Philippians 4:8 Finally, brothers, whatever is true…
The first 20 minutes of this morning were spent being smacked upside the head with the obvious, which unfortunately, I’ve ignored too often.
I woke to fresh ground brewed coffee that my husband made before he left for work. I noticed he made more than what he would drink, but also made some for me.
It’s summer, and I’m recovering from an illness and an injury, so I slept past normal time, then after my coffee, donned the running shoes and athletic clothes my husband gave me, and hopped in the van he purchased for me to drive, and went to walk for an hour with a girlfriend.
I had the luxury of not having to rush out to a job because my husband provides for us – and because we live within our means.
I knew my kids were safe in our house, even though I forgot to turn off our internet, because my husband painstakingly researched and installed several different layers of internet security and safety programs…which he also pays for.
My 16 year old was comfortable with being in charge, because my husband has taught him to be responsible, and endure challenges with siblings because it is the right thing to do. I grew up pretty much as an only child – my sister is 16 years older than I am, so I have no clue what he means by that from an experiential standpoint.
Today, the Lord reminded me that what is TRUE, is that our men often DO many things they never receive very much credit for, and they don’t whine, complain, or experience dissatisfaction (generally speaking) over. They go to jobs they don’t like to pay for things they don’t even participate in…for us and for our kids.
I used to work full time. Then I worked 10-20 hours a week. Both were jobs I had the privilege of loving.
And while the money was nice, it wasn’t the reason I worked, thankfully.
Many of our husbands do work they don’t enjoy to provide benefits for us and their kids that they never even experience.
Dare you today to NOTICE.
Please don’t be offended by this if you are working full or part time and taking care of the domestic stuff, and feel like your husband is doing nothing. I know what it feels like to be empty in a marriage. But may I ever so gently, lovingly, warmly, convey that there is something that maybe you (like me, long ago) just don’t understand?
There was a time that I would have said my husband didn’t do anything. That I had to do it all…I felt deeply ALONE in my marriage…ached for connection with my husband, and what happened is God changed me first, and what’s amazing is that I can now see how my husband is also growing.
Truth is, I was blind and didn’t know it.
These men we live with have their own journey, and God has His own timing. We have to stay out of the way of that, or we will be delaying the blessings that await us in marriage.
And there’s learning for US in the middle of it, too.
I assure you He (and he) is doing something. Just because you can’t see it, doesn’t mean it’s not there.
One of my favorite things about Daughters of Sarah® and The Respect Dare book is that God helps us see these things through them.
One big learning is if our husband is doing less than he used to, know this may be due to the sad thing we see very often – he’s given up because he feels like he can’t do anything right anyway, so why bother? (Due to the sarcasm, criticism, judgment, and unreasonable expectations of his wife – and granted, his sin is still his sin, but why not be a help versus a hindrance to another’s growth? Isn’t that what being a friend is all about? Remember too, that we’re called to be “helpers” and “friends” to our husbands…how would you want to be treated by your best friend? Around 85% of men only have 1-3 friends and they deeply want their wives to be one of them.)
And please don’t think I’m some invisible house maid whose only role is domestic support and nose-wiping. Yes, I gave up the corporate ladder for diapers, and yes, I gave up the prestige of position as defined by our culture to one defined by my God. I am “the glue that holds our family together” to quote my husband. Raising kids and caring for a home is not for the faint of heart! It’s work. And I’ve gone from being alone and aching to being a huge influencer and key player in how Team Roesner does marriage and family. My husband values my opinion, and asks for it regularly, as I do with him. And it didn’t used to be like that, from either of us. Regardless of what “title” you want to place on these things, (complementarian, egalitarian, patriarchical, feminist – all of which aren’t fully understood or demonstrated well and could be debated –and have been- for centuries) what matters is what God has done. I have the intimacy I longed for in marriage. My husband has a partner that supports and encourages and respects him. And you can have a beautiful marriage, too. But it won’t happen if you allow yourself to model what you see on secular culture’s tv or in the magazine stand at grocery checkout. Those are lies. We’re also buying Christian-culture lies if we subscribe to the notion that women are to be doormats and second-class citizens in a marriage.
Dare you to ask God to help you SEE today, “whatever is true” from Philippians 4:8. It may humble you and bring you weeping to your knees.
Double dog dare you to view your husband the way God does, as precious, important, and valuable – even if you are struggling in your marriage. And remember how Christ struggled and suffered, yet persevered, and loved in the midst of all of it.
Triple dog dare you to be a Titus 2 woman of influence today, and comment or share to help others start figuring these things out as well!
Love to you.
So thankful you are on the journey with me!