I ran out to grab some wrapping paper and underwear today (I know, odd combination, but both needed) and observed about a bazillion couples doing early Christmas shopping.
The conversations all went fairly similarly. The women had a plethora of words for each other, and the men pushed the carts, sat on the benches, and occasionally gave each other a compassionate nod or grunt. Many of them looked like they were in varying degrees of emotional discomfort, and one man looked just plain miserable. (Yes, I know, it’s a bit odd to watch people like I do, but I haven’t been arrested yet – and I only do it in public and only because I really find couple interactions fascinating) The women conversed at great length about shoes, coats, pans, decorative items, you name it. I did hear some men talking to each other around the lighting section.
I remembered reading a recent study that revealed that men and women really DO NOT speak a much different number of words in a day, but more so the topics and timing of our communications are different. Most men do their communicating at work – where they experience a productive reason for the communication. Women communicate at work, also, but while the end of the day arrives and the man has used many of his words for what he considers “purpose,” the woman is still interested in communication for relationship’s sake.
One of the biggest mistakes I’ve made in my relationship with my husband is to expect him to be friends with me the same way my girlfriends are.
The second biggest mistake was assuming he had the same relationship needs that I do.
Regardless of where you and he fall in this area, if your husband is like about 85% of the men out there, he has about three friends – and he wants YOU as his best friend. But know it won’t look like you and your best girlfriend. Not even on a really good day. And that’s not just okay, it’s by design, and can be awesome.
Know that God wired men and women much differently – and there’s much research on the biology, as politically incorrect as it is. But know also that when He told us in Titus 2:3-5 to be friends with our husbands (the word, “love,” in this Scripture, is “phileo love” or “friendship love”) that it is super important.
3 Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, 4 and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, 5 to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.
3 I know you are enduring patiently and bearing up for my name’s sake, and you have not grown weary. 4 But I have this against you, that you have abandoned the love you had at first. 5 Remember therefore from where you have fallen; repent, and do the works you did at first. If not, I will come to you and remove your lampstand from its place, unless you repent.
Dare you to ask your husband what is important to him in a friend – and then ask him what you used to do or do now that made him feel like he was your friend. Double dog dare you to start doing those things again… it’ll make a huge impact on your marriage. TRIPLE dog dare you to share here what some of them are and be a Titus gal for others! 🙂
Glad you are on the journey with us. J We’re ALL learning.
We’re less than 21 days out (I think this is day 19) from when Thomas Nelson releases The Respect Dare
around the world – Amazon already has it for sale, but most places won’t have it on the shelves until December 11, 2012. If you haven’t done the book, we seriously hope you’ll join us when it is released!
Love to you,