Got Questions?
When I asked God the other day what I should do over the summer, He fairly clearly responded with leading me. I know I’m supposed to do a follow up “study guide” for the books we use in Daughters of Sarah and post them here for the gals whose small groups are continuing on… and then I started wondering about “questions.”
So I asked Him if He wanted me to entertain questions, even though I might not have the answers, but in an effort to really help wives in a different way. SO, of course, yesterday AND the day before, I started receiving questions about respect and being a godly wife via email.
I don’t believe in coincidences.
So, in an effort to get His Truth out there, and spur you on in the most helpful way possible, we’re going to open things up. The rest of this week, I’ll be collecting questions. You can post them anonymously here, or you can send them via email at Information (at) GreaterImpact.org .
And if you are a wise wife, someone of Titus 2 caliber, we’re going to ask you to feel free to share your experiences and Scripture (always be sure to share the Scripture!) as we join hands on this part of the path.
Because I don’t pretend to have all the answers. J Sometimes, He has me just facilitate the discussion. Sometimes He shares a nugget to pass along (Jeremiah 33:2,3). Regardless, let’s get to it! We’ll start posting responses next week.
Thanks for being on the journey with me. I love your company!
Love to you,
~Nina
My husband & I recently moved away from our 2 daughters & their families (about 3 hrs away from one & 6 hrs away from the other) It was difficult, but we both are certain that this new “home” is exactly where the Lord wants us to be right now. We are putting down roots & adjusting, but my heart still aches – missing the grandbabies so very much. What i want to share w/ you is that my husband has been quite reluctant to let me go spend a few days at a time w/ our children & the grandbabies. I want to go see both of their families for 2-4 days each month, but husby sees this as my not settling down here & leaving him lonely so often. After some begrudging visits in the first several months, i have realized that i need to cheerfully & trustingly submit to my husband’s wishes, and ask the Lord to give him a more understanding heart towards my love for them, and this does not mean “I love them more that him, etc.” I have tried to remain focused on pleasing the “Audience of One” and becoming more attentive & reactive to what HE is telling me. Anyway, a week or so ago, my husband suggested – out of the blue! – that “wouldn’t i like to go visit one of the kids?!” Praise the Lord! The Holy Spirit is so much more convincing than I could ever be – ha!
(Pls don’t use my name – i’m not very computer literate, and don’t know how to make this response appear anonymous!)
Oh AMEN, Lynda! Wisdom in action. Sweet. Thanks so much for this encouraging note! 🙂
How do you restart the communication, not the “who picks up which kid when”, but the “what do you really feel, think, want”? We’ve reached a point where the tension has started to drop. I have gingerly started sharing more, but am met with silence although I have seen a few small changes. I try to be encouraging. I really love reading this blog, even when it makes me uncomfortable. I have learned so much and I like the person I am becoming. May God continue to bless you with just the right words to write.
I came across your info by coincidence 🙂 and have ordered your book. I don’t know if this question may be covered in the book…
My husband is a good, god-fearing man & has always done his best for me & our family. He still is – except that something else is going on. I suspect what I’m seeing is the beginning of Alzheimers. It’s like having Dr Jeckle/ Mr Hyde under one roof. Some days he is the man I know, other days he is a mean-spirited contentious person who is angry about everything. He is in good health, takes no meds & getting him to a Dr for tests is not possible at this time.
Helen (not my real name – at this point I don’t need others knowing)
Helen –
SO sorry to hear this… but it does sound like something is going on… I would pray for God to open a door for medical evaluation. I am not a physician, but if your man is changing, and you are concerned about Alzheimers, I would encourage you to pray for an open door and walk through it when you sense God’s leading.
Praying for you over here, sister.
Love to you,
~Nina
What do you do when it all falls apart? When you’ve got so far out of line that you find yourself standing in the middle of your living room on a crying jag doing all of the things you’re not supposed to be doing and saying things that you can’t unsay? Where you’re just so done that you can’t even be bothered to play Bibliomancy by doing a random verse open to try to pull something out of it and have nothing to offer but don’t have the option or the support to call it quits?
I’m a single mom with no family starting over with my daughter. I’ve been blessed to find a man who fits the glory of God, glory of man ideal and who has been through the same things as I. I’m working double time to repair the damage of 15 years of a full gamut abuse relationship and contain the damage from the fallout of divorce. The Respect Dare has been PIVOTAL in helping me to identify places where I need to make myself more accountable to a higher standard and a higher power and is helping me sit on my hands and to build solid from the ground up.
I am trying but my reach exceeds my grasp sometimes. It’s so hard to get the straight jacket on my inner novella believing emotional twelve year old – especially under stress. That girl kicks like a mule and bites like a crocodile and some days it’s all I can do to subdue her lets she get a hold of my old man.
It usually hits when I’ve had to tough it out on my own for a few days because he’s not available at the moment that the sand in my emotional hourglass runs out. Any suggestions before I drive a poor guy out of his gourd or to ducking and covering when I have a Jekyll and Hyde moment?
Psalm 46:10
Be still and know that I am God.
insert long pause.
STOP. Yes. Sit on your hands. Start doing the Proverbs for the day, ie, tomorrow is the 9th, so read Proverbs 9. BEG God to help you understand, be, do, know, live. And the first step is always silence.
Not because we are unworthy to speak…
But because we can’t hear His teachings over our own inner and outer voices.
Your man is not your God. He never will be. And as wonderful and patient, and loving as he is, he is a sinner, just like you.
Just like me.
