’s pull is deep, constant, and none of us are immune. So I focus again on my relationship with Jesus Christ – and am filled with insight from Him again. And I start responding better again.
Something seemingly small that matters greatly is how much we are communicating. Are our prayers never ending rambles? Or do we listen twice as much as we speak? Don’t expect Him to fight for a Word in edge-wise. We have to be silent to hear Him. He’s always speaking.
And in interactions with humans, if we are commenting on literally everything someone says, and if we are incessantly talking – no one hears what we say. Women of discernment don’t constantly run at the mouth. “Over communicating” is just as damaging to relationships as “reticence.” See more on that here.
Dare you today to LISTEN – does He want you to serve secretly, invisibly? Sometimes He does. Does He want you to respond differently? Sometimes He does. Whatever you do, just be in His will – and you have to know Him to know what that is at any given moment. Double dog dare you to join us on this journey of knowing Him more. If He isn’t literally EVERYTHING and you desire Him most, no amount of “advice” will impact any of your relationships.
So glad you are here!
Love to you,