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/ Avoid Divorce

I Can’t Do This Anymore…

And I’m not sure I can quit, either, but I will tell you that I’m not cut out for this.

Around 20 years ago, I was training another trainer.  The training plan had been dictated by corporate headquarters.  The way it worked was we were to “share” the class at the beginning, then my role was to dwindle so he could have more practice and experience.  The class participants knew this was the way it was supposed to go.  We reminded them of this several times.  We assured them their experience would not suffer. I was told very specifically that as the “trainer of the trainer” I was to accomplish two things: 1) make sure each class member got what they came to the class to learn, and 2) help the trainer, who’d earned the right to be where he was, move on to the next level. 

The reviews came back and we were chewed up, spit out, stomped on, and run over.  I found out that this is also typical, too, because the class doesn’t want to be put in the hands of a novice, and they invariably feel like they could have received more if the senior trainer had run the whole class.  The truth was, each class member got what they wanted, and the trainer moved on because he was really very good and deserved to do so.  The results all around were excellent, save the reviews.

While it helped somewhat that my boss let me know “the reviews were just typical in this situation,” I still had a shredded heart.  I had worked my fanny off for 15 weeks, the class had benefited, and at the end, I still just felt misunderstood and disliked by people we’d poured our hearts into helping. 

And honestly, I have just gone through something of a similar nature, with the same outcome, that has left me feeling the same, even though “the reviews were just typical in this situation,” too.  I knew ahead of time, even.  I even expected it.  He warned me, as I spent gobs of time, lots of resources, the end results were good, and He warned me that the reviews “would be typical” aka, not good.

But I still let mean words from Christian people slice through my armor of God, and because this went on so long, I ended up wrapping a piece of my identity up in the outcome. 

I allowed the joy of walking in His will to be stolen by those who were supposed to be the carriers of His Message of Love. 

And the entire experience has left me raw. 

So much so, that I’m having a hard time doing the next thing. 

I have gone from a gal who consistently said to her team, “No worries – if we aren’t ruffling a few feathers, we’re not doing what He’s asked us to do.  We’re not leading,” …to a gal who deeply feels the next harshly delivered word like a twisting fork in a freshly peeled scab…

And it’s been hard to blog, to post on Facebook®, to write at all.

And for a while, I even didn’t realize that I was hurt by their criticisms, or that I had allowed myself to wonder if what the reviews said about me were true.

While I know now that there’s no way that this could have gone well and we maybe shouldn’t have agreed to do it in the first place, God didn’t say we weren’t supposed to do it, and it was within the scope of our ministry work.

And while these Christians had no issues with our theology, in the end, as hard as we worked, we weren’t accepted.

I wasn’t accepted. 

And I felt small and incapable.

I spent about a month not knowing why I was having a hard time.  I hadn’t stopped doing all the things I was doing before, spending time with Him, reading His Word, praying, listening… but I felt disconnected or something… and I couldn’t shake it.  And worse yet, I lost my joy and can’t get it back.

So I sent out a plea to a married couple who lead a church that are friends of mine.  Wisely, they asked me a ton of questions, and dished some serious Truth my way.  And the husband pastor pointed out to me that I had been hurt by the words and the outcome.  He said I needed to come to terms with that… and forgive them.  Learn what I can learn, and forgive them.

And that I need to remember Whose I am and what He thinks of me.  Remember so deeply and strongly that I am literally unable to be hurt by another’s words.   

And I didn’t even know that I had forgotten.  Or that I’d been hurt.

But he’s right. 

So I’ve had my Very Long Good Cry. 

And have chosen to pray blessings upon the people who said all these things.  Right now, my heart still aches as I pray, “Help me forgive them, like Jesus forgives me, Father.  Help me love like that.  Help me BE Your Love such that I can’t be hurt by the words of those who hurt so much themselves that they say things in harsh and harmful ways… Help me discern Your ideas from the mean words, Oh, God.  Help me know what to do next, Lord, and give me the motivation to do it, because I just can’t anymore… I can’t stand up and be kicked again… and were it not disobedience for me to abandon my calling, I might, but when I think of myself right now, I see a fetal curled ball, bruised and bleeding by the sword tongues of those who could have Loved, and threw daggers instead… help me forgive and Love them, the Way You do… help me uncurl and stand up, and endure the blows and in the midst of them, help me Love the Way You do… just like Jesus, who said, ‘Forgive them Father, for they know not what they do..'” 

