How to Start a Fight…
9:15pm. Neighbor’s dogs barking.
A lot.
“How long has that racket been going on?” I asked, closing the door to the basement, as I emerged from the quietest spot in the house.
“Two hours or so,” came sick-all-day-half-comatose-on-couch-husband’s reply. “Maybe longer,” said the son.
Hmmm…
9:33pm. “SHUT UP!!!” screamed the son of the dog owners out his own window, at his own dogs.
9:45pm. “Mommy, they won’t stop,” whined the 10 year old trying to sleep.
9:55pm.
Ring the doorbell. (I don’t know their last name – and I lost the piece of paper with their phone number on it).
Woman comes to the door. “What?”
“Hi. I’m Nina Roesner, I live over there, your dogs have been barking for about two hours, can you bring them in?”
“I’ve been home for only an hour! There’s no way they’ve been barking that long!”
That might be true, given the state of the source of my information.
The dogs are literally coming unhinged, howling non-stop.
It’s very loud.
I stand there a moment.
“Okay. Well, regardless, it’s late, my kids can’t get to sleep because of them, and all the neighbors around us have kids who have school tomorrow. Can you just put them inside?”
“Well, I’ve been home for an hour. There’s no way they’ve been barking that long! I would know – I got home an hour ago!” she yells at me, clearly upset.
“Uhm, okay, whatever, but
can you just take care of them now anyway?”
“FINE.” Door slams.
I turn away and walk home to go to bed. That could have gone better. Maybe if I’d been warmer, kinder… hmmm…
When I was working full-time, there were people who would deflect problems by changing the subject, focusing on something else, and refusing to take ownership or responsibility. They’d focus on some arguable other point, instead of the issue at hand. Children and teenagers, and husbands and wives do the same thing. Instead of focusing on their own sin, they levy judgment on other people. Okay, yes, I’m guilty of that, too. J
I’m going to write a note to my neighbor today. What? Yes, I’m writing a note.
I could have been much more loving and kind. I could have taken a few minutes to do some relationship building communication. I could have said something funny or kind instead of being brief and direct. I barely know this girl. We don’t even know their last names. Maybe if we had more relationship than what we currently have, she wouldn’t have been upset.
Who knows?
But what kind of witness are we if we don’t continually look for ways to honor God? And even when we choose to deal with a problem, choosing conflict, we need to love well and be gentle and kind.
And I flopped. And these are the same things that start fights in marriages and with our kids, when (even when we might be justified) we miss an opportunity to be kind and gentle, showing love.
1 Peter 2 captures some of this:
15 For it is God’s will that by doing good you should silence the ignorant talk of foolish men.16 Live as free men, but do not use your freedom as a cover-up for evil; live as servants of God.17 Show proper respect to everyone: Love the brotherhood of believers, fear God, honor the king.18 Slaves, submit yourselves to your masters with all respect, not only to those who are good and considerate, but also to those who are harsh. 19 For it is commendable if a man bears up under the pain of unjust suffering because he is conscious of God.20 But how is it to your credit if you receive a beating for doing wrong and endure it? But if you suffer for doing good and you endure it, this is commendable before God.21 To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in his steps. 22 “He committed no sin, and no deceit was found in his mouth.”23 When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly.24 He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; by his wounds you have been healed. (emphasis mine)
Grrrr. I wish I could have a do-over.
I’m not happy with my behavior last night. So I’m going to write a kind note to her today, let her know I understand the barking dog struggle. We did own a beagle, after all. J
And honestly, there’s nothing in Proverbs 19 that relates to this event at all, least not that fully grabbed me this morning. Let me know if you see something, however! J Just being honest. J Hope you enjoyed the post anyway.
Dare you to take responsibility for your own actions today. Double-dog-dare you to teach your kids to do the same. More on that here. J
Glad for the journey. Thankful we are fellow travelers.
Love to you,
~Nina
I’m _exactly_ in the same situation with the dog barking, both front and on the left. Front, I don’t bother. Left, its MUCH closer to home (aka I’m in a duplex with these … people. They own, I rent, from my dad (in theory, in time, this place will be mine. Right now, I just want to move to the country!) I have a dog as well, and barking is absolutely NOT tolerated in this house. Their dog barks and barks, plus they have the one behind me (always loose) who, when the elder gentleman takes the quad out, comes barking. Both a labs/retrievers. Loud. and nasty if you look at them the wrong way (not at all like I know labs but I digress). So, now its been 2 days in a row, starts at 7am-ish… (they leave at around that time for the first of their many cups of coffee at the nearest coffee shop, 20 minutes away and yes, I’m serious. :/) they come back, she barks, excited (not the bored barky bark from before). They are going for a run. they leave, she barks. they come back… I’ve been here 6 years, that dog 3. (them forever). I called animal control as at the beginning, she was loose ALL the time, and came after me and my dog, and I DID mention the barking. The neighbor came to “see” me, and asked me what my problem was. I said “G”, when I got my dog, I was made to introduce him to you (by my across street other neighbor, kind of adopted dad lol). I said to you and “dad” that I promised that my dog would NOT be barking keeping the neighbors up at all hours of the night. Your response to that was and I quote “I don’t mind the barking, doesn’t bother me one bit”. What was I supposed to think then “G”??? So then he said, oh, well, I must have… uhhh… I finished (keeping firmly in mind the precepts Dad’s wife (mom#2) ingrained in me, you must have been having a bad day… YEAH! that’s right! he cheered up.
