This wife, who is dear to me, wrote to one of our ministry teams last week. She cried out the following:
Gail – HELP! In self-righteous anger, my husband just quit his job while we are in the end stages of getting approved for a home loan. He was sure another would jump to hire him immediately but just discovered that his ex-boss put a non-compete clause in the last contract he signed. I am very scared and struggling on how to show him support and respect. The only thing keeping me from geeking out on him is knowing that he is scared too, and probably doing plenty of his own mental kicking of himself. Please pray that he finds another job FAST and the mortgage people don’t find out. If another does hire him, it won’t be considered a job change and we won’t lose the house. Closing date is set for Jan 28.
Can you imagine this? Can you walk in her shoes for a moment? Just about to close on a house, and her husband gets angry and quits his job.
What would you do?
I love what she did.
First, she recognized that she needed help. And then she asked for it.
Chew on that, in and of itself, just for a moment.
How good at asking for help are you? I don’t know about you, but I have struggled with this – and God broke my sinful pride and has helped me grow. Dare you to let Him help you the same.
Second, she admitted that she was scared and struggling.
How real are you? Do you share when you are really scared and struggling? Or do you present the “I’m fine” persona? I’ve been there, too.
Then – and this is SUPER IMPORTANT – she saw things from his point of view – and IT KEPT HER from “geeking out” on him. Because she took a moment to SEE the way God does, He revealed His Truth to her.
Then she asked for prayer.
Here’s the rest of the dialogue – you’ll love how it turned out. You’ll also see how she wrestled, but obeyed, and Mercy prevailed. What should be apparent to you at the end of this is that she could have destroyed the intimate moment around the corner between her and her husband. This intimacy is what we are all striving for, what our hearts yearn for, to be that connected to the man we married – and we often destroy these moments by stepping front of God and controlling things with our husbands. Sometimes, God will have us confront his sin (notice this was NOT something her husband did repeatedly, either) – but we won’t know what is God’s best unless we are listening to Him. Daily. In the midst of the mess. At any rate, here it is:
Nina OHMYWORD. Praying. Stellar of you to be wise enough to see him kicking himself. I remember when a friend of mine’s husband invested in a scheme – she warned him, but he sunk $10K into it anyway, and sure enough, they lost every penny. She never once said, “I told you so,” nor did she ever bring it back up. When he fussed about the decision to her, she looked at him and said, “We all make mistakes. I forgive you.” She didn’t deny that what he did was not the right thing, but she trusted God to 1) teach her husband where she had had no influence, and 2) take care of them in the meantime. WE WILL PRAY.
Lisa Gail, let me say I’m sorry….I know you are hurting. Your sense of security and stability has been rocked. It feels very vulnerable. It is in God’s will to position us to help our husbands to go through a character growth spurt. He might be learning how to better manage his anger You’re right the temptation for you is to geek out on him Rant, rave, and blow up in his face will just send him in the wrong direction. Best to trust the Lord as your provider, stay quiet and let natural consequences be the teacher. Like in football, if a player does something stupid the whole team suffers for it. But loyalty, forgiveness and remaining a friend (come what may) will pay off. Prepare your heart to prioritize. The relationship takes priority over the house loan and job status. Channel your prayers, anger, fear, concerns into a journal as God works on your heart in the midst of the trial too. Let your hubby know you are praying/fasting for him. Help him make copies of his resume affirming him he has overcome many things before…”we will get through this together too” – You trust him to work this out for the better of the family.
Gail Thank you! This was exactly what I needed. I will keep reading and re-reading these posts in the days to come.
Nina We were just reading through 1 Peter 2 and 3. The phrase, “in the same way” at the beginning of 3 rocked our world – we are called to trouble, but I fully agree with everything Lisa said. And for what it is worth – you are not alone.
Gail – oh Man! I SO need to keep praying. There is such a big part of me wanting to point out to him how awesome it is of me that I am NOT screaming at him and saying I told you so… Get back Satan!! This isn’t about me. But if only you ladies knew just how UNLIKE me this is. There is a reason I have the nickname DragonLady. Is there some other way I can get this frustration and fear out if I can’t share it with the one who caused it?
Lisa – Don’t forget to get some hard exercise with heavy breathing in… if you need to obliterate a target dragon lady, head to the rifle range or get your good throwing knives and tear up a deck of cards on a tree stump! Speaking from experience …God understands anger…it needs to be tempered and used in God honoring ways. I’ve always been impressed with how the Mothers of Drunk Drivers MADD channeled their anger. Same with SADD. I’m heading out to yoga..gotta go!
Nina – It’s why I run. And I ask Him for more of Him and less of me, and He fills me with His peace – praying for His vision, that we can see others the way He sees them… and knowing that this is not our home… this place, these people, even us – we’re constrained by this arena called, “earth,” for the time being, but the environment degrades my body (which isn’t the one I’ll have in heaven) and the culture degrades my thinking and does these things to others. It’s like being a stranger in a strange land. For a long time. We can have moments and even a life where we are IN but not OF – experiencing His presence regardless of the circumstances, thus being His light to the world. I can’t remember what verse it is, but somewhere in Acts, Stephen sees heaven open up. THAT is our home. THAT’s where we ARE as we should be and SEE and HEAR His truth clearly. LOVE YOU BABY. Don’t waste this opportunity to walk this leg of the journey well. Keep us posted. PRAYING.
Nina – How are you doing, G?
Gail – God is good and your prayers all helped. I was able to keep calm and supportive when I got home from work that night. After dinner, my husband tearfully apologized for making such a reckless decision and told me how scared he was that he was going to lose the house he “wanted to give me” so badly. We hugged and held on to each other. I assured him that whatever God’s plan was I would be there for him and that I didn’t care where we lived as long as we were together. The next morning another employer called him to fill in and hired him permanently after seeing what a good worker he is. Today we are floating on air singing praises to God. I feel like I passed a really hard test.
She did pass a test. We have opportunities like this all the time – will we respond in His Great Love? Or will we sin by judging and condemning our neighbor?
So glad to share this with you today! Even more thrilled you are on the journey with us!
If you are interested in walking along others like the above, come do The Respect Dare e-course with us. Registration is open until January 25th. It officially starts January 28th. All of your tuition goes to our ministry, by the way. And we all volunteer our time. Anyway, if you want to join us, here’s the link – go to the ecourse tab: http://www.TheRespectDare.com . Also this week, through WEDNESDAY, Women of Faith is doing a giveaway of The Respect Dare. You can get access to it here. Please feel free to share with friends!
At any rate, DARE YOU to leave a comment and/or subscribe to the blog – what struck you about this situation above? Have you struggled and cried out for help? Why do you think we have issues with that??
Love to you,