And somewhere along the line, I allowed the enemy to steal my joy. 

Yep, he’s got it, running around, flaunting it for all to see. I’ll admit it.  He’s done it.  I hate that I let him.  I didn’t even see it coming. 

So if you think of me, please pray I can SEE.  Pray I get over this hump. I have bought the lies of the enemy, and I know that, but everything I’ve done in the past to move on isn’t working. Pray I learn what I’m supposed to, even if that is that I need to be done – I’m wondering if my voice no longer needs to be added to those already out there. I see others doing what I’ve done, and think, “Why do I need to do this any longer? Let them.”

And pray for those who have listened to me, that they not fall into discouragement because of my failings. Sigh. That thought is the worst. And if that is you, please forgive me. I don’t know how to “rise above” at the moment, I cannot even see the higher road, and I’m so sorry. And perhaps it’s prideful on my part to even be concerned about any of this. I just don’t know. I can’t SEE right now, and my heart is heavy.

I don’t know how to be anything but what I am at the moment. I’m sorry it’s lame.

The only thing that made me write and post this is the recognition that some leaders, maybe not all, probably not all, some struggle. I know I am. Some of you need to know that, because you expect too much of us…I know I have been guilty of that in the past. And again, I’m really sorry.

And I dare you today to be kind to those who speak about Him and openly choose to live their faith in the open, for others to see, even when they are as imperfect as any human is going to be.  Your words have the power of life and death to them, and few choose to step up to the plate to swing because it is hard and takes extreme maturity, the likes of which I obviously don’t possess.  And yes, we need to be thick-skinned and lovingly deal with those who hurl insults our way out of their own pain.  We need to deal with those things without having a pity party. Maybe that’s what I’m doing. Please don’t come to it.

I just wish the thick-skinned part didn’t have to come from developing callouses and scabs from harshly inflicted wounds.

Ah, well.  His ways never have been our ways, have they? 

Glad to be on the journey with you. 

Love to you,

~Nina

68 Commments

  1. Hi Nina, I really relate to what you are saying, and I have been there for quite a while too. Just remember God is stronger, Remember all the promises in His words are for US!!! Especially Ps 27 In your presence you hide them from the intrigues of men, you keep them safe from the strife of tongues. This is true!!!!!!!!! Its hard but I’ve had to refocus on God again (which I needed to do) and so out of this we become stronger in Him. I love your blog. You are a precious sister. xxx

  2. Dearest Nina, you are one of my very favorite people! You’re so brave and have inspired me to be brave too. You have not failed by hurting deeply. You also love deeply and it shows in what you do. Thank you for persevering through this trial, which will end. Perseverance must finish its work so that you will be mature and complete not lacking anything. (James 1)
    Love to you dear sister in Christ,

  3. Pingback: Forgive Me… but I Have Sinned… | the respect dare … by nina roesner

  4. Nina, thank you for being so transparent and just yourself. I hear your agony and can relate to hearing hurtful words being thrown around by others. The enemy is sly and looks for any crack in which he can try to destroy us. But God is greater and He helps us remember and obey the truth. For example when you said, “Lord forgive them for they know not what they do.” This post hit home to me because these hurtful words and behaviors have been coming at me and I’ve been trying to correct them but I’m learning it’s not for me fix or correct. I must wait, obey, trust and rest in God’s ability and timing. I’ve caused myself some hurt by trying to usher this along in my way and timing but I don’t have to continue to let it be that way. I can still choose to be kind with my words and actions even if someone else is not. It’s not in my control what comes out of another person’s mouth but I can pray and be loving anyway. Wish I could say I always do that but I’m asking God to help me obey Him. I believe God has recently reminded me that if they hurt Him, then we too will be hurt by others. But I must forgive and learn to be obedient just as Christ was even when it was painful for him to do so.
    Thank you for being real and speaking your heart. You are an encouragement to me. You help me remember I’m not the only one going through these things. I believe something great is on the horizon, continue on girl because God is using you and you are needed.

