When Will My Husband Spiritually Lead?

Wednesday, I was in Nashville, Tennessee, for an important meeting regarding some things that deeply impact our ministry and “The Respect Dare” book.

A dear friend of mine drove down with me Tuesday afternoon, so I could attend another meeting that night, and when I was crawling into bed that evening, I called my family in Ohio. I spoke to the kids that were still conscious, and my husband. As soon as we wrapped up the conversation and I hung up the phone, I realized we hadn’t prayed together.

And I wasn’t angry or disappointed.

And then I realized that my perspective had significantly changed from years ago.

Notice I said, “we hadn’t prayed together,” instead of “he didn’t pray with me.”

Because of my warped understanding of “submission” and “headship” and “respect” in my marriage, I honestly used to believe that it was 100% my husband’s responsibility to initiate any kind of Biblical discussion or prayer.

I had been taught that I was “stepping out in front of him” if I initiated prayer.

I will tell you that I do think there is a difference between, “You need to pray for me right now,” and “Will you pray for me right now?” And on the farthest end of that spectrum (where I used to be, decades ago, in a misinformed attempt at being a godly wife) is complete silence, waiting for him to initiate prayer, or anything else for that matter.

The wait left me not only unsatisfied, but resentful and bitter, discouraged. While I understand that we must wait for God’s timing, nowhere in the Bible does it state that God won’t use His people, including wives, to impact others. Hmmm…

AND…how I defined “leadership” and how God defines it are different…more on that another day.  Suffice it to say, my husband has become a greater leader in our lives.  He does lead our family, and, he has his own path of growth, too.  And I’m thankful he tries so hard, and I’m also regretful of the many times I’ve actually interefered with his leading…by unintentionally discouraging him.

And in my relationship with God, through His Word and my own personal experience of Him, He showed me that as a woman of strength and dignity, when led by God, it can be most honorable to ask my husband for what I need, in a gentle and kind way, instead of expecting him to read my mind. My husband views this as helpful.

So the next morning, I called him. And I said, “I forgot to ask you to pray for me last night, will you do that now?”

“Of course,” came the reply, “I wanted to last night, but got interrupted by one of the kids.”

Oh, I didn’t know that, but can I tell you it made my heart soar? (I’m just as female as they come, I love the intimacy that enters relationships through praying with another follower of Christ, and there’s NO ONE I would rather pray with than my husband!)

So he prayed. And I felt the Father’s hand of protection over all that would take place that day, as a result of my husband’s action.

I ran across this in James 1 today, from http://www.Biblestudytools.com –

13 When tempted, no one should say, “God is tempting me.” For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; 14 but each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed. 15 Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death. 16 Don’t be deceived, my dear brothers.

As wives, it can be tempting to get all upset because our husband isn’t behaving as the “spiritual leader” in our homes. Trust me, I know how much we wives long for that… Today, I’m daring you to ask yourself, “What can YOU do, as a relationship architect, to be helpful in that regard?” Can we stop complaining about his inadequacies, and instead, spur him on, remembering that he is also our brother, on his own journey with God, and we have the privileged opportunity to walk alongside him as he does with us? Do not be deceived by the “Christian culture,” ladies, which has taught us far too often that our only action that is godly is to be silent.

Please know that I also fully believe I have talked too much and interfered with my husband’s relationship with God too often. There is a place for silence and waiting – BUT, the only way to know when God wants us to be helpful, how that’s different from “enabling” or “rescuing” and when we are to be silent is to develop such intimacy with our Lord that we can know, in the moment, which action to take.

Want to learn more about these things?

It’s my life’s mission and one of the main purposes of our ministry to help wives figure out these communication and relationship skills at an even higher level.

It’s why He created Greater Impact Ministries.

Dare you to pray about whether or not you should join us for a very special Daughters of Sarah® class…

The information meetings are December 11 and 18^th (come to one) at Faith Church in Milford, Ohio, (5910 Price Road), from 9:15am-10:30am in the Life Center Multi-Purpose Room.

This is the class that makes it available to churches everywhere… we’re so excited about what God is doing. Please join us. You’ll really deeply grow your relationship with your Lord and your husband.

The actual class is in January – but you need to know what you are getting into, so please come to an info meeting.

We’re also doing a taping session for the teaching segments on January 5^th at Horizon’s church in Newtown, Ohio. It’s for wives, it’s a full day of marriage info – we need an audience, and it will help you in your marriage – so please come! J

There’s more information on our Facebook link here.
Double dog dare you to bring friends…Triple dog dare you to share with others and help them grow in their marriages as well, via email or on your Facebook® J. And if you haven’t “subscribed” to the blog here, please do so – I can’t wait to share more with you!

Thanks so much for being on the journey with us!

Love to you,

~Nina