Got Fear?
Multiple times a day, my heart begins to pound and my eyes fill with tears as the hot flames of fear lick around the edges of my mother’s heart.
One of our sons will be having surgery this year.
We have already “been there and done that” with his older brother – with the same surgery. If you are interested, I blogged about that experience here.
And sometime this year, I’ll have two sons with metal bars implanted in their chests, inserted and flipped to harshly, but immediately, pull their sternums out of their hearts.
Tuesday, when I walked down the hall at the hospital, leaving my son in the MRI that would determine whether or not he would have the surgery, the tears welled and I felt dread.
I walked down that hall once before, three years ago, not knowing the horror and blessing of the outcome. The feeling gripped me and my chest felt tight, my throat caught and lumpy and I wondered, “What IS this?”
And I realized I was afraid.
Afraid of things I’m not going to breathe life into by saying them here.
And so I prayed. And as I prayed, I had a knowing, a sense of more. That this time, I would not be focused on comfort and peace, but rather peace and joy. JOY?
Joy.
“Rejoice in the Lord always, again I say: ‘Rejoice!'” says Paul in Philippians 4:8.
“I don’t know how,” I cried. “Teach me, please,” I begged.
And He is.
He has started by teaching me (again 🙂 ) to take every single thought captive, and make it succumb to His Word. He has told me this morning to “do what is right” regardless – in other words, be about His business, and let Him handle these things.
I know the fear and dread will destroy my health and my relationships if I let it. So today, I am doing the 
same thing I did yesterday, which is praying literally about a hundred times a day, “Show me Your joy in this – teach me how to have joy right now.”
And this morning, He reminded me that He is in control. He reminded me of the many blessings in our lives. He reminded me of His sovereignty. He reminded me that my worry adds NOTHING to my life.
Luke 12:25-26 “Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?”
1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 “Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”
And Philippians 4:8-13 “Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice. 5 Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; 6 do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. 7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. 8 Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. 9 What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me–practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.”
I know God has allowed these circumstances.
I know He wants me to learn to be about His business (practice these things Phil 4:9) regardless of my circumstances. And in doing so, I believe I will be a better mother and a more godly woman. It might even impact my marriage.
I would not have picked this.
But I am learning.
Dare you to do likewise today. Dare you to subscribe to what we’re doing here on the blog – the journey is better together! And frankly, I’m seriously interested in being with gobs of people on this journey… Double dog dare you to comment on what He’s teaching you today…
Oh, so very very thankful you are here.
Love to you,
~Nina
Hello Nina, this is a wonderful post. So many awesome verses that I will keep near to me. I am sorry to hear of another surgery in the future for your family. I will pray for you and your family in this – God bless…
Nina, rather than say anything further, I just feel led to pray for you and your whole family and for everyone else who is going through something similar.
I woke up this morning with anxiousness over an issue and read this. So perfect of God to encourage me to give it to him. Thank you Nina for being his messenger. Prayers for your family and Joy to you.
Prayers for you, and your boys. What a challenge to face again. And yet God grows us and shows us each time we get to grow. When we let Him. Much love my dear.
God is showing me how to grow grace and to surrender to Him my personal sense of direction (http://strawberryroan.blogspot.ca/2013/02/lent-giving-up-my-sense-of-direction.html) to trust Him for where we are going, when and how.
I hear you girl, and I cherish and treasure the verses you shared, and am holding you up in my prayers. All of you.
I understand. When my husband was in ICU and they performed procedures on him, I experienced the same feelings. I used the promises of God to mediate on and become BIGGER in my mind than his circumstance. Tough times don’t last, tough people do. Praying for you son’s speedy recover and your super natural strenth
“Tough times don’t last, tough people do. ”
Wow, love that!!:)
Thank you for this post!! Though I am not going through those exact fears, I think we all face little fears or even wonders all throughout the day. Mine lately are the fears that “I can’t do this job forever, itsn’t there something else,” or fearing my husbands financial choices and how they will impact our family, fearing that Im not doing my best as a mom and the list goes on depending the day. Im a school teacher and a mom of three little ones so sometimes I am just “done.” if you know what I mean. Just today I was walking back from taking my students to lunch and the overwhelming thoughts of all I had on my plate and all I needed to do came to me. I wondered how I could possibly keep doing this day after day. Then I reminded my self to take those thoughts captive. I love the verse, “He will keep him in perfect peace, whose eyes are fixed on You, because he trusts in You.” Isa. 26:3 When I fix my eyes on Jesus..He will keep me in perfect peace! I just have to do the focusing on Him. So that’s what I am going to do! There is joy in knowing He is in control!
Praying for your family!!
Thank you – so very much. Yes, it IS when I take my eyes off of Him that I see the waves lapping at my feet… they will always be there, but I don’t need to pay attention to them, do I?
Love to you,
~Nina
I’ve faced that fear at this point, over 60 times. We have made that ever so LONG walk to the OR, usually room #22. I pray you feel my love and prayers. I always thought this road would get easier with regards to surgeries, but my heart cracks a little more each time she drifts off to sleep in that induction room.
Whether you’ve done it once or a hundred times, it IS scary. I recite Psalms 56:3, “What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee”.
YES. 🙂 Thank you for this encouragement today… 🙂
Love to you, baby.
So glad you are here…
~Nina
Nina, This is Lois from Hope in a House Divided. We talked by phone about Daughters of Sarah some years ago. I lost track of you and didn’t know about your older son’s surgery. I’m not on Twitter much but went there to check on something and saw your post. Not sure how to contact you privately on Twitter, but wanted to let you know i will pray for you and your son.
Lois-
Your words are such a blessing this morning. 🙂 Thank you so much!
Love to you,
~Nina