For a few months after, she was kept quiet, I could hear them SHH! stop it. then well, the knot unravelled and its all a mess again. These people scare me, in the sense that they WILL cuss and yell you out, if they feel they are in the right (and they are never wrong). The man “G” is like 80, his wife is 65 I think. I’ve been taught to respect my elders but man!
Right now, I’m beyond frustrated (I have health issues and this is really not helping). I’ve been “suggested” different things, most of which are totally NOT Christian, and being a believer, I have to walk the talk. So, I’ve been praying and trying REALLY hard to appreciate the fact that YES! she IS waking me up, YES! I can hear her. Key word. HEAR. AWAKE! I’m alive, and I can hear. I can also feel the pain of the migraine or whatever. So, I’m at a loss, and need direction, ideas. I live in a tiny town, where most people are absolutely AWESOME! I mean, I have 3 adopted moms on this street alone! And there are 6 houses! LOL! I have 2 adopted dads! I have believers across from me, who are … just amazing! anyways…. I don’t want to leave, I can’t afford it anyways.
She’s a professional baker (I read your banana bread thing lol), AND the first Christmas I was here, I brought them Cherries dipped in Chocolate, on the 24th at night and when she answered the door she snarled at me and said, I’m a G D … diabetic. (I even heard my DAD gasp from the car). So I shoved them at her and said, feed ’em to your hubby! bye! so, food is NOT an option. I dunno. I’m … desperate. On the verge of tears really. And (oh man I’m writing (another) book! sigh). I’m NOT the only one it bothers. When mom #3’s hubby was dying, he heard that, bark day in day out, PLUS the yip yip yip of the pomeranian next door. So it ticks me off. When Dad#2 had knee surgery, (3 times thank you), he could NOT get any peace and quiet. And they KNEW these people were ill/dying, and they did nothing.
So, I’m going to write the epilogue to this whining book, and ask please, for suggestions. I really REALLY wish to live as a good Christian. I ask the Lord to keep my “fuse” extra long and very wet, so I don’t blow it. I pray for tolerance and patience and for the urge to rip a primal scream out of my lungs to go away. But I’m only human.
Suggestions? (I deal with issues with humor, if some parts of this seemed humorous, that’s why 😉 Thank you! ^_^ C
Sounds difficult, but you have an excellent situation to resolve this in, being as several of your neighbors are also involved. Are they Christian? That matters as to who they consider an authority. Read Matthew 18. Then go talk to them again. Find out if they are believers. If they don’t listen, take a few neighbors with you the next time, but be sure you are lovingly communicating, but give the facts. If they don’t listen, bring their authority with you the next time. 🙂
But none of the above is in any way shape or form what you should do unless it’s what you feel led to do by God. He knows if you should confront or if you should endure. Listen to Him always above anything here! 🙂
And perhaps one of these “Dad” guys could go?
Okay…well talk about a God sighting…I was leaving for work this morning and looked down and saw all four of my tires were flat. Yes…all four. I knew instantly who did it. We have a big horse field between our house and our next door neighbors (new renters). On Saturday they were running quad runners around and around the field trying to sling as much mud as possible our way and the noise was deafening. Here in a residential area no less. Where beautiful horses used to frolic and we would feed them carrots, apples, etc. Now we had quad runners.
My husband finally asked them to please “cool it” while we were eating dinner but they ignored him and kept coming closer and closer slinging mud. My husband finally said ” We need to call Miami Township and see what our rights are.” So…a officer came out and said there was a noise ordinance and they were in violation of it and she would go over and talk to them.
So…this is what I wake up to. Vandalism..right outside my bedroom window. I can’t believe my two huge German Shepherds didn’t hear them but they didn’t.
We called Miami Township again and filled out a police report. The officer said “If they want a war..we’ll give them a war.” I don’t know what he means by this. I started praying immediately for clear direction from God as to how to handle this situation. Do I go over and talk to them? My husband says that will make it worse. Do I go to the landlords (who own the big horse farm on Guinea Pk) and let them know who they rented to?
I just had to tell you about this as this post was a clear answer to prayer. I don’t want a war..just peace and respect.
So.. $700 later and an unexcused absence from work…what would you do?
Toni Farris
If it were me, I’d start a social science experiment, make a loaf of banana bread and take it over, then try to become their friends, looking and praying for opportunities to bless them. And if that didn’t work, I’d follow Matthew 18. If they aren’t believers, I would let Miami Township have their war.
Other thoughts? Good discussion! I’m really sorry about your car.
Heaping coals and no evil for evil, but no wimps, either, and always do what your husband says. My Hub would have handled it if he hadn’t been sick and if the husband were home, I wouldn’t have gone over there!