    1. 🙂 THANK YOU Michelle. I am sorry you are going through these things, but may it all be for His glory! 🙂
      Love to you,
      Nina

  5. Dear Nina,
    You have been such a help to me. Your blog and the Respect Dare have inspired, encouraged and changed me. Thank you! I am praying for you. I am so sorry that you have been hurt. God bless you for sharing your pain.

    1. Thank you for your prayers, Cyndi. 🙂 They are much appreciated. I’m glad God used the book in your life – to God be the glory!
      Love to you,
      Nina

  6. Nina, I could have written this post myself just last week, after feeling stuck in this for almost a year. Painful sounds like the nice way to describe how it felt to me. Gut wrenching grief is what I actually felt. Grief for so many reasons… Thank you for sharing this! You (and I) are not alone! I did post a few things on my own blog sharing my heart recently on some of this. I’d love for you to read it!

    1. I’d love to read it, Melissa. 🙂 Can you send me a link to it? 🙂 I’m so sorry… believe me… I get it. 🙂 It IS hard. 🙂

  7. Pingback: Climbing Out of the Pit… | the respect dare … by nina roesner
  8. Pingback: Digging Out… | the respect dare … by nina roesner

  9. Thank you for sharing and being real. I have learned much from you and I know God will bring you through this to the other side! Love to you!

    1. He’s working it… not fast enough for me, 🙂 but there’s learning in the middle. 🙂
      Backatcha gorgeous!
      Nina

  10. Sweet Nina – I read this early this morning but was unable to reply. So many people have offered you amazing words today. I just want to say that I am thankful for your transparency in all that you say and do. The Bible shares with us the struggles of so many people and those are some of my favorite verses, the ones that let me know those people were flesh just like me. One of my favorites is Psalm 51:16-17; today I just happened to look to see what The Message translation had to say and I find it just lovely:
    ” Going through the motions doesn’t please you,
    a flawless performance is nothing to you.
    I learned God-worship
    when my pride was shattered.
    Heart-shattered lives ready for love
    don’t for a moment escape God’s notice.”
    Soak in His love, His joy will return to you. I pray that you are clothed with the Holy Spirit over the days to come. I anticipate the GREAT things that have received questionable reviews and I praise God for you! Much love sweet sister, thank you for inviting me on this journey!

  11. Sweet Nina – I read this early this morning but was unable to reply. So many people have offered you amazing words today. I just want to say that I am thankful for your transparency in all that you say and do. The Bible shares with us the struggles of so many people and those are some of my favorite verses, the ones that let me know those people were flesh just like me. One of my favorites is Psalm 51:16-17; today I just happened to look to see what The Message translation had to say and I find it just lovely:
    ” Going through the motions doesn’t please you,
    a flawless performance is nothing to you.
    I learned God-worship
    when my pride was shattered.
    Heart-shattered lives ready for love
    don’t for a moment escape God’s notice.”
    Soak in His love, His joy will return to you. I pray that you are clothed with the Holy Spirit over the days to come. I anticipate the GREAT things that have received questionable reviews and I praise God for you! Much love sweet sister, thank you for inviting me on this journey!

    1. I just came in from taking my kids to the pool… on the radio was that song, I don’t know the name, but the refrain spoke volumes to me… “I don’t want to go through the motions, I don’t want to live one more day, without Your all consuming passion inside of me…and I get home and am met with this from you. WOW. Nice. I am ready for love…my heart is destroyed. I do want to soak. 🙂 Thank you for taking time to love today. 🙂

      1. Only God can do that kind of thing! God-incidents we call them. Honored to be used and meet you on the path. Another great song … Never Once by Matt Redman – “scars and struggles on the way, still with JOY our hearts can say, never once did we ever walk alone, never once did You leave us on our own, You are faithful, God You are faithful!” <3

  12. I just want to remind you that His grace IS sufficient, and that when you are weak, He is strong! He is STILL doing great works in you and through you, even in this time! Growing definitely hurts sometimes. Thank you for your honesty and vulnerability. This is very encouraging to me!

