A First Step in Saving Your Marriage…

Like every other little girl I knew, I daydreamed about my wedding day. Images of flowers, beautiful music, pretty dresses, tulle and lace, candles, handsome men and lovely ladies, and lots of baby’s breath filled my head. I just knew I’d be married on a sunny day, outside in a beautiful garden, under an arch, surrounded by all of my friends.

In actuality, we married in Glacier National Park, it snowed the morning of the wedding (in JUNE), and the violinist’s hands were too cold to play properly. I was sure Beethoven’s 9^th didn’t sound like a screeching hawk being stabbed to death, but cold fingers and a non-functioning boiler, combined with a leaking roof (right over the cake, mind you), didn’t add up to my vision of the perfect day.

Many other things happened that morning which were unpleasant, including relatives who weren’t getting along, and several other details that had the potential to ruin it all.

When I look back, I have the choice of being angry about how it went, or focusing on what went right. Our pictures from that day were outside in the pine trees, and under the overcast sky, they turned out perfectly.

The sun finally came out, and my husband decided we should take a boat ride, so we took the entire wedding party on a cruise around the glacial lake on a two story tour boat. It was glorious, and reminded me why we picked that location to get married in the first place. It’s one of the most beautiful places in God’s creation.

Proverbs 6:16-19 tells us: “There are six things the LORD hates — no, seven things he detests: 17 haughty eyes, a lying tongue, hands that kill the innocent, 18 a heart that plots evil, feet that race to do wrong, 19 a false witness who pours out lies, a person who sows discord among brothers.”

Without going into the details about the wedding, I just want to point out that last part of the verse and how it relates to the marriage. I’m guessing I am not the only woman who fantasized as a little girl about marriage.

What my dreams were and what my reality was ended up being two different things. And my husband and I both (but mostly ME, because I’m the relational one in the equation) caused the mismatch.

Back to the verse.

Too often, we actually sow discord into our relationships.

I’m here this morning, being reminded that God HATES that.

So what does it mean to “sow discord” ??

I looked the phrase up in http://www.Bible.org ‘s NET Bible (great tool with all the translations, including the concordances and original Hebrew and Greek languages right there on screen).

Essentially it means a “contentious strife” and it’s an intentional “releasing” or “driving.” So, in daily terms, arguing…correcting…judging…pursing “being right” and probably several other non-helpful relationship killers.

We presume to be correct (1 Samuel 15:23 and Proverbs 12:15) and as we can see from the text, this is heinous sin in God’s eyes.  I had no idea that presumption was sin.  But it is.  I knew it caused problems, I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that it’s actual sin.

Last week, I wrote a blog post about how we need to submit to God’s authority in our heart, and humbly, willingly admit that we don’t know what we don’t know. I think these things apply here, as well.

Am I making you angry?  I’m just the messenger.  God can handle your anger, btw. 

Are you sowing discord because you think you know more than your spouse? Do you presume to know what he (or she) is thinking?

Dare you today to confess to God with me, that we don’t know what we don’t know. Double dog dare you to ask God to help you focus on your own behavior instead of getting your exercise jumping to conclusions. It’s sinful. And sin separates us from God – so let’s repent (say, “I’m sorry,” and change our behavior).

Or are we too proud?

Just a little reminder: Proverbs 6:16, 17a: “There are six things the LORD hates — no, seven things he detests: 17 haughty eyes…

Cuz if we think “this one doesn’t apply to me,” well, we’re being “haughty” and that’s pride, and that’s also sin. J

Father, forgive us. Help us turn from our sinful selfish ways that are destroying our relationships and the people around us, right in front of our eyes. Help us get our eyes back on YOU, and our own sinful behaviors. Show us what we don’t even know about ourselves.  We have so much work to do in our own lives, Lord, how dare we judge others! Lord, we thank you for Jesus, that even though we stand in the quagmire of our impure motives and hearts, You help us SEE, help us change, and lead us down the right path. We can’t do these things on our own, Lord. We need Your Spirit within us to move us forward. Help us delight You with our obedience to Your Word. It’s in Christ’s name we pray. Amen.

Love being on the journey with you! I prayed all these things right along with you this morning. Lord, help us all change and bring You glory! J

Nina