God wants you to lean on Him. ONLY. And recognize that this man you love is also on his own journey, and like you, will disappoint, so don’t even go there in the first place.
But rather, first, be still. Know. Spend a year just focussed on THAT, and don’t say another thing that’s not infused with His love until you have your own Isaiah and Abraham moments… until you realize the What and Who you are dealing with – and in THAT, you will then be so changed that you will have understanding that brings peace, joy, comfort, and mentors other women.
She who can be trusted with little can be trusted with much… Luke 16:10.
Love to you,
Glad you are on the journey…
~NIna
My husband took my book, read what i am supposed to do, be, how act…. and is now emotionally, verbally, and psychologically abusing me with even more ‘failures’ in addition to the things he creates in his mind. The children are allienated from their father and now even my attempts to be respectful and honor his wishes are met with accusations from the children. I have been told by councillors that i have ‘abused woman’ syndrome becaue i try to look at anything possitive as encouraging and hopeful. I know God is able but sometimes I doubt that I will survive.
OH. Katy.
Sigh.
Sometimes these men just make me so sad.
I’m sorry…so so sorry…
But, take courage, dear sister.
Your tears are not going un-noticed.
1 Peter 2 & 3.
Dr. Kevin Leman, “Have A New Husband by Friday.”
And if the Spirit leads you – IF He leads you – leave. Be safe.
Or stay, if you are led.
Know you are treasured and supported, no matter what your decision, but obey His Word, His teachings, and there ARE those verses in 1 Cor 7:10,11 which imply that a wife will sometimes leave, and there are purposes for that.
Praying for you, beautiful.
Love to you,
~Nina
I’m on day 39 does the verse about 70×7 time for forgiveness mean for the same problem?? How do I move from forgiving to forgetting?
Colleen! You are gorgeous! Welcome to the journey.
Yes, we are to forgive. Yes, for the same offense. Yes, that many times.
UGH.
🙂
I’ve come to the place, however, that I realize more and more how necessary forgiveness is, and apology. I literally can’t get through a day without apologizing to the people I live with…yep, I sin that much. 🙂 pathetic, I know, but alas, the more I know about Him, and know Him, the more I realize just how far away from the mark I am – and will always be, even though the average person might say I’m “good.” 🙂
You don’t forget, btw. You can’t.
Christ can put our sins under His blood so we can be with the Father, but us humans, well, we don’t forget. At least not until our memories sour in menopause… 🙂 but that’s okay. Not forgetting means we don’t fully give our hearts to another sinner to make us happy, healthy, and whole. We need to instead give our hearts fully to God, so He can heal us, and then we can be joy filled, healthy, and whole, such that we can be in relationships that don’t destroy us – because these other people who wound us are sinners just like we are. 🙂
Forgiveness is God’s gift to us – we are to ask His help in this, because it IS hard, however, NOT forgiving is like trying to wound someone else by drinking poison ourselves…WE wind up bitter and resentful. Forgiveness is one of those “life abundant” things Christ brought as a gift.
Love to you, dear heart. Pray. Ask. Seek. You will receive, and in that, you can then extend. Phil 4:8-13.
~Nina
… I say this because I have been in your shoes…still am… I pray that my positive response to my husband’s ‘less than sincere efforts’ will encourage him… so I just thank God for every small thing, and ask Him to bless my husband.
Sue, you are right on – and YES, this IS the work of the Spirit! Prayer is so important! 🙂
Love to you,
~Nina
I have finished The Respect Dare and I am seeing changes in my home…especially in me. God is showing me where I need to do things differently and I am glad.
My question is this though…When the hurt and accusations go so deep and now there is beginning to be compliments and attempts to show love in return…how do I know if they are real or just said out of obligation? It seems like it is not always from the heart. I know that God does change things…I just want to know how do I know they are real?
We need to be thankful for the little things… like the beginning attempts at compliments… they’re not natural, and may sound forced, but he is trying…. and you response to his efforts may make all the difference between being an obligation and coming from the heart. be careful not to discourage him by disrespectfully questioning his intentions. 😉
Mikelle, I so understand, and I think you are very brave! 🙂 Congratulations on being a godly wife who pursues Him.
For me, I had to remember God’s forgiveness and grace towards ME, and remember also that He didn’t send Christ to judge the world, but rather so we could live abundantly – which you are beginning to see the beginnings of. So I also needed to remind myself that it wasn’t my place to judge, either. SO, take the small things, and be encouraging. Be appreciative – he is at least doing SOMETHING, and is learning how to be confident in demonstrating his love, even if it is awkward. It doesn’t matter if he truly feels it yet – many of us do the Respect Dare and aren’t feeling it yet – but sometimes feelings follow actions and sometimes it’s the other way around. Regardless it doesn’t matter – the fact that he is doing ANYTHING says your marriage is real to him, he also wants to improve, and he is trying. Don’t judge. Let him be on his own journey. In God’s timing, He will reveal the joy in the giving, and the blessings of loving well to both of you! 🙂 And you will still both face bumps – especially since progress is occuring! Watch out for that other guy – he wants to destroy.
YOU are just beautiful!! 🙂
Love to you,
~Nina
Thank you Nina for your encouraging words. Sometimes it helps to know I am not alone in this journey.
Oh, Mikelle, you are never alone. 🙂 God is always with us, sometimes we have trouble hearing Him, so He speaks through sisters on the same journey, or “coincidences,” but He’s always speaking through His Word. Be blessed. Take courage.
Love to you,
~Nina