  13. Just the other day MY HUSBAND commented on how thankful he was for you. What God is doing through you has had such a positive impact on so many of us. Hugs and prayers.

  14. Nina, my heart aches with you right now. A few things I want to leave you with that I’m sure you already know: the devil is a liar and don’t let him trick you into believing he can keep your joy. The joy of the Lord is your strength; many times I’ve felt similar to how you’ve described and the best advice I can give you is to worship the Lord, allow Him to minister to you as you minister to Him. Lastly (is that a word? I may have made it up;)), Job had his time where he couldn’t see the Lord working, yet he knew that God was at work. God is working on your behalf, though you might not see it right now, He is moving on your behalf. You said you see so many doing what you’re doing, but Nina, they aren’t you and they can’t do it the way you do. Your work for the Lord is special and your ministry has been a blessing and great help to me and my marriage. Thank you for your transparency and letting us into your world, allowing those of us who read your words to support you. You’re a good girl, Nina, you’re a good girl. With love and prayers..

    1. Heidi…yes, Nehemiah 8:10 or 10:8…it’s why I’m weak, as the joy is gone… He is doing His thing and I can’t see much of it right now, but it is coming… I choose to believe that…and thank you for the encouragement. I’m not good, tho…. He within me is, the only good is Him, even the desire to pursue Him is His alone… thank you, baby. Truth.

      1. That’s why you’re good though-because of your choice to allow Him to live and breathe and work in and through you. Psalm 125:4 says “Do good, O Lord, unto those that be good, and to them the are upright in their hearts.” You aren’t good because of you, but because of Jesus Christ, because of good choices made by His leading.. That’s why I say you’re good. 🙂

  15. Just a hug and prayers I can offer up for you:) To well I know how you may possibly be feeling. The faithfulness of God is something we can depend on. Allowing things like this that the Lord desires to you to strengthen and yes humble us. Lord bless you as you continue to serve

    1. I walked into the mens bathroom at church right after praying for humility… and yes, few things bring humbleness to heart than openly admitting struggles. BLEH. 🙂 Thank you for the hug and prayers! 🙂

  16. Dear Nina,
    I feel your pain, I have been there. But I am free and so are you! You are free to be the daughter that the Lord created you to be. Your words and message have helped me reevaluate my own life and my family is seeing a new mom and wife. But like anything good, satan always comes to kill, steal and destroy. I am so glad that we have read the final chapter and he is the one who will burn forever!!!! Give yourself the time you need to heal but please keep in touch with me. I love your post and was wanting to become a mentor for other women that I know need what God placed in you.

    Father God, I thank you for the calling on NIna’s life and I know that the enemy and those who might be jealous of her gift have come against her. Yet, I also know that your word says clearly that when the enemy comes in YOU oh, LORD, raise a standard against our enenmy. I thank you in advance for restoration in this life and that NIna will continue to be the blessing you have designed her to be. I also, forgive those who spoke in hast and didn’t follow your word to “be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to anger.” Bless all of us this day by your hand, in the matchless name of your son Jesus I pray.
    AMEN!

    1. I am thankful for this learning…okay, not yet, but I’m CHOOSING to be thankful for this learning… for this time… for this raising of the standard… and I know God is allowing this for my good. Lord, Forgive me for not appreciating it, for being a slow learner, for not choosing thankfulness and joy, for failing to be glad hearted because I’ve been thinking about the wrong things… Thank You, Father, for the encouragement poured out to me through these beautiful sisters. Help me not be in Your way. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

  17. Nina,
    I just wanted you to know you make a difference. I love to see your messages in my inbox. You can say the things that I didn’t know how to express. You are such a blessing to me and countless others. Thank you. To everything there is a season…. what season is it now for you? Blessings!

