Is A Lack of Communication Destroying Your Marriage?
The horses grazed in the pasture. The drying grass crunched under my feet as I walked from the barn out to the field, eager to try the new thing I learned the day before thanks to Equus.com.
Normally, my process was efficient and productive. Take the lead. Walk to the horses, maybe saying, “hello” to the others if I was close enough to them and it was convenient. Assume the “Halt!” position if the horse I intended to ride walked away from me.
Today was different.
I wanted the horse to come to me.
To my knowledge, they didn’t know the “come” command like a dog. My intention was to speak their language such that we communicated.
So I stopped about 20 feet away from Hank, approaching from his side, instead of directly in front of him. Being a prey animal, horses are anxious about anything that directly approaches because they can’t see it well. Their eyes see better a little off to the side and work independently.
After about 5 minutes, he stopped grazing and looked at me.
I took a step backwards.
He cocked his head.
I took another step backwards and lowered my head.
He walked right over to me.
I gave him some apple pieces, clipped the lead on him, and walked him to the barn.
I nearly burst with excitement.
Not that men and women should be treated like or thought of as the same as animals, but the simple truth exists that we communicate differently, just like a horse or a dog communicate differently than we do. By the way, both are species with whom relationships based on trust can easily be formed (or destroyed), and ones with whom I have experience…nothing against you “cat people” – I’m allergic! J
If the word, “Divorce” has been spoken into your marriage (and if it hasn’t, NEVER do this) I highly recommend Michelle Weiner-Davis’ book, “Divorce Busting.” Like the “backing up” I did above with the horse, it will teach you how to communicate such that your spouse comes back to you.
The world will teach you to “stand up for your rights,” and “take him/her down a notch,” and “tell him/her how it is!” The world also says we “deserve a break today,” and we should “have it our way.”
Dare you to try it God’s way. If we don’t quit, if we hang in there while He’s teaching us perseverance (what else do we have to do in the meantime but fulfill our own selfish desires, anyway? – or do we really believe what we say we believe?), there is abundant living on the other side.
In 1992, I rated my marriage a “2” on a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “awful” and 10 being “awesome.”
That was a long time ago.
I’ve struggled a good decade or more trying to figure out God’s Truth.
And I’ve nearly thrown in the towel a few times.
But God is faithful.
And if we choose to learn, asking Him for HELP instead of rebelling or complaining in the midst of difficulty, He will teach us.
I am thankful for the learning. Thankful too that He made me wait, as it’s resulted in a faith with more moxy than it had back then. Perseverance is necessary to mature faith. I wish I still didn’t have so far to go! 🙂
It’s necessary to do marriage in a way that brings glory to God and sets up hearts that can receive His joy, comfort, and peace. It’s necessary in our relationship with God.
Dare you to read Proverbs 13 right here (taken from BibleStudyTools.com) without judging your spouse and seeing what he or she needs to work on (remember judgment is sin), and instead, ask God what He has for you today…I added some emphasis…oh, and check the “double-dog dare” and verse at the end about perseverance…
1 A wise son heeds his father’s instruction, but a mocker does not listen to rebuke.
2 From the fruit of his lips a man enjoys good things,
but the unfaithful have a craving for violence.
3 He who guards his lips guards his life, but he who speaks rashly will come to ruin.
4 The sluggard craves and gets nothing, but the desires of the diligent are fully satisfied.
5 The righteous hate what is false, but the wicked bring shame and disgrace.
6 Righteousness guards the man of integrity, but wickedness overthrows the sinner.
7 One man pretends to be rich, yet has nothing; another pretends to be poor, yet has great wealth.
8 A man’s riches may ransom his life, but a poor man hears no threat.
9 The light of the righteous shines brightly, but the lamp of the wicked is snuffed out.
10 Pride only breeds quarrels, but wisdom is found in those who take advice.
11 Dishonest money dwindles away, but he who gathers money little by little makes it grow.
12 Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.
13 He who scorns instruction will pay for it, but he who respects a command is rewarded.
14 The teaching of the wise is a fountain of life, turning a man from the snares of death.
15 Good understanding wins favor, but the way of the unfaithful is hard.
16 Every prudent man acts out of knowledge, but a fool exposes his folly.
17 A wicked messenger falls into trouble, but a trustworthy envoy brings healing.
18 He who ignores discipline comes to poverty and shame, but whoever heeds correction is honored.
19 A longing fulfilled is sweet to the soul, but fools detest turning from evil.
20 He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm.
21 Misfortune pursues the sinner, but prosperity is the reward of the righteous.
22 A good man leaves an inheritance for his children’s children, but a sinner’s wealth is stored up for the righteous.
23 A poor man’s field may produce abundant food, but injustice sweeps it away.
24 He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him.
25 The righteous eat to their hearts’ content, but the stomach of the wicked goes hungry.
Double-dog dare you to put your Hope in God, seeking His advice (always listen to Him over what you think I’m saying, or anyone else, for that matter!) and actually be a “do-er” of the Word – Check James 1:22, which says, “But prove yourselves doers of the word, and not merely hearers who delude themselves.“
Triple-dog dare you to check this link and read the “Cross References” column on the right…
And here’s our verse on perseverance today… Hebrews 10:36 says, “You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised.”
Do what is right today, don’t give way to fear.
Thankful to be on the journey with you!