Does Your Husband Seem Distant?
In the midst of all the news about Petraeus, some of us are wondering about our husbands… wondering if he seems distant. Don’t spend time there creating any issues, but if you have already noticed your husband is distant, we have a small thing that might be of help…
Ever notice how much of the Bible seems like a paradox? Some of the advice seems completely contrary to what makes sense…
I suppose that’s why it’s called a “faith journey.”
You know what I’m talking about… those passages where you hear things like:
- Whoever wants to be first will be last
- To live you must die
- The sorrowful will rejoice
- The poor will give others wealth
- If you sow in tears, you’ll reap in sheaves of joy
- Count all sufferings joy…
And this thing I’m going to suggest to you is going to seem like just the opposite of what you should do… and yes, there may be situations where it’s NOT what you want to do… but here goes anyway…
Touch your husband.
Like 3-5 times a day, hug him, tackle him, kiss the back of his neck, rub his shoulders, sit on his lap, hold his hand, whatever, but TOUCH HIM.
Here’s why: brain research on the bonding hormone, oxytocin, shows that your husband’s wired for daily depletion. He has very little of this hormone – he needs your help in building it up within him – and it’s the thing that makes him feel connected to you. GOBS of touch…and oh, yeah, there’s that other thing that will cause it to release. J That too. J
Help him connect by initiating touch. Even if it’s not his love language.
Dare ya!
Double dog dare you to make it part of every single day. It can make a difference.
Love to you!
~Nina
Sis –
Is he analytical? His perfectionism might be showing. Have you talked about this?
Sorry I’m just now getting to this – prayers your direction, girl.
N
Sis –
Is he analytical? His perfectionism might be showing. Have you talked about this?
Sorry I’m just now getting to this – prayers your direction, girl. 🙂
N
Me and my husband have been together for 15 years. The first 6 years were the most terrible years of my life. Literally. From affairs to drugs/alcohol abuse and physical abuse and him spending eveery dime we had on partying. God worked in his life and he did change and asked me to forgive him for all the past mistakes he had done. I did and chose to stay and work it out. I now find myself feeling so done. He lost his job over a year ago and decided to go into business for himself without discussing this with me. We are so broke at times, because with this is feast or famine. I am the only working full time and I don’t make enough to pay the bills and he knows I don’t. I feel so bad for getting so frustrated with him at times because it seems like for 15 years we have struggled because of him and decisions he has made and i am to the point of throwing my hands up in the air. It is very hard to respect him EVER. I am to the point I don’t even want to and when I do think I might start some of the exercises in the book, I have no desire. Help?
Dear Fed Up –
I am so sorry you are having a hard time right now, but know that God has sifted all these things through His hands and is in control, no matter how it looks to us mortals.
This is not about you and your husband, but about you and God. Pray this morning to see the situation the way God does. Obedience in the midst of difficulty breeds perseverance and mature faith. Hang in there, beautiful.
Love to you,
Nina
Hi Nina, I know I always come to you with questions, but you’re really good at this stuff, so here’s my question. I’ve recently realized that my husband puts me down several times a day. My cooking isn’t just right, the gift I got isn’t expensive enough, my outfit isn’t cute enough. It’s always little things, just small enough that I won’t really get mad and if there’s a problem or conflict he immediately get blamed. Many years, I’ve been trying to make him happy but I’ve gotten to the point where I think he does this just to make himself feel better and I don’t think it has much to do with what I have actually done. It happens so often that I just don’t believe him anymore and I think I need to look to my girlfriends and to God for validation of my worth. This leaves me in a tough spot in regards to submission, I find myself just not caring what he thinks and so I don’t want to try to make him happy. I’m worried that I’ll just harden to him and he will notice and not feel respected. I don’t know how to fix this.