    1. I’ve chosen a season of wound-licking.

      And need to get into whatever season it’s supposed to be, because this one just has me stuck. Thank you for your kind words and encouragement.

  18. Nina, I can’t speak for everyone, but your words have touched me and many that I know as I’ve shared your posts and blogs. I am disgusted that so many that have called themselves Christians for so long can be so horrid and judgemental to leadership.

    It’s crazy, isn’t it? Satan knows our weaknesses better than we do. He knows what buttons to push, the soft spots to attack, and the wounds that he has already started to open and can hurt you so deeply it can feel like your soul has been removed through your spleen. Our enemy stalks us, hunts us like wounded birds, and thrives on our destruction.

    Yet, we are called to fight. Not with our own words, but with the sword of the Spirit that divides the soul and spirit, truth and lies, and punishes the wicked with their own traps. The battle is not to the strong; we will trust in the Most High God and in Jesus Christ who is our Advocate.

    Nina, I am so sorry that you are going through this. I pray that you are not going through this alone. You have spoken into and blessed so many about marriage, that I only hope that you allow yourself to crawl into your husband’s strength and let him fight for you and alongside you. I will most definitely pray for you and for those that hurt you.

    1. Thank you for your encouragement and prayers, Jennifer. There’s Truth and power there…trying to grasp it.

  19. Please don’t quit. I love reading your blog, your words just manage to cut through all the confusion and speak directly to me, often with something that I’m dealing with that very day. God is definitely using you in my life.

  20. I have been there, but with a different twist. My family went through a time of real trouble within our church because one of our children had rebelled with another family’s son. They were more established in the church and for whatever reason (God knows), we/she were shunned and not so with the other family. Twas hard to swallow. BUT because I knew we had not been what we should’ve been as parents, I purposed in my heart to allow God to do what He needed to do in each of our lives and even though that has been over 5 years ago, it still rips me up because I still consider that church to be my church family even though we have since moved and are in another church. I was saved there, I learned so much and loved serving the Lord with everyone. It is a unique church and I just can’t say anything else but that I gave my heart to them, my church FAMILY! Love really does provoke a spirit of forgiveness, no matter what and that is one thing the Lord showed me, and I sure do need to love more.
    It seems though, that I tend to find myself “suffering” for NOT doing right…I have thought of these verses so often, wishing I was on the side of suffering for doing right and think of them again for your sake, because it sounds like that’s what pertains to your current situation. I pray these verses are a blessing to you, comfort you and encourage you to go on for the glory of God. He is still at work in all of our lives, thankfully! God bless you, Nina!
    I Peter 4:7 – 19
    King James Version (KJV)

    7 But the end of all things is at hand: be ye therefore sober, and watch unto prayer.

    8 And above all things have fervent charity among yourselves: for charity shall cover the multitude of sins.

    9 Use hospitality one to another without grudging.

    10 As every man hath received the gift, even so minister the same one to another, as good stewards of the manifold grace of God.

    11 If any man speak, let him speak as the oracles of God; if any man minister, let him do it as of the ability which God giveth: that God in all things may be glorified through Jesus Christ, to whom be praise and dominion for ever and ever. Amen.

    12 Beloved, think it not strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened unto you:

    13 But rejoice, inasmuch as ye are partakers of Christ’s sufferings; that, when his glory shall be revealed, ye may be glad also with exceeding joy.

    14 If ye be reproached for the name of Christ, happy are ye; for the spirit of glory and of God resteth upon you: on their part he is evil spoken of, but on your part he is glorified.

    15 But let none of you suffer as a murderer, or as a thief, or as an evildoer, or as a busybody in other men’s matters.

    16 Yet if any man suffer as a Christian, let him not be ashamed; but let him glorify God on this behalf.

    17 For the time is come that judgment must begin at the house of God: and if it first begin at us, what shall the end be of them that obey not the gospel of God?

    18 And if the righteous scarcely be saved, where shall the ungodly and the sinner appear?

    19 Wherefore let them that suffer according to the will of God commit the keeping of their souls to him in well doing, as unto a faithful Creator.

