Is He Your Friend?
I ran out to grab some wrapping paper and underwear today (I know, odd combination, but both needed) and observed about a bazillion couples doing early Christmas shopping.
The conversations all went fairly similarly. The women had a plethora of words for each other, and the men pushed the carts, sat on the benches, and occasionally gave each other a compassionate nod or grunt. Many of them looked like they were in varying degrees of emotional discomfort, and one man looked just plain miserable. (Yes, I know, it’s a bit odd to watch people like I do, but I haven’t been arrested yet – and I only do it in public and only because I really find couple interactions fascinating) The women conversed at great length about shoes, coats, pans, decorative items, you name it. I did hear some men talking to each other around the lighting section.
I remembered reading a recent study that revealed that men and women really DO NOT speak a much different number of words in a day, but more so the topics and timing of our communications are different. Most men do their communicating at work – where they experience a productive reason for the communication. Women communicate at work, also, but while the end of the day arrives and the man has used many of his words for what he considers “purpose,” the woman is still interested in communication for relationship’s sake.
One of the biggest mistakes I’ve made in my relationship with my husband is to expect him to be friends with me the same way my girlfriends are.
The second biggest mistake was assuming he had the same relationship needs that I do.
Regardless of where you and he fall in this area, if your husband is like about 85% of the men out there, he has about three friends – and he wants YOU as his best friend. But know it won’t look like you and your best girlfriend. Not even on a really good day. And that’s not just okay, it’s by design, and can be awesome.
Know that God wired men and women much differently – and there’s much research on the biology, as politically incorrect as it is. But know also that when He told us in Titus 2:3-5 to be friends with our husbands (the word, “love,” in this Scripture, is “phileo love” or “friendship love”) that it is super important.
3 Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, 4 and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, 5 to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.
3 I know you are enduring patiently and bearing up for my name’s sake, and you have not grown weary. 4 But I have this against you, that you have abandoned the love you had at first. 5 Remember therefore from where you have fallen; repent, and do the works you did at first. If not, I will come to you and remove your lampstand from its place, unless you repent.
Dare you to ask your husband what is important to him in a friend – and then ask him what you used to do or do now that made him feel like he was your friend. Double dog dare you to start doing those things again… it’ll make a huge impact on your marriage. TRIPLE dog dare you to share here what some of them are and be a Titus gal for others! 🙂
Glad you are on the journey with us. J We’re ALL learning.
We’re less than 21 days out (I think this is day 19) from when Thomas Nelson releases The Respect Dare
around the world – Amazon already has it for sale, but most places won’t have it on the shelves until December 11, 2012. If you haven’t done the book, we seriously hope you’ll join us when it is released!
Love to you,
Thank goodness for good communicators. My guy gets this look of utter disbelief and sort of despair squinches his eyebrows and says “I just can’t take the clutter babe, do you know, you’ve just dumped a whole load of clutter one me? I really didn’t need a blow by blow of what your workout is going to be… how much coffee have you had this morning? Have you eaten… seriously. He doesn’t mind as much if it’s later in the afternoon but mornings… oh no. Clutter in the mornings completely shuts him down. 🙂 and that’s when I’m fresh out of bed, planning my day and chattering a mile a minute. Lol. Verbal clutter is definitely one of the things I have to work on. I tend to feel like I’m assuring him that I have things under control. He takes it as I’m over explaining things that have no bearing on his life. He knows I’ve got it. Sometimes I just can’t help but tell him though.
Verbal clutter …. very good! I will have to remember this. My Knight doesn’t really like clutter anywhere, home, car or office it makes since that he doesn’t want clutter in his mind. Thanks for the new way of looking at it Mandi.
My friend … husband … bought me a new handbag .. my favourite brand no less .. just because … I am so thankful that we are growing to know and love each other ‘better’ all this because I am learning what submission looks like …
Stellar. Awesome. Love the term, “growing.” 🙂
Nina, I saw your video on Women of Faith. I was really impressed by your description of your book. I am impressed by your blog. I see the Lord working in you in a very great way.
I pray that God would bless you in every possible way that He can bless you and what you are doing. Ephesians 3:20 God can do much more than even my prayer for you.
I am a guy–one of the few who are actual members of Women of Faith.
Stellar. 🙂 I so appreciate your prayers – and I’ve never claimed the book as mine – it is God’s project, one I hope not to mess up. 🙂 I cannot begin to tell you how that other guy is working overtime – and I know God’s allowing it, so I am trying to learn. It’s really hilarious that the book even exists – His idea, not mine, same with the blog.
I’m a trainer and speaker – spent years in a job I loved coaching executives to do the same… and here I am with this book. 🙂 And more writing to do. He has His ways, doesn’t He?
🙂 seriously, though, thank you so much for the encouragement. I really needed that today. You said you saw it at WOF – where? How? 🙂
Thank heaps, and blessings to you sir. Thank you again for taking a moment to encourage me.
Where I saw a video of you is If you go to the women of faith website. Then go to store. Then go to books. Then to non-fiction. Then to books on spiritual growth. Your book– The Respect Dare–pops up. Then click on your book and your book and a video comes up and when you click on the video they have you describing your book and how you were motivated to write the book and more.
I just watched the video again and it is very impressive. I can see Jesus in you strongly. I would think any woman who sees this would be truly inspired and helped in her marriage and probably want to buy your book as soon as possible.
The women of faith website is http://www.womenoffaith.com.
Correy and I have had the same conversation so many times. We go shopping together because we like getting to spend time with each other, but I usually try to make our times together more about things we both enjoy. If I need clothes, I take my mom, a girlfriend, or I go alone. Not that he is a bad sport, but I know he’d rather be doing something else.
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