Wife wants something done by husband. Or teenage son.
The conversation typically goes, “If you have time to do XYZ, that would be awesome…”
Or, “It would make me happy if you did XYZ…”
Or, “It would be helpful if you took care of XYZ…”
She’s trying not to be bossy.
She’s trying to be respectful and not naggy.
She doesn’t realize what he hears with all of those is (this is a generality, mind you, not true in every case, and about 15% of men don’t have this response…) much different.
She thinks she is asking him to do something.
What he thinks she is saying is, “If you are bored, and have time, and feel like it, could you…” and merely providing an option to the multitude of options he currently has of how to spend his time over the next few hours.
Not sure why men (generally, again) think this way, but without fail, the ones I question about it all tell me the same thing.
“If she wants me to do something, be direct. Say, ‘Can you please do XYZ before such and so time?'” Be direct.
When we don’t ask for help in this way, we can actually cause conflict by creating opportunity for an unmet expectation.
We expect it done.
He doesn’t know that. (Yes, I know that seems weird, and no, it’s not what a woman would hear, and as soon as I understand this more, I will share! All I know is what is true. And I trust God and the hearts of the men in my life to let that be enough for now. I’m disabled. My guys aren’t so mean as to intentionally cause me pain or extra work. But even knowing that, they still need me to be direct with them…)
Dare you today to be respectful by being direct with the men in your life. “I need help with XYZ. Will you do it for me today, please?”
It doesn’t make you “less than.” It’s not being rude. It’s speaking their language. 🙂
And best of all, it avoids creating conflict.
Maybe your guy is super-charged with compassion and this isn’t an issue for you. Maybe your guy is rude back and ignores all requests. If the latter, read “Have a New Husband by Friday,” By Dr. Kevin Leman – the first chapters are on respect – so get help there first, THEN try the rest of the methods. Men who feel respected by their wives typically don’t have issues doing things when we ask them to…and notice that they are the ones who determine if they feel respected – Double Dog Dare you to actually ASK your husband if he feels respected by you… 🙂
Thankful to be on the journey with you,
Love to you,