    1. I wondered if I should be where I’m at with the blog… and while all of these speak volumes to me and are familiar, I hadn’t remembered 1 Peter 4:16. I was, and maybe still am, ashamed that I’ve allowed myself to get to this place… especially over something as seemingly small as others’ words… it’s not like I’ve been flogged publicly, for crying out loud. But there’s glory in here somewhere. Trying to SEE.

      1. It’s sometimes the small things we trip and fall over because we don’t see them; we can step around the big things, unless we keep bumping into them because we don’t do anything with them; like “put it away”, and keep bumping into them and bruising the same places, etc. etc. (I’m preaching to me right now!)
        But I did think of this verse: I Cor. 10:13 There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.

        Even being tempted to give up. Isn’t that a great comfort? For you, God…will make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it! So keep looking, Nina, can’t wait to see what He is gonna show you! And please let us know, OK?

        1. Denise – Oh, I long for escape from myself and that other guy’s schemes. And be smarter. And He is starting to bring things to light… Of course I’ll let you know… I posted out of obedience, and I desperately hope there’s Some Great Learning Revealed that He plans to share, as well. Sometimes I feel like a big dufus living life out loud like this, but it seems to be what He’s asked me to do at the moment.

    2. To be clear, I think you have had the priviledge for suffering for righteousness’ sake, I’M the one who tends to suffer for messing up…

      1. Believe me, I think there’s some “messing up” in here, too, for me. Praying He reveals things gently but clearly. 🙂 We’re all the same, Denise. Not one of us is righteous, not one…so sayeth our Lord, via Paul.

        1. Truth. And He loves us and is faithful to us and promises never to leave us nor forsake us. We love Him because He first loved us. Amazing grace, how sweet the sound… Be of good cheer, He has overcome the world! And we could go on and on because… there are also many other things which Jesus did, the which, if they should be written every one, I suppose that even the world itself could not contain the books that should be written. Amen. (John 21:25) God bless you, my friend!

  21. Nina I don’t know if you will remember me but I have messaged you several times. Me and my husband are separated and he is in another state at the moment. You have messaged me back on each occasion and your encouraging words were exactly what God had for me at that moment. After reading this blog, I had to write this and encourage you. You have been such a blessing to me and your book “the Respect Dare” has taught me so much. At the moment I still do not know what is going to happen with me and my husband but I know
    God has it in his hands and “the latter will be greater than the former”. Your ministry is strengthening so many marriages and encouraging so many women to strive for all God has for them! Know you have so many praying for you and your ministry!
    Tahwana Gillman

  22. Nina- I am praying for you. I have found that when we are doing EXACTLY what God wants us to Satan attacks us the most. That is what happens to my husband and I who are in ministry together. Your blog posts hit me right in the heart every time you write. God uses you and your writing to teach me, humble me, reprimand me, and show me His love and mercy. Discouragement is the enemies favorite tool in women.

  23. Dear One Lead by God:
    “The Lord will guide you continually, and safisfy your soul in drought, and strengthen your bones; you shall be like a watered garden, and like a spring of water, whose waters do not fail.” Isaiah 58:11, NKJV

    Love, Sue

  24. Nina, I feel and had felt that anguish and have questioned “why”. I was very caught up in the this is “mine” and “you” don’t understand mentality, etc. The anger, hurt, depression, crying, affected me and my marriage. I almost lost everything! Honestly it was YOUR blog and YOUR Facebook page that helped me realize I needed to ‘trust’ my husband and respect him and allow him to help me make some difficult decisions instead of do my own thing. Boy was that hard, but oh so worth it!!! I have forgiven the ‘mean’ people for the most part—I still have my moments, it is a work in progress and a learning experience. You WILL get through this! Rely on your faith, your husband, and other spiritual leaders around you. We are all human! I am almost to the ‘other-side’ so to speak and I have to say I can see why God needed to work on me in this way. I will continue to pray for you as you go through this chapter.

