Are You Feeling Discouraged?
I opened my Facebook today to find a message from a single gal that I’ve had the pleasure of knowing for many years. She’s a delightful young lady. Apparently, even though she’s single, she’s seen His message in the midst of what He has me doing, and wanted to let me know that today.
Her kind words melted my heart and brought tears to my eyes.
Seems like secular business isn’t the only place people only talk to you if there’s a problem…ministry is fraught with injurous communication, much of it hurtful, under the guise of “speaking the Truth in love.”
A friend of mine let me know once that a guest of hers at a coffee she hosted actually said to her, “Speaking the truth in love, I just want you to know your little rug in your bathroom doesn’t match the wallpaper.”
Recently, I’ve experienced a few of these types of comments, one in particular that stings the most was about “The Respect Dare.” “Those stories aren’t true – there’s no way xyz and xyz actually happened to someone.”
What the reader didn’t know was that the stories were true – and that they happened to me.
I was tempted to wallow in self-pity at being called a liar, which cut my heart to the quick. It’s tough to stay encouraged in your calling when the arrow slingers are supposed to be your team mates.
At any rate, my encouragement-parched soul lapped up my sweet friend’s encouragement via Facebook message today. My husband gone, our ministry team swamped, and lots of end-of-the-school-year deadlines to meet, I desperately needed some encouragement.
And God knew.
And my sweet sister allowed Him to love me through her.
In all of the training classes we do, we teach people how to affirm, and have them do it. Not a lot, but I have been told that “forcing” our class members to give affirmation is insincere and basically wrong. I disagree. Yes, it’s uncomfortable if you aren’t used to doing it. But so is anything new. If I waited til I “felt like” respecting my husband, I would have waited a long time because my feelings were reflecting my perceptions, which were wrong – God’s Word is God’s Word. It’s True, and worthy of obedience whether I feel like it or not.
And think about all the communication you muddle through and experience in a given day – how much of it spurs you on? My guess is that you, like most people, are not feeling “over-appreciated.” The Bible is very clear that we should spur each other on, encourage one another, build each other up…check here for more on that…
Unfortunately, we seldom give people the benefit of the doubt, rarely ask a question to clarify, and more often than not, get too much of our exercise by jumping to conclusions – all of which is relatively discouraging to experience.
What’s amazing is the way He designed encouragement – if we would but do it, we would also discover WE get filled as well – not that this should ever be reason to do it, but it is a wonderful side benefit. But that’s just like Him. 🙂
This afternoon, I finally had the opportunity to get out in a field on the back of a horse. God used that time to personally encourage me through His creation. I too often forget to take care of myself and do the things that fill me up – and physically benefit me. Riding horses helps my hip pain. And it’s good for my soul. And it’s better than a computer any day. 🙂
Dare you today to do two things: 1) intentionally encourage and affirm someone, and 2) do something to take care of yourself (not being selfish, but caring for the temple). Double dog dare you to make those things habits.
It’s good for the Kingdom. 🙂
And it gives feet to your faith.
Glad to be on the journey with you. 🙂
Love to you,
~Nina
Nina,
Having personally taken your course online, let me say, keep doing what you are doing. You and your ministry are much needed to fulfill the Titus 2 charge. I value your blog posts and thought the class was a God-send
Love and hugs,
Jerrica
Thanks so much, Jerrica! 🙂 Backatcha beautiful! 🙂
Nina
Nina,
Aww! Thanks for subscribing to my little blog, Nina! I was hit in the stomach with the concept of respect when I read Love and Respect by Dr Eggerichs 3.5 years ago. It dawned on me that I had actually been a REALLY disrespectful wife. I had always thought I was respectul – i didn’t yell, throw things, call my husband names or cuss at him (I never cuss at all!)… And when he really pushed an issue, I went along with him – albeit begrudgingly. But for the first time I realized that my critical spirit, my taking control ,my negativity, my lack of praise and encouragement and respect were what had cost me the intimacy I longed for. All those 15 years I thought if only HE would change things would be great! But God changed me! I was determined to be the most respectful wife on the planet, and to make my husband feel like the most respected husband on the planet. I read The Surrendered Wife by Laura Doyle- and I really needed the practical advice she gave – it was great for me to have ideas to bounce off of my husband. At first, HE didn’t know what was respectful or disrespectful and I sure didn’t know! It felt like learning a foreign language. Every book I read helped me learn more and more. Your book gave me so many practical ideas. I LOVED the stories of wives and looked forward so much to each day’s new dare. I was really sad when the dares were over. I want to always keep learning more about respect. Your book came at a time that I really felt like I needed “Respect 101” or “Respect for Dummies.” I totally did NOT get it. I had to ask my husband for months, “Was that respectful? Was what I said disrespectful just now? Do you feel respected?” I had no idea what respect looked like to him, and I was SO happy to finally find out that he actually needed something from me that I could learn to give. I gave him tons of LOVE, but that didn’t meet his needs – and he never once told me I was disrespectful. When I would ask what he needed from me – he couldn’t voice what it was. And I sure didn’t read his mind well! I LOVE being at peace every day, filled with God’s spirit, truly feminine for the first time in my life, and I love knowing my power as a woman in marriage – how it stems from my respect, admiration and willingness to cooperate with my husband’s leadership. These are NOT popular topics at all. I know that many women get VERY angry about respect and biblical submission… but they are the things that will bring us the most fulfillment, peace and joy! So please, I implore you, continue your work! Other women are still unaware of all of these incredible secrets and are suffering in their marriages! Husbands and children are suffering, too. They will ALL greatly benefit when women read your material that points them to God’s ways!
I’d love for you to check out the Christian Marriage Blogger’s Association at http://www.upliftingmarriages.com. You can apply to be a member if you’d like. Other Christians who blog about marriages are there and offer technical support, prayer support and encouragement to fellow bloggers. I think you’d love it! This is a new group that is still forming. It is already so amazing to have a network of strong believers ready to pray with you and for you and to help support your posts.
Praying for God’s wisdom, strength, empowerment, direction, peace and joy as you serve Him so faithfully!
With love,
Your sister in Christ
April
Thanks heaps, gorgeous! Thank you for sharing your testimony! 🙂 I’ll check out the group. 🙂
The message you teach women is so urgently needed! I am very grateful for your work! Our fight is not against flesh and none but against principalities, powers and forces in the heavenly realms. I pray the women who react in anger to your message might have their own wake up call to the importance of respect like I did 3 years ago. I went from being in control, overwhelmed, afraid, and lonely to being at peace every day, knowing the power of godly femininity, having the marriage of my dreams and being closer to God than ever before! Your Respect Dare helped me get to this glorious place! Now I blog about respect, godly femininity, and biblical submission AND my HUSBAND blogs for men as the respected husband!?!? MY Husband! I am in awe of all God has done! Praying for your important ministry! Women need a lot of practical help learning the language of respect, it is so foreign! Thank you for what you do! You are making a huge eternal difference! http://Www.peacefulwife.com
Thank you, Peacefulwife. I’m in awe also – and it’s those that take a moment to let me know what He’s doing, like you, and my sweet friend this morning, and a few others along the way, that spur me on.
I subscribed to your blog just now, just so I can remember every time I see a post from you that God can use sisters to encourage each other if we will but choose THAT path, versus choosing judgment, criticism, and condemnation.
Love to you,
~Nina