Like most little girls, our daughter’s heart beats with excitement as she consistently succumbs to a serious case of “Daddy Worship.”
I love it. J
In her eyes, this guy can do no wrong, and she just adores my husband, her father.
It’s inspiring to see him so careful with this power he holds over her heart.
He’s read all the literature, he knows that on a psychological level, and from a spiritual sense, the most important relationship in a child’s life is the one they have with their dad.
I’m not saying moms don’t matter – they do immensely. But, God is portrayed in Scripture as the Father – this is a common sense thing.
How many struggles does a child have to go through as an adult to come to trust in God fully when the earthly father she has kicks her, beats her, or calls her names? Unfortunately, too frequently, the answer is: A LOT.
Dads can make relationship with God easy or hard for their children…or so goes the research.
Anyway, I felt privileged last night to share in a brief but heavenly moment between the two of them. Our 4th grade girl rattled on and on about her friend’s struggle with a 3rd grade boy’s pursuits. “I told her to pretend that she liked him, and maybe he’d go away, because that’s what Tee (another 4th grader friend) told me you should do,” she said.
Oh, great. The blind leading the blind.
“What would happen if she did that?” I asked.
“Well, he’d get bored because he ‘caught her,'” she replied.
While somewhat right, especially for 3rd and 4th grade romances, the foundation of her belief system on this issue was potentially, from a morality standpoint, a can of worms.
Without going into the books we’ve read, the Scriptures on the subject, or discussing the purpose of dating, suffice it to just say, our family has chosen not to date until we are old enough to make a commitment. We believe people are too precious to be “tried on” and then cast aside, and that dating is practice for divorce. I’m not preaching at you, just sharing what our practice is for our family.
Someone’s going to look me up now to see if I’m Amish or Mennonite. Just so you know, we’re not, but my teens have thanked us for having this in place, and by the way, fully support it. If interested, here’s a good book on the subject: I Kissed Dating Goodbye, by Josh Harris. You’ll see by the other titles on the page, we’re not alone in this line of thought, and started along this track when our kids were young.
The last thing I’ll say is that our teens have skirted a ton of emotional rollercoasters, while watching their friends deal with all the unnecessary (in our opinion) angst of the dating drama. And they’re off developing healthy life skills for marriage through friendships with the opposite sex. Anyway. Enough.
Back to the story.
“What else could happen?” I asked her.
“Well, she might fall in love with him,” she said.
“Where do grade school romances usually end? Do they get married and live happily ever after?” I inquired.
“No,” she said. “And she might give part of her heart away, and that’s just for her husband.”
“Yes,” I smiled. “Come here, sweetie, I think you need to listen to what your Dad has to say about this whole boy topic.” I walked her over to her dad, and she sat down. I winked at him, confidently, and went back into the kitchen.
He spoke with her for a few moments, they laughed, the boys chimed in, there was hugging…it was all good. J
I knew whatever he had to say to her at that point would have more impact than any info I (or her brothers) could give her. God wired her to healthfully yearn to please her earthly father, to delight him, and to take great pleasure in the sweet connection between them. God did this knowing that when she was older, she would do the same with her relationship with Him. Someday it would all make sense.
Last night, she received a seed of wisdom from a man she deeply trusts. And yes, I had planted a few along the way, myself, and it matters a ton that my husband and I don’t send conflicting messages to our kids.
That just makes them not trust either of us well, and again, also sets them up to not be able to easily trust God as adults, either.
This morning, I realized that I was “submissive” in that entire interaction.
Knowing my husband and I are on the same page and because I deeply desire for every member of our family to be irrevocably committed to each other, without even being aware of what He was doing through me, I allowed God to set up a circumstance in which my husband would be a man of influence and show leadership in our family.
Had I been selfishly motivated, desiring to be of greater influence in her life than him (can you spell “competitive”… been there, done that, destroys marriages) it wouldn’t have occurred to me to involve him at all.
I was just shocked when God revealed this to me this morning, and I was also just so very thankful I actually stayed out of His way. J
Being the Proverbs 31 Woman is less a list of activities we must do, but rather a list of reflections of a godly heart, one whose heart is filled with the Father, with Jesus Christ, and her behavior results in pouring out what is in her heart. Proverbs 31 is the “overflow” of a woman whose heart so aligns with God’s, that His character is reflected in what she does.
Oh, that we may get it right more often!
Dare you today to click the link and read about this woman of “strength and dignity, who laughs at the days to come, who has the teaching of kindness on her tongue, and who is highly regarded by her husband and children, who call her blessed.” Double dog dare you to actively ask Him to help you be a woman whose heart reflects God’s character, or a man who is so connected to the Lord, that His children will easily come to have a healthy relationship with God Himself, as well, when they are older.
Triple dog dare you to share, comment, or email to a friend who is on the journey with you!
So glad we’re all on this path together!
Love to you,