    1. Thank you so much for your prayers, Jessica. I’m glad God blessed you through this. I appreciate your encouragement.

  25. Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called when you made your good confession in the presence of many witnesses. 1 Timothy 6:12
    2 Corinthians 9:13 Because of the service by which you have proved yourselves, men will praise God for the obedience that accompanies your confession of the gospel of Christ, and for your generosity in sharing with them and with everyone else.
    Colossians 3:15 Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful.

  26. Nina – remember what James said about being a teacher (James 3:1). I’m sure it’s not much in the consolation department, but remember that whenever good is being done in God’s name – there will be those who will try to stop you. I will pray that whenever you feel this burden, you remember that there are so many others out there who are happy to help uplift you.

  27. Praying for you. I am so blessed by you and your ministry. Do not lose heart. Hang onto the Truth, and don’t take your eyes off of Him. It’s all for Him, anyways, and He will never leave you nor forsake you. Blessings to you!

    1. It is all His. I was wrong to allow any part of “me” to get tied up in it. Bleh.

  28. Hi Nina, today you expressed what I feel inside although we’re not in the same situation… I will pray for you, please also pray for me? The thing I can’t handle anymore is my adoptive son lying to me… The lies get craftier and I can’t always see through it…. And I don’t handle it well at all… He not only lies about stuff he wants to hide from me, but started lying to impress me and make me say I’m proud of him…. I feel like a total failure – as a mother, as a Christian as a leader… How do you love without trust? How do you trust when there is no honesty? My heart gets broken and trampled upon daily and I struggle to keep standing…

    1. Christa – I’m so sorry. I really really am. I’m not handling it well, either. Somehow we need to get past this place. God gave me 1 Thessalonians 5:16-19 today … it was crazy, it was incessant, and only came after I put up the post… so I pray that the words here from all these beautiful people, that you take them to heart for yourself as well… Truth is Truth. Prayers for you, baby.

  29. I found myself knowing what you would say next because i am here. And it ruined my birth experience and has almost destroyed our marriage. We are not out of the woods because we have just realized what you have realized and are only now making moves to physically move away from the source. And with the probable post partum on top…..it is making for a sticky black hole, every light turns out to be a train, experience.

    1. Jessica – I’m so sorry. It’s all tough enough without the post partum junk. Been there too, Bleh. I pray these gifts from the saints work their way into your heart, as they are mine, may you find what He wants you to know here, too. Love to you, darlin’.

  30. Nina,
    Just know that through your Dare to Respect book/chanellge my marriage was saved. My journey was so similar to yours and my views on respect and submission so off track. But through the dare to respect challenge I have begun to learn how to truly and Biblically respect and submit to my husband. I also am feeling called to help others around me learn this truth. So many of my friends are in rocky marriages due to this worldly version of marriage roles. I don’t know what others are saying to or about you, but just know that your book and your blog have been an amazing support for me and have changed my life an view on my role as a wife. I’m praying for you.

    1. Thank you for your prayers, Jen. Glad He’s using you, and that you are sharing what He’s done.

  31. Nina,
    I am so thankful to God for you and your work. God used you to help me grow in my faith and marriage.
    I know that those who stand for God’s truth will be persecuted. But those cutting words do hurt most when they come from other believers.

    Lord,
    I lift Nina Roesner to You today. Remove every scheme of SAtan who desires to destroy her and her work in Your kingdom. Give her strength, and Your Spirit of boldness and courage to continue the battle for building godly marriages! If the body of Christ does not have godly marriages, we have NOTHING to offer the world of value. Our marriages ate to display the very deep mystery of Christ and His church. We HAVE to get this right by Your wisdom and power. Please send more workers to build up Your church and marriages. And give Nina strength, wisdom, direction and the power of Your Spirit to do what You desire her to do!
    In the Name and Power of Christ,
    Amen!

    1. Thank you for your prayer. I desperately need all that. And to get out of my own way. 🙂 Or maybe I’m in His way… you know what I mean.

  32. I am not much of a prayer warrior but your post touched me. I am praying for you. Thank you for sharing.

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