Does Submission and Respect Mean I Keep My Mouth Shut?
Because people just don’t know what other option is available, often the answer is yes… but what if there is another way? What if that “gentle and quiet spirit” spoken about in 1 Peter 3:1-6 just means you have emotional control and aren’t screaming?
I literally believe this is one of the most important and loving things we can learn – how to communicate when we disagree. To not say anything is to be a doormat and is often disrespectful to the Temple of the Holy Spirit and the oneness intended for marriage. To “fight for your rights” by shoving your opinion down someone else’s throat or being critical of others and thus, judgmental in your communication is also sinful – even Christ did not come to judge.
There is another way… words that contain the KEY for changing the outcome of a discussion… and by the way, I spent 15 years in mainstream corporate America coaching executives on using this method – it’s something those highly regarded have as a foundational communication tool.
Some of the most powerful words in any language, regardless of 
whether you are dealing with a husband, teenager, mother, or boss are simply these…
“I might be wrong about this, but it is my perception that…”
These words are powerful and loving at the same time because they:
- Allow another to “save face”
- Humbly presents your point of view
- Avoid stating, “you are wrong,” which almost always causes defensiveness
- Focuses on OUR perception instead of assuming facts that may be inaccurate
- Avoids being prescriptive about “what YOU did…”
- Allows disagreement and discussion in a civilized way
- Allows for US to actually be wrong, which we sometimes are…
Dare you to try this in your conversations today when you think you disagree or have an opinion that is different than someone else’s, then work on it again tomorrow, and keep doing so until it is a habit. Watch the level of tension diminish.
Then teach it to your kids, and watch them get along better, too.
And yes, Proverbs 10:19 “When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise,” is still true – we don’t need to 1) have an opinion about EVERYTHING and certainly 2) don’t need to SHARE all of them!! That’s pride… but dare you to give up PRIDE this day – stop having to be right about everything. Open yourself to the possibilities that God has a plan and you might not know what it is, and maybe, with the help of someone else, He will reveal Himself.
Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. Philippians 4:6 NASB
So glad you are on the journey! 🙂
What about you? Do you have to be right? Or have you given this up? What is strangled in your relationships because of your refusal to unwind your fingers from this one? What has been unleashed when you’ve let go of it? Double dog dare you to be a Titus 2 woman today and share! 🙂
Love to you,
~Nina
I was so happy to see when I came here to find what your answer was what my answer would be. Wise and kind words tinged with humor will go so much further in building relationship than remaining silent and building anger and resentment. Stellar post, sweet girl. Keep doing that good work our Lord has given you to do.
This is so wise and it works. I’m a strong person and have a strong personality, I’m learning when silence is golden and when speaking with the right heart is the better choice. Working well with my husband, we are doing so much better. Now to get that mode working for the kiddo! 🙂
Good Morning Nina, Thank you for this post. The “Respect Dare” e-course is helping me to do this more and more. Believe it or not I’ve only raised my voice once in the last few weeks. Unfortunately it was this morning. However, I stopped when I heard myself and just took a moment to breath and walk away. I called my hubby a few minutes later to just say I was sorry I raised my voice and that I’d get in my bible and read and bury His Word deep in my heart to help me with my hurt rather than yell at him. Only a 2 minute conversation but it helped a lot. It helps a lot too knowing that I need to really be focusing on my relationship with God first not with my hubby. Being in the flesh is really the pits sometimes =) But I know when I overcome the flesh the feeling of victory is awesome. Thank you for sharing good encouraging and Biblical based teaching!
This is great Nina. I always had to be right. Then I worked on being silent. Not full-time, but in the rush, in the tension, and would approach things later. I have been working on how to approach things more closely to when they are happening by presenting them better (part of having to be right means that I don’t usually say things all that nicely) and this is a great tool to help me continue working. I can see it working in alllllllllll kinds of interactions – so thank you again for the reminder.